PA? Poetry Review Circler, reporting for duty! -salutes-
Hmmm...one of the first things I notice about this poem is an excess of repetition (it waits, madness is waiting, waiting to take its...). I think with a bit more variety in vocabulary, the punch this poem packs (alliteration!) could be increased tenfold.
For instance, instead of “Madness is ready to consume you” maybe “Madness reaches to consume you”. Continue the personification you set up in the first couplet. Show Madness lurking, roaming, eager. It’s not just waiting, it’s seeking you out, actively attempting to destroy. That’s the impression I got at first, but with “it’s ready” that doesn’t carry through to its full potential to me.
Maybe madness isn’t “waiting” to take it’s next victim (which doesn’t really align well with the idea of roams expressed in the line previous) but is searching for its next victim.
What I’m saying is, most of the poem makes the Madness seem passive, but the most extraordinary lines give it life, show it clinging creeping clawing, a struggle between Madness and the person’s own sanity.
Author's Response: Thanks for this great review! Your comments are helping me a lot as I'm trying to rewrite it.
icks. can you imagine being in askaban??? *shudders*
good job, Alyssa!
Author's Response: Thank you , Andi! I think it would suck being in Azkaban.