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Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Apollo

Name: Liandrin (Signed) · Date: 07/30/10 19:29 · For: Apollo
This is an amazing insight into Narcissa's character, and I'm quite impressed with your use of second person, especially since it's a PoV that is so unpopular amongst most readers. You utilise it brilliantly though, in order to make us, the reader, become Narcissa.

The ending, especially, is beautiful and resonant:

Draco is a warrior like his father. You hope – just maybe – that Draco will more like you. You want to see him shimmer and shine. You know this child – your son – is too good to simply be another star in the sky. You want this child to be more than a warrior. He does not need to wield a sword to be great.

Beautiful prose here and such a clever way to bring the reader full circle, back to the beginning of the story.

Nitpicks:

You are rather consistent with the second person, but there is one part where you switch into first: He thinks he’s so pretty. I hate to tell him he isn’t special. The 'I' should be a 'You', and, personally, I don't think this should be in italics as it isn't really her inner thoughts; however the first part of that sentence could be (the second sentence really shouldn't be italicised though).

You also need to watch your space of the paragraphs. I know I'm being nitpicky, but I just like to help you make your wonderful work even more wonderful and readable. ^_^

Overall, though, this is an excellent and original story. I loved it.

~Lia

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!


Name: augustarose (Signed) · Date: 07/17/09 12:39 · For: Apollo
Very original and well- written. Beautiful imagery, I loved it!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked some of the imagery I used.


Name: bellatrix-black-lestrange (Signed) · Date: 07/17/09 7:41 · For: Apollo
this is really nice. I love this Adam character he is intriguing, i dont usually read short stories but i enjoyed this one.

Author's Response: Thanks!


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