Reviewer: annabok
Date: 11/29/09 8:10
Chapter: A Ray of Sun

Good, very good:) keep up the good work for me, would you? (a)

Reviewer: ericajen
Date: 10/20/09 21:44
Chapter: A Ray of Sun

I really like your story so far; it's very creative. I love Draco/Luna and this really explored something that most don't. Namely, them being friends pre-Hogwarts. And I can't wait until Luna gets to Hogwarts and finds Draco to not be the same person she knew. Update soon; I'm excited to read more!

Author's Response: I am workin on the next chapter, but don't expect it to be really soon. (Y'know, what with homework and stuff) But thank youfor the review! It's very motivational!! =)

Reviewer: DracoGurlFurever
Date: 08/12/09 2:21
Chapter: A Ray of Sun

Hey!

What a great plot bunny! This was a great idea to choose to write about, and you certainly did it well!

I particularly liked your writing style throughout – I almost felt like I could hear Luna speaking. The way you made her speak in short, straight-forward sentences was completely in character for me, and you certainly did an excellent job there. She sometimes seemed a little…sharp for me, though. I mean, Luna just seems so nice in the books that I was sometimes surprised by the way she was reacting to Draco’s remarks. For example, here: "If you can get it off the ground first," I snickered. I thought that was quite harsh – by Luna standards, anyway :)

The interaction between Draco and Luna was very cute – they’re not much written about together, but it was a very interesting friendship. I also liked the way you wove in the fact that all of this happens before either of them ever go to Hogwarts – there was an innocence about the beginning part of this story that was very enjoyable. I think you made Luna a little more competitive than she seems to be in the books, though: We were also extremely competitive with each other. We would play wizard's chess and gobstones all day, yelling until we were hoarse. I couldn’t imagine Luna yelling about anything! She’s a strong character, but I think she might be a little more docile than you made her out to be.

Your characterization of Draco was great, though, all round. You did an amazing job of letting both the childish and the controlled part of Draco shine through the story. The way he rants on about Harry Potter and the way he also talks about his birthday were very well-written, and showed a lot about his character. They’re only kids, after all.

And, lastly, a few little grammar nitpicks:

Then there was a boy who you could only assume was their son, because his appearance was a strict, mirror image of the two adults. I would’ve preferred “who I could only assume” instead of “who you could only assume.” For some reason, the use of the word “you” threw me off a little, because you use “I” throughout the rest of the paragraph. Eventually he noticed me standing there, watching him. He must've found it odd, because he stopped flying (or at least the attempt). Maybe you could’ve reworded the last part to “because he stopped flying – or, at least, attempting to.” The way it currently is sounded a little awkward to me. "Obviously, if he defeated the greatest wizard of all time, he must be a freak." he stated, matter-of-factly. There should be a comma after freak, not a period.

In any case, it was great to read this one-shot, and I definitely hope you write more!

Apurva.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! I really appreciate it. I'll definately try to fix my mistakes. I'm glad you pointed them out. Thanks again!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
The Full House by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
"Power and the money, money and the power,Minute after minute, hour after hour."-Gangsta's...
Dark Enough To See The Stars by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Scorpius is looking for answers in the constellation that bears his name. He...
The Ties That Bind by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
"Life is short, but this time it was biggerThan the strength he had to get up...
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
CATEGORIES