What can I say? This is a wonderful oneshot. Oh, the arrogance of Lucius Malfoy. I just want to stick his wand where the sun don't shine! Why do these women put up with him?
Fangirling aside, this is excellent, BB. I love the way you drew attention to their 'near-albino' hair and when Narcissa walks in on them ... that thump sent shivers down my spine.
Umm, small nit-pick:
distraught wrought upon her face, visible in her every crease. I don't think you mean distraught - possibly distress or distraction.
But, that's it. I really did like the story, so well done. Carole xxx
Very different. Probably not far from the truth.
Wow, BB. I’m really kind of speechless. Give me a minute to find some words, yeah?
First of all, I am incredibly flattered that my story inspired this. It’s a little unbelievable , to tell the truth, and I still can’t exactly wrap my head around that author’s note. This is really rather wonderful, BB, and I’m very impressed with what you have written here. It has a certain tone that I don’t think I’ve ever read coming from you before, but it works really, really well. You pulled it off very nicely.
I really like the way you set up the beginning of the fic; it felt, to me, almost as if I were following Lucius Malfoy as he goes to St Mungos. Your Lucius Malfoy is very believable. The first scene with him, where he pays the man for the room and his silence, was very in character for him, I thought. Even the way he speaks, which is very important in characterization, was really well-written. I especially liked the touch of them conversing in whispered tones before Lucius drops the money bag; it was somewhat reminiscent of him in Borgin and Burkes, which really tied his character back to canon.
I really loved that you don’t mention the lover’s name in the first scene we see her in, but she has blond hair, making her similar to Narcissa. Until the next scene, I thought she was – which, I’m sure, was your intention. Then, of course, you start the next paragraph the very same way that you started the scene before it, and I thought that was a really good choice. It further exemplified the connection and similarities between the women I mentioned, and really was just a lovely use of a literary device to add to your point and your story as a whole. I liked the contrasts and similarities between them.
That last scene was my favorite of the piece, though. The way you accentuated Narcissa’s thoughts with the ‘Thumps’ made the whole scene more real; it was great imagery. Not only that, but the ‘Thumps’ are given further meaning when you compare them to the beats of Narcissa’s heart as well, and I thought that worked really well. It really tied the whole scene together.
Then, the last two paragraphs. I liked the portrait of their marriage that you painted, if only because you seemed to tie back to the way ‘it’s supposed to be’. Lucius’ reaction and Narcissa’s sudden understanding and silence go really well with what I imagine the marriages of ‘high’ standing would have been. Don’t ask, don’t tell sort of thing. I think you showed a great understanding in that.
Oh, and I just have to say – your summary was really enticing and captivating, and the mood fits the mood of the story, so good job on that.
Overall, I really loved this one-shot, BB. I think I might even say it’s the best thing you have written; it’s certainly my favorite. Yep, this is going into my favorites. Really well done, kid.
Oh god, I'm SO glad you liked it. I was afraid that you'd find it to be too similar to your story, and frankly, I was afraid of you reading it, seeing as you're the master of such stories.
I was totally inspired by BtHatD's tone and characters, and frankly, without that story, which is a few million times better than this, Secrets wouldn't be here. So really, thank you for an amazing review, which completely made my day and hade me beaming. :D