Login
MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: AidaLuthien (Signed) · Date: 11/28/10 15:56 · For: Chapter 1
This is a really interesting take on a minor character. I really enjoyed how you've expanded Marietta's backstory.

I'm not sure I can piece together the Marietta in your story with the one we see in canon. It's not that I find fault with your characterization of her within your one-shot, that makes perfect sense, but I'm not sure how she makes the jump from this very determined to do Something, to turning in the DA. There's no hints of what might make her change her mind so completely.

I do like that you've taken a character that is canonically very minor and not particularly likable and made her likable and understandable.

Now for two little nitpicks. First, here: "Fat-ass belly, she commented mentally." As my beta keeps telling me, thoughts have to be in italics. Second, the very last line of the story reads "But there was on thing" It should be one thing. It drove me crazy because it's the very last line and it just took me right out of the story.

Some of your lines were really brilliant though. I really liked this one: "She managed it, barely, a thousand scathing remarks restrained just behind her teeth" and this one, "too slow to be one of the petit allegros her ballet mistress had insisted were vital to build stamina".

All in all, this was a very enjoyable little one-shot.


Name: darkchocolatemntn (Signed) · Date: 08/16/09 18:21 · For: Chapter 1
good job, very well written, but if she liked cedric and cho so much, and was so mad at her mom, and wanting Voldemorte to die, why would she tell on the DA?

Author's Response: A lot changes in eight months. Parental pressure can be very hard to resist.


Name: Hermiones_Therapist (Signed) · Date: 08/16/09 13:38 · For: Chapter 1
This is excellent. Interesting premise, awesome charaterization, great writing. Great story.

Author's Response: Thanks very much!


You must login (register) to review.