MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Padfoot Patronus (Signed) · Date: 03/24/12 21:02 · For: Prologue: Mess It All Up
Will you be writing more of this?

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 09/30/09 12:12 · For: Chapter 2: Something's Caught in the Bushes, Someone Left us a Note
So like, I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to come and review this chapter. I’d already read most of it, of course, but still.

This chapter reminds me why your writing is so wonderful, particularly your fan fiction writing. Obviously your original fiction is equally awesome, but what I especially love about your fan fiction is the way you make it so original. It’s still Harry Potter, it’s still the characters we know and love, and the story that’s so familiar to us, but you add things that just – I don’t even know. Take Alphard, for instance. We know an Alphard exists somewhere along the Black family line, and that he must have been fond of Sirius, but beyond that we know practically nothing. And you take this name of a character and create the brilliance that is Alphard here. He isn’t unbelievable or implausible; he fits perfectly well into the established canon. I don’t think I will ever think of Alphard the same way again; he will always be this Alphard.

The switch to Sirius was very interesting. Again, you went in a direction that I haven’t seen before, with Sirius getting ready for Healer training. I would never place him there, but why not, really? And it makes sense, because of course Sirius would want to help Remus. Plus, the idea that Sirius wasn’t accepted to the Auror program because of his family is something I’m very attracted to. I love the reverse prejudice of it. Normally it’s the families like the Blacks refusing to associate with “lesser” people, but here we have the “good” guys refusing to accept a “bad” name. Clearly they didn’t pay much attention to Sirius himself, only his name, which is both sad and wonderful (for the storytelling, you know). It’s a nice insight into the way the world worked, especially in that time of impending war.

That said, as much as I love the inclusion of Sirius’s life, I’m not really sure how it relates to the rest of the story. I like the brief juxtaposition of James’s seemingly perfect relationship with Lily with Regulus’s heartache over Rachel, and I’m glad for the glimpse of Sirius in general, but how does this all fit? Is it important that Sirius is going into Healer training? It’s just that the main focus of the story is Regulus, and his difficulty in accepting the life he’s supposed to live (without Rachel, and amongst people he doesn’t even particularly like). Obviously Sirius is a part of Regulus’s life, and an important one, but I don’t know. It just felt a little random to suddenly be reading about old women giving Sirius food, you know? I like the way you showed how the Black name has affected both brothers, but overall the jump to Sirius felt a bit disjointed.

I love the last part of this, with Regulus packing for school. The ritual of it is great. It’s one of those things that not many authors would think about, but of course you do. Most authors would probably just be like, “Oh, yes, he’s packing for school and he finds an old note,” which would be all right but kind of boring. But of course Regulus has this routine that he goes through each year, and then it’s interrupted by his finding this old note between him and Rachel. It’s a nice little metaphor for the way Rachel sort of interrupted the set path that Regulus was (and is now) on.

All in all, a good chapter. I’m still eager for more of Regulus and Rachel’s story. I’m also curious to see how Sirius plays into it, if at all. Keep it up, dearest twin.

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 08/14/09 9:09 · For: Chapter 2: Something's Caught in the Bushes, Someone Left us a Note
I really like this chapter. It's really great. The whole story is really great. It's a lot of fun to read. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 07/10/09 17:19 · For: Chapter 1: All I See Are Dark Grey Clouds
Okay, so, you know how excited I was for this fic to start going up, and now that it’s here I’m sort of dying over it.

The way you begin the fic is very interesting, I think. In essence it’s a brief description of Orion, Walburga, and Sirius, but it’s also almost a short family history. Jumping in from the prologue, it’s nice to start this way, because we just left off with Regulus breaking up with Rachel because of his pureblood family.

The invention of Silver Lake is genius, basically. Wizarding Hamptons ftw. Of course it’s something that would exist, especially knowing how elitist the pureblood families can be. Of course they would have their own special gathering place. The transition from the talk about the Blacks to the introduction of the setting is great, by the way. Just wanted to stick that in here.

As is tradition among old families like theirs, the dance floor is enchanted to keep people effortlessly in step with the current dance. I adore that. It’s so wonderfully magical, but it’s also so normal for Regulus, and that’s what makes it a great addition to the narration. Sometimes it’s easy to forget we’re reading about wizards here, because we get so caught up in the characters and whatnot, but quick sentences like this make the fic even better. I also love the implication of the dance floor being enchanted; these pureblood families are so concerned with appearances that they don’t even want people to dance poorly. It’s pretty funny, but at the same time, it’s a great insight into the lives of the people we’re dealing with.

Oh, it’s Reeve Greengrass! Well, look at that. That is a brilliant character to have in this. I’m kind of disappointed in myself for not realizing she’s the one you wouldn’t tell me about, but anyway. Again, we get a reminder of The Watch Unwinds Until it Stops, and that’s great, because Regulus is clearly still dwelling on the events of the past year (Alphard even noticed it). And of course I enjoy any mention of Sirius, even if it is sad because Reeve is going to marry somebody else. I think it’s also nice that you have both Reeve and Regulus wanting to forget Sirius; it’s been a while now since Sirius has left his parents’ house, but I imagine Regulus would still have that weighing on his mind sometimes. Here, Alphard sort of acts as a brother stand-in, but of course he can never be the same.

So, Nancy. When you first showed her to me, I was definitely not a fan because I thought maybe she was going to keep Regulus away from Rachel, you know? But by the end of this chapter, I did feel genuinely bad for her. The scene between them reminds me a bit of the scene when Regulus breaks up with Rachel (another reason I’m glad you decided to give us that as the prologue). Regulus is so harsh in both instances; there’s no pretense, it’s just a firm ‘no’ from him and then he states his feelings (or lack thereof) flat out. I mean, he walks out without even looking at her. It’s really not very nice, and if I didn’t heart Regulus so much, I would probably say he’s kind of a jerk. I do still feel bad for him, because he’s been through some not so great stuff, but the way he dismisses Nancy is really quite sad. Especially after she admits that she thinks she loves him. Poor girl.

He was playing for distraction; she was playing for keeps. I love the idea that Regulus is just playing a game, and that he and Nancy are playing different ones. It goes right along with the idea that Regulus is putting on this different persona when he’s at Silver Lake, that he’s trying out something else for a while. It makes me wonder even more about pureblood society – how many of them are just testing the waters with their fake personas? How many of them are putting on a little show, for others and for themselves? If Regulus weren’t the person that he actually is, this person he is at Silver Lake could be him all the time. I think that’s where your characterization of Regulus is so awesome. You show exactly who he is, even though for most of this chapter he’s not entirely being himself.

I have to discuss Alphard, obviously. You already know that I love this character. He’s such a genius invention, seriously. There’s sort of a sense of scandal surrounding his existence, you know? He’s so much younger than Walburga, and he’s rich and important and probably has more power than is healthy or necessarily appropriate. And, even though he is only a bit older than Regulus, he still kind of acts like an uncle instead of a brother. He’s still a little removed. I just love it, really. (As an aside, I must insist you write more fics with him. Like especially some with him and Sirius. Plzkthnx.)

Oh, the prompt ‘bones.’ I love how you incorporated it into this. It’s subtle, but it’s still important. The reference to The Killers song does not go unnoticed, obviously. -wink- It’s perfect, though, and I think the idea of bones is super intriguing for this chapter. I might be getting into some totally out-there analysis, but I see bones as the very core of a person, yeah? And this whole chapter is Regulus almost not being who he is at his core, and the juxtaposition of those two ideas is just wonderful. You have the other mention of bones earlier, too: Numbness has sunk into his bones, and he doesn’t feel much anymore. Again, it’s the idea that Regulus simply isn’t Regulus anymore. I love it.

I think this review is rather long enough now, so I’ll just conclude by saying that I loved this first official chapter, and I cannot wait for more.

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 07/10/09 10:26 · For: Chapter 1: All I See Are Dark Grey Clouds
I like this chapter. I think it's cool how he can tell what poeple are meaning in their voice. I can't describe it but it's cool. I also like Alphard. I really like this chapter and I can't wait to read the next one.

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 07/09/09 15:48 · For: Prologue: Mess It All Up
While this fic could probably have done just fine without a prologue, I’m really glad you decided to give us this little missing moment from The Watch Unwinds Until It Stops. For one thing, it’s just nice to be reminded where we left off, and to know, not only where we are, but where Regulus is as we move into the first chapter of this story.

I like that Regulus holds onto the letters for a few days; it’s a tangible reminder that he has to (or he believes he has to) break up with Rachel. I think that’s very Regulus, to dwell on it. He isn’t the type to make decisions rashly (as opposed to Sirius, who tends to do exactly that), and he gives it a lot of thought before he comes to the conclusion to end things. He chose to end things quickly. It would be better than having her life on his conscience. I think it’s interesting that the consequence of staying with Rachel is so grave, that Bellatrix would actually kill, or at least terribly hurt, Rachel. Bellatrix’s potential actions, and Regulus’s knowledge of them, really show how important blood status is to people like the Blacks. It’s a nice, if horrible, insight into that pureblood mania.

…Regulus put his hands in his pockets instead of taking Rachel’s hand in his. I love this little detail. This is something you’re always so good at, giving us these small things that make the story so real. Most authors probably wouldn’t mention it, but by letting us know Regulus makes a conscious decision not to hold Rachel’s hand we understand what’s coming in a way that Rachel can’t.

Another thing you’ve always done wonderfully is letting simple sentences say so much. Like here: It was perfect. Regulus could not enjoy it. I adore that bit, because even though it’s two very short sentences, the idea is so poignant. It has a very ominous feel to it, of course, and again it’s quite sad because we know what’s eventually going to happen. And then that feeling carries on as Regulus and Rachel continue their walk, with Regulus not paying attention to their conversation because he has so much on his mind.

The mention of the letter again is great because we’re given that tangible reminder again, and the fact that Regulus clutches it as he tells Rachel the news is likewise a great image. I particularly like it because it goes back to the fact that he has his hands in his pockets rather than holding Rachel’s, and the lack of physical contact is perfect. I can totally picture Regulus being that way; it’s almost like that’s how he would be if he were more like his Black cousins – distant and standoffish. Somehow I can’t see Bellatrix getting all PDA-tastic with her husband, and I’m sort of getting the same coldness from Regulus here, even though he doesn’t want to be that way. It really is excellent.

That distance is further evident in just the way Regulus breaks up with Rachel. It’s very quick and almost harsh. The way he just shrugs in response to her – oh, I love it. He’s being so terrible, but it’s exactly how he would do it in this situation. And then finally – If he had been thinking properly, none of this would’ve ever happened in the first place. Your characterization of Regulus is, as always, perfect. He blames himself, something that I think is totally easy to believe considering what he ends up doing with his life; it’s easy to see him blaming himself for Voldemort gaining power, as irrational as that is, and thus deciding to destroy the Horcrux. It’s even easy to see him blaming himself for Sirius’s leaving. So it makes sense that he would blame himself for his family’s stupidity about non-purebloods.

Of course, I’m dying to read more of this. I’m especially interested to see how Rachel plays into the latter chapters, and how Regulus deals with having to break up with her.

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 07/05/09 22:14 · For: Prologue: Mess It All Up
I feel bad for Rachel. She doesn't deserve that. I also feel bad for Regulus. He has to choose between his family and his girlfriend. I don't know where all of this pity is comming from, but I feel it. I really want to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Yes, Regulus was in such a difficult position with that. Does he continue to just date her, even though he's fully aware it's dangerous since his family doesn't approve, or does he do the 'noble' thing? And the next chapter is up, so you DO get to start seeing what happens next. Thanks for the review!

Name: herm_own_ninny13 (Signed) · Date: 07/05/09 7:15 · For: Prologue: Mess It All Up
Oh.... [i]oh.[/i]
Well, as much as i liked Regulus/Rachel, i love drama a little bit more. hehe.
Good start to the next bit. I loved TWUUIS. Good work!
Also: First review woohoo!

Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you loves TWUUIS! That's always lovely to hear. Next bit is up. Hope you still love drama... -wink-

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