Reviews For Apollo
Reviewer: Liandrin
Date: 07/30/10 19:29
Chapter: Apollo

This is an amazing insight into Narcissa's character, and I'm quite impressed with your use of second person, especially since it's a PoV that is so unpopular amongst most readers. You utilise it brilliantly though, in order to make us, the reader, become Narcissa.

The ending, especially, is beautiful and resonant:

Draco is a warrior like his father. You hope – just maybe – that Draco will more like you. You want to see him shimmer and shine. You know this child – your son – is too good to simply be another star in the sky. You want this child to be more than a warrior. He does not need to wield a sword to be great.

Beautiful prose here and such a clever way to bring the reader full circle, back to the beginning of the story.


You are rather consistent with the second person, but there is one part where you switch into first: He thinks he’s so pretty. I hate to tell him he isn’t special. The 'I' should be a 'You', and, personally, I don't think this should be in italics as it isn't really her inner thoughts; however the first part of that sentence could be (the second sentence really shouldn't be italicised though).

You also need to watch your space of the paragraphs. I know I'm being nitpicky, but I just like to help you make your wonderful work even more wonderful and readable. ^_^

Overall, though, this is an excellent and original story. I loved it.


Author's Response: Thanks for your review!

Reviewer: augustarose
Date: 07/17/09 12:39
Chapter: Apollo

Very original and well- written. Beautiful imagery, I loved it!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked some of the imagery I used.

Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 07/17/09 7:41
Chapter: Apollo

this is really nice. I love this Adam character he is intriguing, i dont usually read short stories but i enjoyed this one.

Author's Response: Thanks!

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