This is a really nice story! It's cute. I like the Christmas part. I've heard a lot about from one of my friends (zazzy7)! You should write more, You are so awesome at writing!!!
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! It was really nice to write. Glad you enjoyed it!
I've procrastinated reading this story for some time now – even though I read about it on the forum and noticed the banner.
And now it made me cry :( It was very short, but very much on the point too.. It fits so well with Lily, and it breaks my heart to feel her loss...
Man I really wanna call my dad now >.<
I also liked the way Petunia treated Lily in the first bit (the christmas-one) it's only a brief glimpse into their relationship, but it's really how I imagine an older sister to treat her younger one – careful, explaining everything...
I'd like to leave you a more detailed and constructive review, but I can't think clearly enough at the moment..
I loved your story a lot.
Author's Response: Aww, thanks Kara! Peace, Gen. :) xo
Hello. This is a sweet story. I do like reading stories about Lily's childhood that aren't all about Snape. These moments with her father are very touching.
I did spot a typo that you may wish to change. Whene they are wading into the river, you've put 'willies'. I hope you mean 'wellies' because otherwise Lily appears to have changed gender *giggles*
That was all. Overall I really enjoyed this. It's a nice moment in time (or a few actually) and sad at the end.
~Carole~
Author's Response: Haha, thanks Carole! I went back to fix that. I didn't even notice that! Peace, Gen :)
Wow, this is a really sweet and original story. I do have a couple of nitpicks, though:
Lily,’ her father cooed shaking her lightly.
There should be a comma after cooed.
He sat her down his eyes twinkling.
should be a comma after down.
"Here, Lily, this is yours it’s from Daddy."
This is a run on sentence.
‘Yes, Lily. It is today,’ her father told her looking down at her.
there should be a comma after her.
Your main trouble seems to be with forgetting commas.
This is really good. Great 1st story!
Peace Out.
H_T
Author's Response: Thanks for the help. I changed them. :)
I LOVE this story. It was cute, then it got sad. :( It was great though. You need to write more. This was really good.
Author's Response: Aww! Thanks! This made my life today! :D
