Reviews For Madness
Reviewer: clabbert2101
Date: 03/31/10 21:24
Chapter: Madness

PA? Poetry Review Circler, reporting for duty! -salutes-

Hmmm...one of the first things I notice about this poem is an excess of repetition (it waits, madness is waiting, waiting to take its...). I think with a bit more variety in vocabulary, the punch this poem packs (alliteration!) could be increased tenfold.

For instance, instead of “Madness is ready to consume you” maybe “Madness reaches to consume you”. Continue the personification you set up in the first couplet. Show Madness lurking, roaming, eager. It’s not just waiting, it’s seeking you out, actively attempting to destroy. That’s the impression I got at first, but with “it’s ready” that doesn’t carry through to its full potential to me.

Maybe madness isn’t “waiting” to take it’s next victim (which doesn’t really align well with the idea of roams expressed in the line previous) but is searching for its next victim.

What I’m saying is, most of the poem makes the Madness seem passive, but the most extraordinary lines give it life, show it clinging creeping clawing, a struggle between Madness and the person’s own sanity.

~Bella

Author's Response: Thanks for this great review! Your comments are helping me a lot as I'm trying to rewrite it.

Reviewer: LuNaLoVeGoOdLoVer
Date: 08/26/09 17:00
Chapter: Madness

icks. can you imagine being in askaban??? *shudders*
good job, Alyssa!

Author's Response: Thank you , Andi! I think it would suck being in Azkaban.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
M.I.T.: Entente Cordial by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
A Squib's Journey by ntoforhp 6th-7th Years
Jeffery Potter always had sensed he was somehow different from his playmates...
Out of the Blue by Secret Marauder 90 1st-2nd Years
This story weaves the tale of James and Lily from the day they met right up...
FEATURED
Five Christmases by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
It took four Christmases for Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks to get together...
Coming Alive by The owl 6th-7th Years
Leanne Gamp hadn't wanted to be at that party, even though it was Christmas...
Graves by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
In December of 1997, Harry visits his parents' graves in Godric's Hollow and...
CATEGORIES