Reviews For The Raven Within
Reviewer: helz_belz
Date: 10/02/09 7:14
Chapter: Prologue

What an interesting depiction of the scene in the book. It is almost like the Baron has two personalities - one loves Helena and one wants to posses her.

Live alone and gain all of the knowledge in the world. Yes, that seemed like the right thing to do.

From what we see of Helena, I think this is very in character. Once she has stolen the Diadem, she doesn't know what to do with it. So she is lost, even if she won't admit it to herself. Great start :)

Reviewer: ron lover
Date: 09/02/09 15:30
Chapter: Prologue

I really like this story so far. The characterization is great. I especially love the guy. I think you did him perfectally. Personally, I think that it's hard to write in this time period, but you did a great job ion it. Everything seems like its back then. I also like Helena's characterization through out the chapter. It was god. My favorite paragraph is:

Her body thrashed and rolled as he continually drew his arm into the air and then let it fall onto her body. Her shrieks were deafening, even when her face was in the ground. He kept the repetition going until he noticed the whimpering stop.

I love it because it is worded really well (and not because I like reading about people being stabbed). Something about it makes me like it more than any other paragraph. I also like the last paragraph to. It's a great way to end the chapter. It was also fun to read.

I just really like this story and I think you are doing a great time with the time period. But wouldn't she hae to hide the diadem before she was killed? Or did the guy hide it after? I don't have a book to check, so I'm not sure. I'm probably just coming up with things in my mind, but oh well. I hope the next chapter is up soon because I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Reviewer: the_bouncing_ferret
Date: 08/22/09 21:18
Chapter: Prologue

I love this so much! I've always wanted to write a story about the Founders, etc., and I'm so glad someone wrote one (that's really good, too!!) I can't wait till the next chapters! Update soon!
I'm proud to be your second reviewer--I hope you will remember me when your story becomes really popular!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will definately remember you! hehe. The first chapter is with my beta right now, so it should be up soon!

Reviewer: Russia Snow
Date: 08/18/09 18:57
Chapter: Prologue

Wow. Sarah that was really good! You really captured Helena's character. You had her almost confident at the beginning, until she remembered that she was being followed and would never be free. She is just awesome once she meets the baron. She tries so hard to be defiant but you can sense the fear in her. It is quite sad really :(

Argh, the death scene. Loved it! It was fantastic!

Her body thrashed and rolled as he continually drew his arm into the air and then let it fall onto her body. Her shrieks were deafening, even when her face was in the ground. He kept the repetition going until he noticed the whimpering stop.

He sat on his knees, staring down at the mutilated body. His chest rose and fell with every quick breath he drew in. He stared at the red knife and then at the girl. His love. His Lady-to-be. He stared at the knife once more and took hold of it with both of hands as tears rolled from his eyes.


Oh Sarah, this is just heartbreaking! I kinda feel sad for the baron too, even thought he is evil for killing poor Helena, but he really did just love her... But yeah, the entirety of this prolouge is awesometastic! I can't wait for the next chapters!

Russia xxxxx

Author's Response: Thanks Russia! First review *squishes* I'm so glad you like it! Thank you for the amazing review, you awesome lion, you!

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