MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
08/15/10 7:09 · For:
I enjoyed this fic, it was a hopeful way to look at the mess left in the wizarding world at the end of DH. I liked how Draco had changed, but not too much and that Pansy was still just the same.
Just a few times you seemed to repeat people's thoughts or ideas and it interrupted the flow a little.
The idea of Hagrid becoming Head of Gryffindor was sweet, althought I thought a little unrealistic, but it worked in your story.
I also thought it was a bit strange that Astoria didn't know why everyone avoided Malfoy... when all the other students understood this. Especially with Daphne being in Malfoy's year...
Overall though I really enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! This fic was a contest entry that we wrote together. It was my first time writing with another person, so that probably accounts for any glitchiness. Cheshlin is an awesome person to write with!
I have actually been a head of house in a school that was not a boarding school. I know Hagrid is nothing like Minerva, but with her there to coach him along I am not sure he couldn't do it.
Good point about Astoria.
I am so glad you enjoyed it! I hope you will check out other fics Cheshlin and I have written individually!
(Signed) · Date:
12/29/09 0:07 · For:
I liked it.
(Signed) · Date:
12/07/09 7:56 · For:
this was a good one but i would like more u could turn it into a chaptered fic that would be good
(Signed) · Date:
12/01/09 3:58 · For:
very nice story, has the potential to be great it you kept writing! thanks for sharing your story with us!
(Signed) · Date:
11/27/09 6:38 · For:
Astoria is a gem! I think the professors should actually thank her!! ^.^
I think maybe little Snake might have to done some more talking to get Hermione to accept to dance with him. Maybe just add, "please"?
No matter how pro-healing Herms is, I'm pretty sure she'd have shown a bit more reticence. Just a thought. I'd envision Draco adding something like "You can slap me like in third if I step on your feet..." That would at least got a laugh out of her! One hopes...
Anyhow, I loved the fic. The bits about the castle healing itself. Hagrid being insecure about himself and actully making it to head of house. Snape's portrait being silent and sulky... I liked the details you included and the way you went throught the thoughts and feelings of Slughorn and Hagrid!
Kuddos for a great fic guys! ^_^
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! I'm rather fond of the idea of the castle healing itself, too - I just figured it had to be able to to have survived "A thousand years or more." The details are among the most fun parts to write, I think...
Thanks again for reading, and *coughs delicately* if you like this, we both do have other fics!
(Signed) · Date:
08/17/09 14:26 · For:
Very good story! I'm glad to see that you imgaine unity rather than emnity between the houses after the Battle of Hogwarts.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for this review! We wrote the story in response to a challenge, and were supposed to show the Wizarding World rebuilding after one of the wars. To rebuild, rather than tear down, we both felt would have to be more positive. I am very glad you liked the story, and I hope you'll check out others we have each written.
(Signed) · Date:
07/11/09 20:29 · For:
Congrats on winning the challenge! I don't know what the prompt was, but this was a nice idea, to show how so many different characters reacted to the reopening of Hogwarts. You set it up well and got our 7th years to return in a very believable way. It was great to see Hagrid and Slughorn as HOH, Hermione as Head Girl, Neville as Head Boy, Draco and so many others - even a great line from Snape! I particularly liked how you introduced Astoria Greengrass. I'm curious why, in your opinion, Harry and Ron didn't return?
Name: A H
The idea of sewing up tensions between the houses with the Slug Club and common room receptions was neat, too. And the way the castle repaired itself - of course it would! Brilliant!
There were some places where the narrative became somewhat confusing and could use some more breaks to make it clearer. At the beginning it was about Hagrid and all of a sudden without any break it switched to Slughorn. I had to reread it a few times to figure it out. It happened a few other times where the POV jumped around as well. The story worked fine with multiple viewpoints but only needed more breaks - a line or asterisks - to separate those shifts better for the reader.
I also thought the dialogue was a bit stiff at times - the big thing that jumped out at me was the lack on contractions. Hagrid was great, but I would suggest loosening up the rest of the dialogue and not being afraid to use contractions - these kids weren't so formal, after all! :)
Again - congratulations! ~Gina :)
(Signed) · Date:
07/09/09 0:18 · For:
Here with the promised review. :)
Maybe it's because I've had a sad song on repeat for the last hour, but I've been sniffling since the moment I began reading. I've read a good handful of stories that take place directly after the war—stories that show the trio as they go back to school, stories that show Hogwarts being rebuilt (and you'll get a mouthful on the brilliance and originality shown here, later ;)) – I've read a lot of post-Hogwarts. This story, so far, even though there aren't any pointedly-make-you-cry passages or narrations, is just heart-wrenching, and very, very original.
I just love you two's take on the prompt; I've only read one other entry so far and while they are both equal in originality I think this story shows a very accurate account of what might have happened after the war. Concentrating on the rebuilding of trust between the Houses is something I have never seen and, as shown by the story, something that shouldn't be overlooked in fanfictions.
(I haven't had this hard'a time writing a review in a long time—there are simply too many things to get to.)
The characterization—all across the board—was fantastic. From McGonagall to Draco, and even Slughorn and the short (and so terribly bitter-sweet) line from Severus, I can't find one instance within this story to point to and say "this is off". I am guilty of laying things on too thick when I attempt a post-war story (and more importantly do I read fictions in which things are laid on thick); a character's eyes glaze over as the memories of the past haunt them… Draco falls to fits of either tears or rage… Hermione is "changed" and not even a smidge of her IC characterization is seen…. Nothing even remotely close to these clichés were present, and even more remarkable was that I didn't feel that the emotions were downplayed either.
If I had to pick one character I loved most it would be Hermione, without a doubt. This line…
“Clap, you fools, they clapped for us.”
literally brought tears to my eyes. I don't know why—it's not a sad line and it's not in a sad or emotional passage. Coupled with the fact that it is just so Hermione, it was just… bah! You two are making my reviewing capability very, very hard. But settling for "This is a fanfreakingtastic story" never really makes an author feel accomplished so, I carry on….
At first, admittedly, I was expecting this to be a happy-go-lucky story about how the troubles of war were overcome and everyone ended up hugging each other crying and singing together like good ole' friends. And while that would'a been a nice story (xD) I just love how the prejudices were incorporated and not overlooked. Pansy's rant in the common room and Seamus' words to Hermione (among other narrations and lines) were very nicely done, and kept the sense of reality prevalent. I suppose a good way to put it would be that there was a fine balance between hope and prejudice; between the past times, the present struggles, and the future that everyone was working toward. The plot and the characterization seem to work seamlessly here.
Before I forget: The way the castle rebuilt itself. O.O (That face says "OhmyGodricGryffindorgivemewhateveryoudrankthedayyouthoughtofthat.) I'm not sure what can be said other than that was absolutely the most enjoyable piece of magic I've ever read in a fanfiction; several authors have written their own ideas about how Hogwarts was rebuilt and several have done that very well, but the castle itself having magic to rebuild itself? Brilliant. Just absolutely brilliant.
Overall, I'm still just awed by this story (as you might be able to tell by this ramble that puts shame to the word 'review'). I'm also kind of annoyed because I cried while my family was watching. :p
This, without a doubt, deserved it's first place.
Author's Response: WOW! Well, Thank you for this review! It is very detailed and thought out and having done a bunch of reviews the past few days I am freshly reminded of how much easier that is when the story has obvious flaws and things one doesn't like.
For a North American I have a reasonably thorough understanding of European medieval architecture, and I have figured for a while that the castle MUST be able to rebuild itself. Salazar Slytherin did not hide the chamber of secrets under a nineteenth century bathroom "A thousand years or more ago." While I am willing to grant that wizards may have kept a better handle on Roman engineering and had some sort of running water and sewage systems - vitrified porcelain? Taps that turned? I am just not buying it. Being well acquainted with plumbing that is only 50 years old, I am dead certain the taps, if by some miracle they existed, did not go a thousand years without repair of some kind. Yet, there is a tap marked with a snake and a functioning entrance to the Chamber's outer halls. This has got to mean that the castle has been repaired or updated, but not changed so much that the entrance was lost. Would wizards who didn't even know the chamber was there have been able to do this? Even if knowledge of the chamber were passed down in Slytherin - which it does not seem happened - would it go one thousand years unbroken, and every time the bathroom needed repair, provide a properly trained Slytherin wizard to do it? I don't see it.
Also, any castle that lasted through certain parts of the Middle Ages would have had a chapel. We don't see one. A one thousand year old castle would not have had the types of towers this one has, or be entirely integrated - they started out as towers inside of walls. Etc. So I have thought for a while that the only way the castle could deal with its evolving roll in Wizard society would be if it were able to change on its own to meet the needs of the Wizards within. The Room of Requirement does this, in a way. So, there had to be a way to make it happen.
Thanks for thinking this is cool! Hogwarts is a pile of magic that gets bigger with every year, and if Dumbledore did not know all its secrets, none of us can - so lots of things are possible, in my mind!
I did try to stay very much in character. These people were traumatized, true, but the ones we see this term are the ones who were able to make themselves come back. It is quite possible there are witches and wizards all over Britain whose eyes really are glazing over, and who really are going from vacancy to hysteria - but they are not back. I can't imagine Hagrid being anywhere else - you notice Slughorn has to talk to himself about it, but all Hagrid is doing is worrying he's to be sent away.
When people are bumped or disturbed in a life of privilege, they will either rise to the occasion or become bitter, it seems to me. Pansy never struck me as being much of a human being - forgive me, Miss Parkinson, but if you have hidden depths they are just not seen in canon - so I had no trouble making her rant. Draco is, I think, more of a survivor. He is able to take a practical view. And the Aaswells are not terribly political people. The brother has strong ambitions, but they are ones anyone would admire, and he is close to his sister. I am betting at least one parent was Hufflepuff.
Thank you so much for taking the time to be so detailed in your review, and I am so happy that you liked it!
(Signed) · Date:
07/01/09 12:17 · For:
Hi guys! I loved the plot premise of this story—the self-reconstruction the castle conducted on itself was very interesting and creative. You really took the familiarity of canon and showed how unfamiliar it all becomes in the aftermath of war. That was a really intriguing situation to set up and it drove the story forward throughout the plot.
I also loved your characterizations of certain characters. Hagrid was perfectly depicted. You got his speech mannerisms down, and you also highlighted certain character traits of this wonderful half-giant (the bits where he is suspicious of Slughorn and regretful of his chilly relationship with Snape particularly struck a chord with me). I also loved the Draco/Pansy dynamic—the bit where Draco threatens to call in the loans is particularly vicious and exactly how I would see a romance between two Slytherins turning out. I enjoyed the appearance of Astoria, and it still amazes me that you managed to make Draco and Hermione’s dance flow with the rest of the plot and appear realistic.
But at the same time, a certain characterization didn’t gel with me: Slughorn. He seems altogether too noble-minded in this story. The Slughorn I remember, yes, fought against the Death Eaters, but also was inherently selfishly-motivated. He, I don’t think, would have cared about rebuilding Slytherin House unless it would do something for his own reputation. *shrug* That may just be a difference in interpretation between myself and you two as the authors, but it’s what I felt as I was reading.
All in all, the variety of characters whom you depicted in the story and the plot that you created—with all the familiar locations and characters of canon, but all the new changes from the war—make this story a captivating read. Great job, and good luck in the competition!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Kumy. I love writing Hagrid. He is as close to a unicorn as any human being gets, and he reminds me of my grandma! Cheshlin really guided me through this - I've never done any writing with another person before, and had no idea whatsoever how to go about it. She had a lot of the basic ideas as well as the writing of her parts, and I have to say that I am very very pleased that there are a few lines I'm not sure about - I can't recall if they are mine or hers.
I am pretty happy about the castle rebuilding itself - it has had to, I think, to keep up with things over the years. I think it has some sort of artificial intelligence...and some of those little buildings might show up elsewhere in my work....
Thanks again for the wonderful review!
(Signed) · Date:
06/29/09 19:48 · For:
This was a great 1st chapter! I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: hm...I think we thought we had finished this, so I don't know that there will be more of this one, although we both do have other stories up that you might like... *coughs and tries to look innocent*