Hey! I really enjoyed reading your story, so I thought I'd leave you a review, because it's so awfully review-less...
It's very interesting to see your take on how Fudge became Minister – and how Lucius Malfoy forged his first connections with him. Though I don't like the idea of Fudge as a Minister of former (and later) Death Eaters, I have to admit that you make it believable. I also really liked how Narcissa half pressured Lucius into bribing the Ministry. It almost makes him seem like a nice character, just trying to make his wife feel better, like she did with her parents.
I also have to say that I liked your choice of the former Minister. She's an OC right? I don't think I ever read about the MoM right before Fudge...
It's a really nice story, and I think it works best as the oneshot you chose to make it. It's a quick read, but still gives the reader a clear idea about all the feelings (and intrigues) that are building up here.
I also couldn't tell that more than one person wrote this – well done with the co-authoring! :)
xx Kara
This was a brilliant idea for a fic. Honestly, I have always wondered how Fudge became Minister. And now, you tow have given me a credible answer. However, there were a lot of errors – spelling and capitalization mainly, in the draft. Some instances are:
“Mr. Malfoy, do you know why I have asked you here today?” Amelia Bones glanced threw her monocle at the wizard sitting across from her. I think you meant “through”, not “threw”. Also, I think “to come” is missing.
Of course he knew that the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was not swallowing his façade of being under the imperious curse and not having meant to serve the Dark Lord. “Imperius Curse”, not “imperius curse.”
“Fudge also shook his head, still deep in though. “thought”, not “though.”
“She remembered clearly how, only threw the withdrawal of Dumbledore, had she gotten the Minister rank. “through”, not “threw.”
“On the way out, Dumbledore met upon none other than Lucius Malfoy, who was just entering the room as Dumbledore was leaving. “met upon” is incorrect. I think you can just do with “met.”
“There’s letters from some very prominent families, including the Notts, the Crabbes, the Goyles, and many others, including mine. “There are letters”, not “there’s letters.”
“The day of the voting, Cornelius Fudge walked gloomily down the hallway to the Wizengamot Conference Room, just to bump into none other than his feared opponent, Albus Dumbledore. I think “On the day of the voting, Fudge walked gloomily down the hallway to the Wizengamot Conference Room, and bumped into none other than his feared opponent, Albus Dumbledore” sounds better. :)
I think there are a few more instances in the fic. Other than that, I really liked your fic. :D
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for catching all of those mistakes we made. I'll make sure that they are corrected. Oh, and I'm glad you otherwise enjoyed our story. -SoS
