I loved this. It was funny, and you did the characters great (Am I the only one who thought it was funny? Don't answer that). You should definitely write more all-dialogue.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'd love to write more all-dialogue but I don't think that we are allowed to. I wrote this for a challenge on the Beta Boards. Thanks for reading and reviewing. : )
Hello, there. I like your take on this prompt and think it's an excellent choice to use two Death Eaters as they try to explain their beliefs and actions. You kept the tension going throughout the piece and I was half-hoping that someone would discover them (I know, I know that couldn't have happened). Right, I do have a few nit-picks (sorry). There are some missing punctuation marks (commas mainly) - For instance Don’t get your want in a knot Malfoy. - you need a comma after knot. There's another instance when he mentions Macnair, that needs a comma too.
'muggle lover' Muggle should be capitalized.
You choose this. I think you mean chose - although choose could work, chose sounds better, in my opinion.
You will not loose. This should be lose - loose is when something isn't tight.
The other issue I have is when Macnair is talking to Lucius about his family. I don't think he'd dare call Narcissa a bitch - Lucius would have hexed him out of existence because Macnair just is not as important as Malfoy in the DE ranks. Also, there was a flawed logic in Macnair suggesting Draco was a coward so should have been in Gryffindor - although I guess Macnair could just be inconsistant. I was rather confused about when this was set. If Draco has the Dark Mark, and Arthur's in Diagon Alley with his family I presume it's just before the term starts in HBP. But ... Lucius was in Azkaban at the time. He doesn't get out until much later (I think he's still inside by the end of HBP when Draco's trying to kill Dumbledore)
I'm not sure Lucius would use the word 'guy' either. He's far too formal - and 'guy' is a modernish Americanism. Having said that, I did like that part of the fic, when he's warning Macnair about the danger of having a loose tongue.
Sorry, that was rather a lot of nit-picks. I did enjoy reading it, and certainly thought the interaction between the pair was good. The story flowed well, and the tension held throughout.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The reason Lucius didn't hex Macnair was because he knew it would ruin the plan. He would rather have him call his wife names than ruin the Dark Lords plan. He could get back at him later. Thanks for pointing out that I don't have my times right. I guess I forgot to add the AU warning... Oh yeah, thatnks for your little nit-pics. They helped.
hey alyssa lol great story gettin better lol
~Emily your best friend
Author's Response: Lol thanks Emily. Thanks for your review.