Reviews For I Solemnly Swear
Reviewer: Nevilles Girl
Date: 08/31/09 13:09
Chapter: I Solemnly Swear

"With laughs and joy
And plans and pride
They took that magical world
And flipped it on its side."

>>This might be my favorite stanza. It feels genuine. Also, the words really flow together.

Your poem was really enjoyable. One thing I did notice was in every stanza, the first line works well as does the fourth line, but sometimes the middle lines jar. My main concern is that you seemed to be more concerned about rhyming than the rhythm.

I like that you stayed with the same rhyme scheme the whole time. In a poem this long it nice to have it tied together by something like that. I also appreciated the humour in your rhyme scheme. ("James Pot . . . ter".) It makes it feel likes there's a real person that wrote this. :)

Rhythm is equally important as the rhyme scheme. Whenever someone speaks, you can hear the rhythm in his or her speech. If someone's rhythm is off, his or her speech sounds really weird. Does that make sense? Rhythm troubles happen to everyone. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so if the rhythm isn't exactly to my liking I quit. (I can't even count how many times that's happened.) That's right: I'm a quitter. Kudos to you for not being lame like me.

Hopefully this doesn't sound condescending, dumb, painfully awkward, or rude. I don't mean for it to.

Smiles,
Luna

P.S. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Luna, thou art amazing! Thanks for the concrit and comments, it means a lot to me when people aren't afraid to tell me the errors I make without hiding them subtley or trying to sugar-coat it (can you guess that this has happened to me recently?;) ). I love that you enjoyed this, and that you liked that stanza and the James Pot...ter line; in Poetry, Anyone? on the forums, a few people told me to either edit the wording or edit it out completely. I understand the bit about rhythm and rhyming a lot better now that you've explained it like that, and I'm really grateful that you took the time to let me know. None of that was "condescending, dumb, painfully awkward, or rude"; I really appreciated it. Thanks for R&Ring! {BeccA}

Reviewer: ron lover
Date: 08/16/09 17:02
Chapter: I Solemnly Swear

I really LOVE this poem. It's so amazing.

Author's Response: Oh! Well, thank you! I don't know if it's necessarily 'amazing', but it could be! Thanks for reading and reviewing and liking it as much as you seem to. I didn't expect for people to necessarily like this, but I guess they do! Thanks again! {BeccA}

Reviewer: The_Dream_Team
Date: 08/16/09 15:53
Chapter: I Solemnly Swear

ur ending gave me goose bumps! i thought that was good! my favorite part was: he second one was brave and true,
And only once did not
Immediately get what he desired
This boy was surely James Pot...ter.

that made me laugh!
good job!

Author's Response: Thank you! My poem gave you goose bumps? Huh. That's pretty cool! I didn't take too long writing it, most likely less than half an hour. And as for that stanza...There were a couple people on the forums who told me that it wasn't necessary there, and that I could change it. I guess I forgot...Hmm. Thanks for reading and reviewing! (And if you want, my one-shot Don't Leave Just Yet doesn't have any reviews yet... I think you''d like it! /shameless self-advertising. {BeccA}

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
A Seer Named Rosemary Snape by PlutoLovegood 3rd-5th Years
In 2018 Neville and Harry deliver a Hogwarts acceptance letter to Rosemary Snape...
Through The Storm- The End Was Just The Beginning by HarryJamesPotter10 6th-7th Years
This story picks up where the books left off, mostly canon, and it follows almost...
FEATURED
whimper by psijupiter 6th-7th Years
I play to my strengths. As do we all. In the midst of the first wizarding...
Over A Mug of Tea by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
I think of her as a sister. The words rang clearly, loudly in his mind. I...
Gaps Between by lucca4 6th-7th Years
Falling in love teaches Dennis Creevey that sometimes, needing someone isn't...
To Fear the Flame by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
Neville hadn't expected his boggart to ever change. Perhaps he should have done.
Good King Ragnuk by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Ragnuk, King of the Goblins and master silversmith, forged a sword for Godric...
CATEGORIES