(Signed) · Date:
08/12/09 7:21 · For:
The Missing Twenty-four Hours
Aw, Terri, this was a lovely story. I haven’t read many fics featuring Hagrid as a main character, but I think you captured him perfectly. You show his caring nature well, by little things like his last few lines of dialogue and that he doesn’t go to sleep. And you did a good job with his dialogue by the way; you didn’t just drop off random letters -- you kept it consistent, and I could hear Hagrid. Though with Hagrid’s speech, you did have him saying ‘ye’ a lot, and that sounds kind of like old English. I’d use ‘yeh’ instead when writing him – that’s what JKR uses, and it sounds more natural I think.
“You’re going to be okay, ‘Arry. And someday, you will be a great wizard like your dad.”
That line managed to make my eyes well up. It’s very Hagrid, but also it’s so sweet, and I know that his prediction comes true which adds more weight to it. In the moment, it pulls at the heartstrings, because of what Harry’s been through. Also, I like how there’s no dialogue tag there, because I read it how I imagined he would say it – and I’m sure I probably read it how you intended – and it seems smoother than it would be with ‘he said’ or whatever. That’s good I reckon, because it doesn’t distract from what he’s saying.
I think it was good how Hagrid [excepting Dumbledore] was really the only one to know about Lily and James at this point, and everybody else was just getting to the stage where they were hearing whispered rumours. It kind of made it harder for Hagrid, because when he was asked why he had a baby he had to explain, and besides that he had to look after Harry. Of course, that’s a great responsibility and he’s proud to be trusted with it, but caring for Harry probably makes it tougher for him to comprehend what it all means, etc.. If you know what I mean....
Yeah, this was a great story, Terri. Overall, I think what makes it so good is that you captured the emotions in the dialogue, etc., and it really pulled me into the fic. Great job, dear. xx
Author's Response: Spire,
Thank you for your review. I agree with you over the ye/yeh thing and I am going to go in and edit the story. I have written Hagrid before for Who Am I? but I still worry about getting his speech just right. Thanks again.