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Reviews For A Broken Man

Name: OtterMoone (Signed) · Date: 06/22/11 16:30 · For: A Broken Man
Forgive me, but why did Niniane betray Merlin? I only know the general Arthur story.

Author's Response: Ermm. It's been a while since I wrote this but I think in my canon she was just sort of on Morgana's side ideologically/got lured over to Morgana's side, probably sometime between the two times she was with Merlin, and she and Morgana were playing a long game to try and break Merlin. Merlin and Morgana have a kind of war going on, only in a lot of ways it's more a war of ideas than an actual war, trying to shape how wizards and Muggles will interact in the future.

Name: mzap (Anonymous) · Date: 11/20/09 20:36 · For: A Broken Man
Ah, I was meaning to read this story for a while and was not disappointed in the least! It was very well written and it was incredibly interesting to hear from a different set of characters and setting. As I was reading, I remembered everything I had learned in high school of King Arthur and can say that you did your research well.

Well are you named the Lady of the Isle of Apples – for you are like the snake on the tree of Eden that the men of Camelot speak so much of – you beguile others to follow your wishes, you calculate to further your own ends with no regard as to the cost to others!
I really liked this sentence for some reason, particularly with the connection to the Adam and Eve story. You analyzed Morgana’s name well and applied it to the character’s nature excellently.

I was beginning to wonder if you all thought as much of him as the bards say.
This sentence was a little awkward for me, more specifically with the “you all thought” part. Perhaps a little rearrangement with those few words?

Even though we know practically nothing of Merlin and Morgana from the perspective of the HP books, I think you did a very good job of characterizing them here. I loved Morgana’s character, that manipulative, revengeful side of her that makes for a good antagonist. It was odd seeing Merlin weak, but it fit well and the story about Niniane was not out of place. I think Merlin was also written well, with his good nature, but weakness due to love (something antagonists love pitting against the good characters).

One of the hard things about this character was the complete disappearance of description, but your story didn’t need it. You could perfectly see each part of the story, even through just the dialogue. The story with argument between Morgana and Merlin was very original and I loved this for that. It’s always refreshing to see other, smaller canon characters. With the writing, you did a very good job keeping the elevated style of speaking, although it did take some getting used to at first.

Overall very well written and I’m so glad I had the chance to read this. :)

- Mercy

Author's Response: Oh, yes, I did do my research well. -cackles- This story wasn't so much researched for itself as it used excess research from my overly-researched WIP "Tales of Wildwood." I always felt a little wronged that Morgana was one of the ladies of Avalon because, well, she was pretty evil and I associated Avalon in my head with good things. (Avalon = Isle of the Apples). I was just happy to find a way to turn it back on her. -more cackling- And the biblical reference seemed appropriate given how important Christianity is in a lot of the Arthurian romances. As for the awkward sentence...some sentences just wouldn't come right! -headdesk- And it took me ages to work out just who Morgana and Merlin were and what they were fighting over. Glad you like what I came up with. =) I'm so glad you liked this - especially the "elevated style of speaking" (nice way of putting it - I'm stealing that someday). I'm always a little insecure when I try that so it's good to know it's okay once you get used to it. Thank you very much for reviewing, Mercy. -hugs-

Name: BeautyInTheBreakdown (Signed) · Date: 09/03/09 18:51 · For: A Broken Man
The writing itself is very good and I am impressed. I like your style. I must say though, I was a bit confused as to who was speaking an when. I understand that this was for a challenge where you must only use dialog, correct? But having three characters whom we do not know the personalities of has thrown me off. If it had been between Harry and Voldemort, the speaker would be obvious, but since only someone well read on Merlin and Morgana and Lancelot would know their traits, I was a bit caught up. I do hope you have other stories to read thoug, because through this, it is clear you have talent and I would enjoy to read more from you. Good work :)

Author's Response: Yes, the challenge was to use dialogue only, spoken between two characters. The two speakers were Merlin and Morgana, and Lancelot and Niniane had non-speaking roles. And I know they were very far from the usual canon and unfamiliar, but I had the strongest urge to write about their motivations and ideas - they're going to be minor characters in "Tales of Wildwood" but there wouldn't have been much scope for the backstories about Morgana's parents and erstwhile husband and Merlin's relationship with Niniane. (Why do I always feel the need for explanation?) Anyways. Thank you very much for leaving a review and I'm glad you liked my style even though you had some issues understanding what was going on. =)

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