Reviews For Apollo
Reviewer: Liandrin
Date: 07/30/10 19:29
Chapter: Apollo

This is an amazing insight into Narcissa's character, and I'm quite impressed with your use of second person, especially since it's a PoV that is so unpopular amongst most readers. You utilise it brilliantly though, in order to make us, the reader, become Narcissa.

The ending, especially, is beautiful and resonant:

Draco is a warrior like his father. You hope – just maybe – that Draco will more like you. You want to see him shimmer and shine. You know this child – your son – is too good to simply be another star in the sky. You want this child to be more than a warrior. He does not need to wield a sword to be great.

Beautiful prose here and such a clever way to bring the reader full circle, back to the beginning of the story.

Nitpicks:

You are rather consistent with the second person, but there is one part where you switch into first: He thinks he’s so pretty. I hate to tell him he isn’t special. The 'I' should be a 'You', and, personally, I don't think this should be in italics as it isn't really her inner thoughts; however the first part of that sentence could be (the second sentence really shouldn't be italicised though).

You also need to watch your space of the paragraphs. I know I'm being nitpicky, but I just like to help you make your wonderful work even more wonderful and readable. ^_^

Overall, though, this is an excellent and original story. I loved it.

~Lia

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!

Reviewer: augustarose
Date: 07/17/09 12:39
Chapter: Apollo

Very original and well- written. Beautiful imagery, I loved it!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked some of the imagery I used.

Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 07/17/09 7:41
Chapter: Apollo

this is really nice. I love this Adam character he is intriguing, i dont usually read short stories but i enjoyed this one.

Author's Response: Thanks!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
A Squib's Journey by ntoforhp 6th-7th Years
Jeffery Potter always had sensed he was somehow different from his playmates...
Cera Hipkiss is (Apparently) Annoying by Kceratops 6th-7th Years
As Cera Hipkiss begins her sixth year at Hogwarts, she is pretty used to feeling...
His Eyes Are Open by The_Real_Hermione 3rd-5th Years
Jane Creevey reflects on the death of her brother and the events that led up...
FEATURED
Thank you for your time, Professor by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
It is April 1976, and Minerva McGonagall sits in her office, arranging biscuits...
Heat of the Moment by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Professors
A night of paperwork, coffee, and burning the midnight oil... it wasn't...
A Splendid Fate by hestiajones 6th-7th Years
One failed photograph, two halved souls, and the numerous, marvellous machinations...
CATEGORIES