Reviews For I Solemnly Swear
Reviewer: Nevilles Girl
Date: 08/31/09 13:09
Chapter: I Solemnly Swear

"With laughs and joy
And plans and pride
They took that magical world
And flipped it on its side."

>>This might be my favorite stanza. It feels genuine. Also, the words really flow together.

Your poem was really enjoyable. One thing I did notice was in every stanza, the first line works well as does the fourth line, but sometimes the middle lines jar. My main concern is that you seemed to be more concerned about rhyming than the rhythm.

I like that you stayed with the same rhyme scheme the whole time. In a poem this long it nice to have it tied together by something like that. I also appreciated the humour in your rhyme scheme. ("James Pot . . . ter".) It makes it feel likes there's a real person that wrote this. :)

Rhythm is equally important as the rhyme scheme. Whenever someone speaks, you can hear the rhythm in his or her speech. If someone's rhythm is off, his or her speech sounds really weird. Does that make sense? Rhythm troubles happen to everyone. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so if the rhythm isn't exactly to my liking I quit. (I can't even count how many times that's happened.) That's right: I'm a quitter. Kudos to you for not being lame like me.

Hopefully this doesn't sound condescending, dumb, painfully awkward, or rude. I don't mean for it to.

Smiles,
Luna

P.S. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Luna, thou art amazing! Thanks for the concrit and comments, it means a lot to me when people aren't afraid to tell me the errors I make without hiding them subtley or trying to sugar-coat it (can you guess that this has happened to me recently?;) ). I love that you enjoyed this, and that you liked that stanza and the James Pot...ter line; in Poetry, Anyone? on the forums, a few people told me to either edit the wording or edit it out completely. I understand the bit about rhythm and rhyming a lot better now that you've explained it like that, and I'm really grateful that you took the time to let me know. None of that was "condescending, dumb, painfully awkward, or rude"; I really appreciated it. Thanks for R&Ring! {BeccA}

Reviewer: ron lover
Date: 08/16/09 17:02
Chapter: I Solemnly Swear

I really LOVE this poem. It's so amazing.

Author's Response: Oh! Well, thank you! I don't know if it's necessarily 'amazing', but it could be! Thanks for reading and reviewing and liking it as much as you seem to. I didn't expect for people to necessarily like this, but I guess they do! Thanks again! {BeccA}

Reviewer: The_Dream_Team
Date: 08/16/09 15:53
Chapter: I Solemnly Swear

ur ending gave me goose bumps! i thought that was good! my favorite part was: he second one was brave and true,
And only once did not
Immediately get what he desired
This boy was surely James Pot...ter.

that made me laugh!
good job!

Author's Response: Thank you! My poem gave you goose bumps? Huh. That's pretty cool! I didn't take too long writing it, most likely less than half an hour. And as for that stanza...There were a couple people on the forums who told me that it wasn't necessary there, and that I could change it. I guess I forgot...Hmm. Thanks for reading and reviewing! (And if you want, my one-shot Don't Leave Just Yet doesn't have any reviews yet... I think you''d like it! /shameless self-advertising. {BeccA}

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
Severus Snape and the Kiss Of Death by Hotrav 1st-2nd Years
When you lived half of your life a double-agent it is hard to to keep what is...
Neville's Chocolate Toads by The Ravenclaw Sheerio 1st-2nd Years
Neville Longbottom is known for his constant mistakes. When he pronounces the...
FEATURED
Wild Card by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
It was going to happen eventually: Oliver Wood had to retire. But when the decision...
Half-life by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Neville has the rest of his life ahead of him, but all he can do is look back...
Skinny Love by xxbabewithbrainsxx 6th-7th Years
“I’ve always been chubby. Admit it.” “You’ve never been skinny...
Tigerlily by Maple_and_PheonixFeather 3rd-5th Years
You promised yourself you'd never hurt her, but there are times when you wonder...
Astriferous by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Merope Gaunt has never been celestial.Nominated for a 2014 QSQ - Best Dark/Angst.
CATEGORIES