MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
10/31/09 19:18 · For:
This was such a lovely poem, Spire. It hits the emotions that Tonks must have been feeling just spot on. The first three lines are very striking, and they’re of course very straightforward for what the poem is about. You used them as a recurring device so well. First to set up the theme, then to build that yearning and desperation just after the middle, and then at the end as a statement for how Tonks feels about Remus.
But then the closing line turns around and asks for that reciprocation and affirmation of feelings, finishing that other very important theme in the poem – that Tonks loves Remus, and that she knows that he loves her, too, but won’t accept that. Remus is so focused on his own self-doubt that he doesn’t realize that his forced indifference, his unwillingness to just be with her, and saying that she doesn’t feel that way about him ‘is an insult to’ her. And that’s so true. That line that I’ve quoted really drives the emotional point home to the reader.
The beautiful simplicity that comes through by putting these thoughts and feelings of Tonks into a poem is very powerful. I really enjoyed it. Looking at the phrasings of the lines, it all flows so well. The emphasis and breaks draw attention to so many nuances.
But, if there’s one thing I know
Of this love –
Whether it be desirable
Or not --
Here, for example, the second and fourth lines are like those half-hesitant almost doubts that we have in our minds when we say something important. I loved it. Truly great poem.
Author's Response: Thank you! xx
(Signed) · Date:
09/29/09 13:39 · For:
Name: ron lover
This poem was a lovely little one! First things first, I love the different styles you incorporate into this – it’s sort of a structured freestyle. The repetition of the beginning, with the subtle changes at the end, really gave the poem a good flow to circle around on.
You are beautiful
You are blinding
You are binding.
What am I to you?
I adore this. The way that you have Tonks asking what she is to Remus when he so obviously means so much to her was a very powerful and interesting way to end this that I really enjoyed. The question gives the ending a very nice flow as well, and I think the best conclusion to it, really.
Possible, yes, but so,
I’d just like to point out here that these lines where my favorite because the flow from the two was like velvet when I said them aloud and made me smile. You’re poetic skills in this are lovely, dear.
I do think that the use of both blinding and binding in such a sort space of lines affected their flow. I had to read those lines a couple of times to make sure that they were indeed different words. I think you were going for alliteration of the B’s, so I understand why you chose those words in relation. I would suggest, though, to allow for a better flow that you change one of them. Love could also be brave, and we certainly know that Remus is, or even bold would work well, too. The choice to alter is yours, however; those are just two suggestions in a world of words. ;)
Now, the free verse in the middle three stanzas was a lovely interpretation of Tonks’ feelings. It’s almost as if Tonks had started writing the poem and then broken out into speech, which I loved because I think that would be in her character to go off on a tangent in the middle of something, and I loved that you were able to incorporated that into the poem because it adds another level of depth to it, but it also brings forth your characterization of Tonks.
Having this in a first person perspective also added to the overall feel of the poem coming straight from Tonks. I also liked it because, had you not mentioned it in the summary, the reader is left to their imagination as to who the couple may be, which adds mystery and pleasure to the reading.
All in all, a very lovely poem that describes a point in Tonks and Remus’ relationship with care and consideration as well as draws and plays on the reader’s emotions. Good work!
Author's Response: Thank you so much :) xx
(Signed) · Date:
08/16/09 15:31 · For:
I really love this poem. It's great.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like it :)