Haha funny conversation...but I like your story. :)
I have to say that I did not realise you wrote this piece. It’s interesting you take such a spin. It’s not canon, of course, but it is rather interesting. I am reading this again with the intention of landing a review and actually posting it this time. If you think about it, for those of us who enjoy tying these knots (that’s you, not me), are you keeping in mind that these people are already connected in a bloodline? I understand where you see that window of opportunity. Yes, Draco, was friendlier toward Ginny, except for his lovely snide comments, than he was toward, oh, say, Ron and his brothers. Outside of perhaps the Chamber of Secrets, there was not much of an opportunity there. You pulled that out and made it believable for those who are even slightly open-minded. You know me. I’m an open book if you can pull it off well.
“Thought I might have laid an ambush, Potter? Played some kind of trick on you?”
“Well, Malfoy, I mean-“
Not that I like comparing the movie script to the literature, but can’t you just hear Tom Felton pulling this one off? That is spot on characterization and a nice entrance. The conversation flows through quite nicely and they banter, which is not overdone. But I take issue here:
“Muggle-borns? Muggle-borns? If Hermione was here, she might have had a heart attack at your use of that term – don’t you usually go for the insulting approach?”
Hermione might have been offended, yes, but that’s an over exaggeration. Think of her in the books. Except for that case when Malfoy really ticked her off in Azkaban, she took that insult quite lightly. She’d stand over to the side, for what else could you say except, ‘That’s not me, you asinine fool.’ If I remember correctly, she often hid behind and let Harry and Ron handle matters. They defended her.
Harry remained silent, letting Draco think. After a while, he couldn’t contain himself any longer. “Okay, it’s been thirty seconds, and while it’s very reassuring to hear you mumble words to yourself and thus inform me that you’re not asleep, I’d really like to know what’s going on.”
Yes, I agree with him. It’s getting rather old, isn’t it? Part of me is torn here. I want to say you relied on repeated banters too much, but perhaps that is your intention. I swing in and out here at times. You probably meant to push that to some effect along the way. At least it’s not teenage banter, which is what I expected, but perhaps Harry has a point: it’s too drawn out and you’re losing me.
The realisation is a smart move. You have Draco defend an answer. The open-ended ending is interesting. Did I mention the warehouses?
Okay, so I'm a complete prat. I read this when it first came out, but for some brain dead reason, I didn't leave a review...shaaaaaaaaaaame! Normally, I'm a serial reviewer, so I have no idea why I didn't leave a review the first time.
If you didn't know, I'm completely in love the the Harmony ship, and while I can't really tell if it's Harry/Hermione that is married or if it is Ron/Hermione (but if it's after A Suitable Young Man, then this observation is irrelevant), I can still pretend in my mind that it's Harmony, and that makes me happy.
Anyway, away from my ridiculous fangirling, I adore the dynamics between Harry and Draco. This is always how I pictured them for the first decade or so out of school, with an eventual cease of hostilities. You did very well in capturing Draco's insecurities about how Harry would react to this news, let alone the fear that Ron, who is a much bigger fellow than Draco, would tear his arms (not to mention other things) off. He knew that Harry would be at least non-combative physically.
I like the fact that you wrote this as almost complete dialogue, because the way you wrote the hedging and the stammering, the extra bits in there weren't necessary. My own personal writing style usually involves a lot of thinking on the part of the character, but I do love the way they both wear their hearts on their sleeves.
I also agree with Amanda's review that you should maybe incorporate some of the missing moments, such as Draco's first meeting with Ron as Ginny's new beau. Yeah, that would be hilarious and enchanting.
All in all, after much pontification on my part, this was a great little story, and it was a very good companion piece to ASYM, which I also adored. Please feel free to write more. :D
Author's Response: Awww, thanks for the wonderful review, Jess! It was great to see that you liked the way the dynamic between Harry and Draco worked - I tried hard to make sure it was somewhat believable, and I may or may not have read it out loud in Draco's snarky voice, haha ;) I also think the whole dialogue-only thing goes both ways - some people seem to really like it and others, well, don't. I suppose it's a matter of taste, really. As for writing the first meeting with the Weasleys, I've been working on it, I promise! :) Hopefully it'll be up soon. Again, thanks SO much for reviewing, dear! *hug* Apurva.
Right. Well. . . O_O
We’ll get to explanations on the extremely shocked eyes in a mo’. . ..
I’m basically in love with this. The idea, the characterization, the characterization . . . the characterization. The characterization. Have I mentioned the characterization? Fan-squiggley-tastic. But before I blabber on, I have to say that the dialog was deterring. Not that I’d trade a single laugh at nearly every line, but the amount of it, so sparsely broken up by description, was really off-putting to the extent that it interrupted the enjoyability (not a word!). Describing body language, movement, what’s happening around them – all of it can add to a scene just as much as quick-witted bantering, and more. If just a few passages were broken up with better-detailed scenes, it would, IMO, certainly add to the overall quality.
And O_O My Godric! I never thought I’d ever find a Draco whose trademarked wittiness was something I’d actually expect to hear from Draco. It’s brilliant! The both of them – I was doubled over with laughs through nearly every line! The premise of the story – that’s worth a laugh too! (Not Ginny and Draco, but Draco having to go to Harry. Just . . . xD) My Godric, poor Draco. And Harry’s reaction was just spot-on perfect.
Gahh. This was so wonderful. =D I do hope you get more stories up. Particularly stories with Draco, and Harry. Please and thank you. =D =D
Author's Response: Awww thanks so much for your wonderful review! It made me smile :) And I totally see what you mean about the dialogue - actually, this was supposed to be an entry for the Gift of Gab challenge before I decided to not make it one, haha. Anyway, I'm SO glad you liked the characterization; I tried to make it as close to the vision of Draco and Harry in my head as possible. Plus I'm glad you found it funny! Thanks so much for reviewing again :) *hug* Apurva.
OHMIGOSH this is amazing!!!!!
Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! ~ Apurva.
You’ll be happy to know that your pretty banner is doing its job. :)
I thought this was a darling piece. I love conversations between mature!Harry and Draco. They both have to do some growing up from canon to get along. I do think Draco could have retained a bit more of his former nature; he seems almost too nice. But I’m glad he’s still sarcastic and insulting towards Harry.
I was a bit confused when Draco said that the shed had been a strip club, because I pictured it as being quite small. Maybe it would be helpful if a bit more was described about the shed?
It’s actually great – the best thing that’s ever happened to me, at the risk of sounding more cheerful than a ‘proper Malfoy’ should, as my father might have said.” I like this line, because it shows Draco’s dissatisfaction with how he was brought up, in contrast with how he lives now.
Because nothing I say will ever make Ginny think of you in any way other than a big, fat, slimy git, in case you’re wondering.” I also like this line, because it shows how Harry tends to take Ginny for granted and think he always knows what she’s thinking.
“Okay. Take your time.” Draco actually fell silent; I liked the contrast here between Harry, who let Draco mumble to himself for thirty seconds before bursting with impatience, and Draco, who let Harry process for a couple of minutes in complete silence. Draco definitely seems to have a cooler, more patient demeanor than Harry.
The one thing I wished this story could have had more of was backstory. Like if Harry had asked Draco how he and Ginny got together, or Draco had made some disparaging comment about how Harry and Hermione got together, or they had talked more about the war. Still, it’s a good fic, and I’d like to read more of your work!
Author's Response: LiLu! Thanks for the review, dear :) And I saw that you're using the banner (yay!) I'm definitely going to come read that story soon. In any case, I'm glad you liked this story! As for the backstory, I agree - maybe I'll write some more in the future about all those topics you mentioned. Haha, I'm afraid I always end up making Draco too nice - he just seems so...grown-up in my head! Anyway, thanks again :) *hug* Apurva.
Ha ha! That was indeed an enjoyable conversation. I liked it, even though I am not a Dramione or Harmione fan. :D Why? Because you gave them rather delightful dialogues. Draco Malfoy does seem quite in character here. I know you know how I envision him is quite different from this version, but I still think yours is more…realistic.
The only thing that I found a little bumpy was your characterization of Harry. There were parts when he seemed too loquacious. Or, maybe, it’s just how I have always imagined him – a person of not many words, especially when things get serious. And, oh yes, Draco Malfoy revealing romantic feelings for a Weasley is indeed something to be serious about. Lol! But, going by the way you have envisioned your Post-Hogwarts world – Harry marrying Hermione and Draco marrying Ginny and going strong with the Witch Weekly as well, I suppose you needed to bring some changes.
The funny thing is, my favorite lines from your fic were Harry’s:
“Okay, it’s been thirty seconds, and while it’s very reassuring to hear you mumble words to yourself and thus inform me that you’re not asleep, I’d really like to know what’s going on.”
“You stole the words from my mouth, Malfoy.”
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the wonderful review! I really appreciate it :) I'm very glad you liked my Draco - as for Harry, the thought process behind his dialogue was that I felt like he would want to reciprocate all of Draco's sarcasm. Harry's never been the "just let it go and ignore it" type (although he's more that way than Ron is) and I couldn't imagine him just staying silent when Draco was making all these sarcastic remarks - rather, I felt, he would want to respond in kind. Also, I'm so happy you found it at least a little funny! :) Thanks again for the review! *hug* Apurva.
you're an amazing beta reader and an amazing writer. haha. thank you once more for all of your help.
the story was really nice. it started differently for once which made it stand out from other romance fics. nice job. :D!
keep on writing you hear? but only after you've edited my stories. haha. LOL. jk. :)
Author's Response: Haha awww that was such a wonderfully sweet review! Thanks so much :) I'm happy to help, of course, and I'm ridiculously pleased that you liked my story. I was really hoping the fact that it focused on Harry&Draco, not Draco&Ginny, would make it stand out a little. *hopes to continue writing* *but only after she's edited your stories, of course!* Apurva.
I really like this story. It's really good. I don't read many Draco/Ginny stories except for the one you betaed and this one is just as good as that one. I hape you write more stories in the future.
Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review! I hope I find another plot bunny soon, too - writing this was a lot of fun :) *hug* Apurva.
thats pretty good.
Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Well, I usually don’t read Draco/Ginny as I’m more of a canon shipper. But as you hinted you’d like a review from me, here I am. :)
Anyway. I thought this to be an interesting take on the pairing; it’s not like the usual romances you see in this category. Also, I liked that the pairing was explained through the conversation which was entertaining, to say the least. It didn’t stand in the foreground like in other stories which sets your story apart from the others. There were places where I snorted alongside Harry or smirked just like Draco. Nicely done, especially the distractions from the actual topic which made reading entertaining in the first place. Draco trying to avoid the topic until he had gathered enough courage to tell Harry was just brilliant. I really loved that, more so that it didn’t become boring or tedious to follow the conversation. It flowed freely and smoothly.
I also found that you did a good job on the characterisation, as Harry’s recklessness and trust in Hermione shone through as well as what makes Draco a typical Slytherin, with his believe in pure-blood supremacy and his smirks and snarls. However, at the beginning, I found the characterisation to be a bit weak – not OOC, just a bit weak. I can’t quite put my finger on it exactly; I only know that it didn’t quite feel as strong as in the books. But once you got the ball rolling, both men were characterised nicely.
What I found to be missing was the explanation how Draco fell in love with Ginny. The entire conversation Harry and Draco had was very convincing and believably written – it felt completely real and as if I was there – but the entire time I was asking myself how Draco and Ginny fell in love with each other. Draco said it was true love he felt for Ginny, but how did it happen? When? Why? Giving the readers an explanation for a non-canon pairing I think is vital to a story that isn’t about a pairing we know from the books.
What I was also wondering: Who is Harry’s wife? Hermione? It didn’t come across quite clearly. The entire time I thought he was married to Ginny which is why Harry reacted like he did, but when Draco said she’s his fiancée, it became clear Harry’s not married to Ginny. But to whom?
Overall, I really liked this story. It was well-written and believable, apart from the point of the missing reason for Draco’s feelings. Great work, Apurva. :)
Author's Response: Haha thanks for the *lovely* review, Bine. I must say I couldn't resist having my reviewing professor write about my story ;) I'm so glad you found the story entertaining - I meant it to be a little funny (if not in the eligible-for-Humor-category way, at least in the snarky Draco way). I have to admit I had a little trouble with the characterization at the beginning, too, although like you I had trouble figuring out what to change and then decided to leave it as it was. I was inspired to write this after I read another Draco/Ginny story (one I'm betaing, called A Suitable Young Man) so I guess I took a few things for granted, like how they actually fall in love! Also, Harry's actually married to Hermione, haha - I meant that to be clearer from the get-go (when Draco tells Harry he didn't want Harry's wife to read it, Harry asks him not to insult Hermione). Anyway, thanks so much for the review! It was *amazing* to receive. *hug* Apurva.
it was really good! but doesn't JKR initialize, not underline the names of the magazines and newspapers? well, i take it harry and ginny didn't live happily ever after ): and it's sad that it's not for the 'gift of gab' challenge, as it's a conversation.... but it's still really really good! congradulations!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review :) I was actually really tempted to make this a Gift of Gab challenge entry, and I even took out all the dialogue tags, etc., to see how it would work, but ended up not submitting it to that challenge because the original conditions were that it should not be eligible for the category "Romance," and I wasn't sure what else I would submit this to :) But I'll hopefully write something else for the challenge. Also, I think you're right about italicizing magazines and newspapers. I'll go back and fix that. Again, thanks for the awesome review! *hug* Apurva.
In short, this is great! I love conversations between Harry and Draco (as you know!) and this was fantastic.
I enjoyed the tension you start off with, first with Harry waiting for Draco (in fact the whole beginning reminded me of the beginning of HBP when Harry is waiting for Dumbledore to arrive) and second with Draco's secretive demeanor.
Draco was silent for a minute, then replied rather obliquely. “It used to be a strip club, you know.”
This was clever. I can so imagine Draco saying something like this to buy himself time!
And I totally agree that your Draco is sexy. Draco is undeniably one of the sexiest character's in the HP universe and this really shone through.
So well done! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the wonderful review :) We do share a common love of sarcastic conversations between Harry and Draco, haha. As for him being sexy, *sigh* so true. I'm really tempted to write more about Draco, and I'll probably do so as soon as I find my next plot bunny! Again, thanks so much for reviewing! *hug* Apurva.
I completely just lost the review I left! :( But, all it said in several different ways was that this story is phenomenal!!
I really enjoyed reading this. It should NOT have been a one-shot! I really want to see Harry and Ron's conversation, and more of Draco, he's yummy....and super cute, describing the moment he fell in love with Ginny.
I didn't notice anything to nitpick, and I think your characterization and development of Harry and Draco's relationship in such a short story is awesome. It was a joy to read!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the wonderfully sweet review! It was great to see it as the first one I've ever received on Mugglenet. *hug* Isn't Draco cute, though? I absolutely loved writing him in this one-shot. The sarcastic remarks = very sexy, haha. I'm so glad you found my characterization good - it was one of the things I was most worried about! Again, thanks so much for this lovely review! Apurva.