Good, very good:) keep up the good work for me, would you? (a)

Hey!

What a great plot bunny! This was a great idea to choose to write about, and you certainly did it well!

I particularly liked your writing style throughout – I almost felt like I could hear Luna speaking. The way you made her speak in short, straight-forward sentences was completely in character for me, and you certainly did an excellent job there. She sometimes seemed a little…sharp for me, though. I mean, Luna just seems so nice in the books that I was sometimes surprised by the way she was reacting to Draco’s remarks. For example, here: "If you can get it off the ground first," I snickered. I thought that was quite harsh – by Luna standards, anyway :)

The interaction between Draco and Luna was very cute – they’re not much written about together, but it was a very interesting friendship. I also liked the way you wove in the fact that all of this happens before either of them ever go to Hogwarts – there was an innocence about the beginning part of this story that was very enjoyable. I think you made Luna a little more competitive than she seems to be in the books, though: We were also extremely competitive with each other. We would play wizard's chess and gobstones all day, yelling until we were hoarse. I couldn’t imagine Luna yelling about anything! She’s a strong character, but I think she might be a little more docile than you made her out to be.

Your characterization of Draco was great, though, all round. You did an amazing job of letting both the childish and the controlled part of Draco shine through the story. The way he rants on about Harry Potter and the way he also talks about his birthday were very well-written, and showed a lot about his character. They’re only kids, after all.

And, lastly, a few little grammar nitpicks:

Then there was a boy who you could only assume was their son, because his appearance was a strict, mirror image of the two adults. I would’ve preferred “who I could only assume” instead of “who you could only assume.” For some reason, the use of the word “you” threw me off a little, because you use “I” throughout the rest of the paragraph. Eventually he noticed me standing there, watching him. He must've found it odd, because he stopped flying (or at least the attempt). Maybe you could’ve reworded the last part to “because he stopped flying – or, at least, attempting to.” The way it currently is sounded a little awkward to me. "Obviously, if he defeated the greatest wizard of all time, he must be a freak." he stated, matter-of-factly. There should be a comma after freak, not a period.

In any case, it was great to read this one-shot, and I definitely hope you write more!

Apurva.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! I really appreciate it. I'll definately try to fix my mistakes. I'm glad you pointed them out. Thanks again!