First off let me say “congratulations” on making September’s Slytherin of the Month. It’s a very high honor amongst our group, so bask in the glory while you can. It is well deserved.
I’m glad they did this reviewing thing for the SOTM now along with the questions. As much as the questions are fun, getting a review for your work is always flattering for an author to receive.
I picked this one because the summary stood out for me. I was always an awkward child and felt like a bit of a social outcast growing up. So to read a Hogwarts version of a coming of age story is intriguing.
I see that you captured it all very well. I can see the girl trying her best to fit in, doing everything as normal but still having this strange foreboding sense that she was going through some kind of change. And the kicker part about this plot was that the only person she could turn to be Hermione, who had went through the same thing herself.
I like that, cause it sends out a strong message that no one is ever alone in these things. Some stories can get somewhat Emo when they tread along this path, keeping the character content in being a social outcast. But you had her seek help from the one person who could relate to her. Young people need to realize that when feel that down then they need to reach out to get out of their dark feelings. So I’m glad to see that here.
My only nitpick I could say about this, is that it was very narrative and to the point. I didn’t see a whole lot of imagery or dialogue between her, the bullies, and per parents that could have given this story an added layer of drama to make this a really stand out piece in your arsenal of work.
I know in your previous review, you stated that this was your first story and you didn’t quite know where your direction was going with this. Yet I think you had a bit of writer’s tunnel vision in making this story - you didn’t veer off course to take the scenic route.
For example: As much as her parents thought she was weird, I would have loved to have seen that conversation between her and her parents were they’re trying to brush off her magic as some kind of medical condition. Like they were avoiding the topic of her “change.”
Or maybe a more heated confrontation between her and the bullies where she comes so close to exploding that they ran off before she could cause any perminant harm.
That’s the type of dynamic that I would have liked to have seen that would have leave me worried for her. That this girl is getting so out of control with her abilities that it would leave you wondering, “Well who could she turn to now?” And the answer, of course, would come in the form of Hermione.
Overall, I love the story. I love the hope in the message that it brings. And I love how it ended with her being an older witch, watching her children and live out the adventures that she was blessed to live when she found out her change was perfectly normal.
Great job. And congratulations again.
This is cute :) and very well written.
Author's Response: Thankyou! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :) ~ginnygirl16~
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. This was my first one-shot I have ever attempted and I wasn't sure how it was going to turn. I'm glad you liked it. ~ginnygirl16~