Reviewer: AidaLuthien
Date: 11/28/10 15:56
Chapter: Chapter 1

This is a really interesting take on a minor character. I really enjoyed how you've expanded Marietta's backstory.

I'm not sure I can piece together the Marietta in your story with the one we see in canon. It's not that I find fault with your characterization of her within your one-shot, that makes perfect sense, but I'm not sure how she makes the jump from this very determined to do Something, to turning in the DA. There's no hints of what might make her change her mind so completely.

I do like that you've taken a character that is canonically very minor and not particularly likable and made her likable and understandable.

Now for two little nitpicks. First, here: "Fat-ass belly, she commented mentally." As my beta keeps telling me, thoughts have to be in italics. Second, the very last line of the story reads "But there was on thing" It should be one thing. It drove me crazy because it's the very last line and it just took me right out of the story.

Some of your lines were really brilliant though. I really liked this one: "She managed it, barely, a thousand scathing remarks restrained just behind her teeth" and this one, "too slow to be one of the petit allegros her ballet mistress had insisted were vital to build stamina".

All in all, this was a very enjoyable little one-shot.

Reviewer: darkchocolatemntn
Date: 08/16/09 18:21
Chapter: Chapter 1

good job, very well written, but if she liked cedric and cho so much, and was so mad at her mom, and wanting Voldemorte to die, why would she tell on the DA?

Author's Response: A lot changes in eight months. Parental pressure can be very hard to resist.

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist
Date: 08/16/09 13:38
Chapter: Chapter 1

This is excellent. Interesting premise, awesome charaterization, great writing. Great story.

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Cera Hipkiss is (Apparently) Annoying by Kceratops 6th-7th Years
As Cera Hipkiss begins her sixth year at Hogwarts, she is pretty used to feeling...
Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat's Choice by EmmaGM 1st-2nd Years
The smallest detail can influence thousands of lives. An other universe story...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
Where Light and Shadow Meet by Ennalee 1st-2nd Years
All his life, Percy has built and gathered, painted and carved, and now everything...
Different in the Morning by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
Seventh year is almost over, and after indulging in the kitchen a bit too much...
Rid of Me by littlebird 6th-7th Years
Hermione gets the cat, the flat, the food, and the furniture. Ron gets the family...
CATEGORIES