Aw. Hannah Abbott has always been a favorite of mine. I love minor characters. This was so sweet, and I love your characterization of her. It was so much like how I've imagined her. Neville and Hannah. Aww.
This is a very cute and enjoyable fic. There's something rather lovely and fitting about Neville/Hannah, and there's just not enough of it about. I think you have a great characterisation of Hannah here that works with what we know of her in canon and yet builds on that and gives her more depth and the necessary added maturity that comes with age. I thought her very Hufflepuff determination to force herself into work despite feeling dreadful and her reluctance to be the centre of attention with wanting no fuss for her birthday were really nice touches in your characterisation of her.
One little thing that didn't feel quite right to me though in terms of her characterisation (and in fact Neville's too) was the reference to them splitting up after a blazing row that had them screaming at each other for half the night. Neither of them really strike me as all that volatile, and whilst I could see long, difficult, occasionally angry or tearful discussions occurring, I just somehow can't see them having an all-out fight like that: they both seem a little too gentle and reserved and the sort of people who are more reluctant to say things for fear of hurting the other person. Perhaps that might have seemed more in character to me if the row or the reasons for it had been a little more gone in to, because then I might have understood what had driven them to that, but as a passing reference, it just didn't sit entirely right with me.
The other slight issue I had was the pacing. The story just feels like it races forwards a little quickly, which is fine early on, and I think in the early stages, where there's a fair amount of set up to be got through, the pacing works quite effectively (we don't need long at all at the pub for example, which you handled very deftly), but it just felt a touch rushed after the hospital. It seemed like Hannah rushed to tell Neville before she'd even come to terms with it herself, and I didn't feel I really got to see how she felt about it, which was a shame given how well you'd set up her character. It struck me that there'd be a lot for her to rationalise for herself before having to deal with Neville. I mean, it clearly came as a shock to her, and she'd need to come to terms with the thought of becoming a mother, and how Neville might react to the news, and whether he'd want to get back together because of it or even whether they should get back together at all even if he did want to given they must have split up for good reason, and whether she could cope with a baby on her own if he didn't want to get back together. I think perhaps just slowing down the ending of the fic a little by having her think things through a little more might have really set the latter stages off as the important part of the story and allowed it to have a little more emotional weight. That said, it didn't take away from this being a lovely and uplifting story. :o)
Hey Russia dear! :)
This story was really good, of course! I wouldn’t expect anything different from you! I’ve never really read anything from Hannah’s POV, but the way you understood her and wrote her seems really well thought out. The only part I didn’t quite understand about her character was when she was happy to see only one owl. I know that she doesn’t want to get older, but surely she would have felt SOME sadness. Maybe it’s just me, but I say things that I usually don’t mean, one of them being when it’s my birthday and I say I don’t want anything, I actually would like something ;) Other than that though, her character was convincing; especially as a twenty-nine-year old woman, which is something you should be proud of! Sometimes writing out of your own age can be difficult, but if it was, it doesn’t show here!
I feel like the story is a tad bit rushed and Hannah just kind of shoots from one scene to the next. She wakes up, goes to work, leaves work, runs from Susan, goes to St. Mungos, goes to see Neville. I think a little more dialogue and thought process in every scene would have made the story really come to life. Also, more explanation as to why Susan and Roger, two wizards, were walking around muggle London would have helped; I find it very unusual how she runs into both of them on a muggle street. It seems like wizards and witches tend to stay more to the wizarding communities than to be apart of the muggle ones. I actually thought that maybe when she met Roger she would suddenly feel some old connection with him and they would end up together! I just don’t see the reason for Roger showing up in this story. It would have been less confusing if it was a random muggle who brought her somewhere.
The ending too, feels a little rushed. Especially how Hannah just throws in how she is pregnant:
“Neville, I love you more than words can say. I am sorry too, the breakup was stupid and I have been regretting it ever since. I never stopped loving you.” She paused. “And... I’m pregnant”
For some reason, having her saying that she’s pregnant at that moment, loses the effect of everything she just said for me. It kind of sounds like, “oh I love you because I’m pregnant and I have to.” Now I know that is NOT what you were going for, but the way it was placed makes it feel like that. Maybe if you left that for a later scene or somehow brought it up a little more casually, sort of eased into it, I think it would have been better. Other than that though, I do love the conversation between Neville and Hannah.
Neville’s speech to her is so touching and cute! I love how he just spills everything out into one long breath; like he knew everything he was going to say and then suddenly had to say it all at once. It was very in character of him to just rant it all out, I think, because it shows the brave Gryffindor in him to say what’s on his mind.
This is getting to be quite long, so I think I shall stop there. You did a great job and I absolutely love how you took the prompt and turned it into this! It’s very creative and well written. Keep writing! Cause you’re amazing at it :)
See ya on the boards! xoxox
Hi, Russia! Oh, I really enjoyed this little fic. I’ve never read a Neville/Hannah before, and it was quite refreshing to have a look at this very under-explored pairing.
I love how you begin with her waking up. Somehow, I got right in to the scene because of that, because it started at the start, with it being morning. If that makes sense...?
I like the whole concept of the pregnancy in this fic: if Neville weren’t on his way to see Hannah anyway, I have a feeling it would’ve brought the two back together. :) And I love how she doesn’t realise she's expecting. It shows how she was wrapped up in other things -- how much Neville means to her. You never really say whether she’s happy to be having a baby [although you mention in the beginning how she thought she’d be married with kids by now] but that doesn’t matter because you show us with this:
“You’re really happy?” She asked.
“Really.” Neville grinned.
She has Neville again, and if Neville’s happy, it just seems to be a natural conclusion that Hannah’s going to be, too. And it begins to complete her plan for ‘29’, too. XD
More than anything, she was glad that those ridiculous rumours of a surprise party were false.
In this paragraph, I couldn’t help but question Hannah, though. She gets one owl – despite requesting nobody bother with her birthday – and she feels glad? She certainly has reason to want to pretend she’s not getting older, but wouldn’t having no owls make her feel even a little sad or unloved? I’d have liked just a twinge of alone-ness or something.
Why was Roger Davis on a Muggle train? When I read that part, I got a little distracted, because I couldn’t see why he was there. He just was. Like others have said and you have admitted: it was too convenient. If you included a reason as to why he was there, I would have found it a little more believable, because then it would seem as if he had a purpose. But, or this is the impression I got from the books, I don’t think wizards generally go to work on Muggle transport.
I really liked it when Neville stumbled in to her. I knew it was him before the name even came; it was such an in-character moment. However, as Neville went in to his ‘I love you’ speech, I thought that could’ve been better. Despite being older and braver, I think it would make him nervous confessing such things all the same: maybe he could have shuffled his feet before just plunging in or something?
And I’d like to compliment you on your dialogue. It sounds really natural, how you’ve made characters trail off, have them say ‘erm’ when they’re embarrassed or whatever. Really nicely done!
By the way, I love how you included the prompt’s name towards the end. That was a nice little connection, and added to the positivity of the conclusion. I really enjoyed this story; I liked how you took a different pairing and you brought them back together. Good work! xx
Author's Response: Hey Spire! It is so nice to have a new review! I totally agree with everything you have said, I hate how convienient the train was... but it was part of the prompt to add it on, but I guess I could have done it better. Now I think of it, i should have included a reason shouldn't I? Hmm maybe I'll give that some thought and maybe add a bit in. Thanks for all your concrit and your compliments! *hugs* Russia xxxx
Awwww, this is just love! I adore the twist on the 'Forty' prompt. I could not work out what you were going to do at all. I like Neville/Hannah fics - there's not that many around because people don't seem to like the pairing, but why can't they be happy? Russia, Hannah is lovely and comes to life in the fic and the relationship with Neville is very believable - he is also adorable and I'm pleased he wanted to get back with her before she told him she was pregnant.
Really good. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Caroleeeee, how did I not respond to this before? Thankyou so much! I loved the idea of a twist, I thought everyone woudl do the "fortieth birthday" and I do hate to follow the crowd :-p I am so glad you like my Hannah! I never even really thought about it... she just kind of flowed onto the paper :-D I really wanted Neville to want to get together with her before she told him about the baby, I didn't want anyone thinking he was getting back with her just because she was pregnant, that isnt at all romantic, is it? Thanks again Caroleee! Russia xxxxx
First I have to say, well done! This is a very imaginative piece of work and it really seems to touch at real life issues. I love some of the side effects that you thought to include...and how witches aren't immune to feeling the clock tick and the side effects of pregnancy.
I did notice a few grammatical errors throughout this, and few misspelled words. You may just want to find someone to do a quick read through for you and see if they can see some of the mistakes you've missed! I know that when I write I see things how I meant them to be sometimes, not how they actually are written. :)
I do have to say that I find some of the characterization a bit off, especially of Neville. He is clumsy and I could easily see him racing out the gate and running into Hannah like that. I do think that he could be a bit blind to her needs sometimes, and how his business at Hogwarts that would have kept him busy some nights could be misconstrued and misinterpreted by Hannah to be lack of interest in her. I think he may have had a bigger reaction to finding out that Hannah was pregnant with his child. I think he'll be a wonderful father, very enthusiastic, and here I just find his reaction flat and out of character for him. I think he'd have had at least some shock before asking how long she's known. She may have wanted to take him somewhere else to break that news to him, too... Neville could even have fainted at the news from a mixture of shock and excitement...wanted to tell his friends/family about the news...maybe even have proposed right then and there. Just a few of the reactions that I could see coming from Neville.
I really do think this was well written over all and a great story that pulls us Muggle readers in because it is so like real life for us.
Author's Response: Thankyou so much for the review Cwiddy! I do know what you mean about Neville, but I was aiming for an older Neville than the one we know. After all, as Neville got older, he did get more confident and brave. He led the DA while Harry was away Horcrux hunting and it was he who killed Nagini. I like the idea of Neville proposing on the spot though... I am glad you liked the fic! Thankyou again for the review! Russia xxxxx
RUSSIA! This is fabulous! I have to say, I really really like it. The characterization is perfect, and the plot line is just flawless. I'd never been a fan of Hannah throughout the series, even though she had such a small part, but that didn't take away from me fully enjoying this. Neville was wonderful; he definitely was in character. (I'm sorry this is such a short review; I'm being kicked off the computer.) This was fabulous, all the way! -Becca
Author's Response: Thankyou so much Becca! I am so glad you liked my characterisation! I have never written either of these characters before... but they were fun to write :-) Russia xxxxx
Safe Russia. It's Lexy (:
Okiee, so, this is a brilliant story. I would never have guessed you were this talented. So wow. Congratulations ;)
I like the way it all happenes when she gets to Kings Cross. Jumping on a train, you know. Like, it all starts with a journey. Whatever. You probably didn't mean for that, but it ws cool.
There were two little things, though, I think. One, Roger's line Hannah, I’m a Healer at St. Mungo’s... . This line seemed a bit rushed. The fact that Roger was there, aswell. It was a bit too conveniant. I don't know. Just not, real.
The last bit,was Nevills chaacterisation. I'm not sure what it was, but he wasn't very Nevillish. If you get me.
But overall. That was an amazing story :D Go Russia. :P
Author's Response: Ciao Lexy! "I would never have guessed you were this talented." Um... Thanks... I think? lol I know that bit was rushed, it was rushed on purpose so I could get past the whole Cenvieniency of it... it was hideously coincedental >.< lol I see where you are coming from with Neville, but I was aiming for a grown up, more mature Neville. Trying to make him seem different to the Neville we know from the books :-) Thankyou for the praise and the reveiw! *hugs* Russia xxxxx
Aww! Funny enough, I actually know someone named Roger Davis and that sounds like something he would do. Neville and Hannah are such a sweet couple!
Author's Response: Thankyou for your review! I think they are sweet too :-) Russia xxxxx
I really like this story. It's very cute. It was a lot of fun to read. You did a great job on this!
Author's Response: Alyssa, you are seriously awesome! You must have written this reveiw... like two minutes after is had ben validated! I was checking my inbox every two minutes and I leave for an hour, come back and look! THREE reveiws already! *hugs* thankyou so much! Russia xxxxx