Reviewer: AidaLuthien
Date: 11/28/10 15:56
Chapter: Chapter 1

This is a really interesting take on a minor character. I really enjoyed how you've expanded Marietta's backstory.

I'm not sure I can piece together the Marietta in your story with the one we see in canon. It's not that I find fault with your characterization of her within your one-shot, that makes perfect sense, but I'm not sure how she makes the jump from this very determined to do Something, to turning in the DA. There's no hints of what might make her change her mind so completely.

I do like that you've taken a character that is canonically very minor and not particularly likable and made her likable and understandable.

Now for two little nitpicks. First, here: "Fat-ass belly, she commented mentally." As my beta keeps telling me, thoughts have to be in italics. Second, the very last line of the story reads "But there was on thing" It should be one thing. It drove me crazy because it's the very last line and it just took me right out of the story.

Some of your lines were really brilliant though. I really liked this one: "She managed it, barely, a thousand scathing remarks restrained just behind her teeth" and this one, "too slow to be one of the petit allegros her ballet mistress had insisted were vital to build stamina".

All in all, this was a very enjoyable little one-shot.

Reviewer: darkchocolatemntn
Date: 08/16/09 18:21
Chapter: Chapter 1

good job, very well written, but if she liked cedric and cho so much, and was so mad at her mom, and wanting Voldemorte to die, why would she tell on the DA?

Author's Response: A lot changes in eight months. Parental pressure can be very hard to resist.

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist
Date: 08/16/09 13:38
Chapter: Chapter 1

This is excellent. Interesting premise, awesome charaterization, great writing. Great story.

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
M.I.T.: Entente Cordiale by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
Not From Others by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
She may not have been able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione, but Ginny refuses...
FEATURED
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...
CATEGORIES