"With laughs and joy
And plans and pride
They took that magical world
And flipped it on its side."

>>This might be my favorite stanza. It feels genuine. Also, the words really flow together.

Your poem was really enjoyable. One thing I did notice was in every stanza, the first line works well as does the fourth line, but sometimes the middle lines jar. My main concern is that you seemed to be more concerned about rhyming than the rhythm.

I like that you stayed with the same rhyme scheme the whole time. In a poem this long it nice to have it tied together by something like that. I also appreciated the humour in your rhyme scheme. ("James Pot . . . ter".) It makes it feel likes there's a real person that wrote this. :)

Rhythm is equally important as the rhyme scheme. Whenever someone speaks, you can hear the rhythm in his or her speech. If someone's rhythm is off, his or her speech sounds really weird. Does that make sense? Rhythm troubles happen to everyone. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so if the rhythm isn't exactly to my liking I quit. (I can't even count how many times that's happened.) That's right: I'm a quitter. Kudos to you for not being lame like me.

Hopefully this doesn't sound condescending, dumb, painfully awkward, or rude. I don't mean for it to.

Smiles,
Luna

P.S. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Luna, thou art amazing! Thanks for the concrit and comments, it means a lot to me when people aren't afraid to tell me the errors I make without hiding them subtley or trying to sugar-coat it (can you guess that this has happened to me recently?;) ). I love that you enjoyed this, and that you liked that stanza and the James Pot...ter line; in Poetry, Anyone? on the forums, a few people told me to either edit the wording or edit it out completely. I understand the bit about rhythm and rhyming a lot better now that you've explained it like that, and I'm really grateful that you took the time to let me know. None of that was "condescending, dumb, painfully awkward, or rude"; I really appreciated it. Thanks for R&Ring! {BeccA}

ur ending gave me goose bumps! i thought that was good! my favorite part was: he second one was brave and true,
And only once did not
Immediately get what he desired
This boy was surely James Pot...ter.

that made me laugh!
good job!

Author's Response: Thank you! My poem gave you goose bumps? Huh. That's pretty cool! I didn't take too long writing it, most likely less than half an hour. And as for that stanza...There were a couple people on the forums who told me that it wasn't necessary there, and that I could change it. I guess I forgot...Hmm. Thanks for reading and reviewing! (And if you want, my one-shot Don't Leave Just Yet doesn't have any reviews yet... I think you''d like it! /shameless self-advertising. {BeccA}