I thought that this was a great story, but I think that I liked Molly's half better because it seemed to explain a lot and make you wonder why Molly would give Harry such a prized possession for his 17th birthday.
Author's Response: Thanks!
I really liked it, a nice way of showing that no matter what they do, people are people. Your characterisation of Molly was really good - her confusion between joy and sadness but eventually her overwhelming desire to protect her children.
I liked the last line about "The meek shall inherit the Earth", although I would have enjoyed you exploring that a bit more. But great story!
`hey I was wondering if I could make a banner for this story for the Beta Boards November challenge over in Deans Corner? I wanted to ask, so... yeah, if I am not allowed to, just give me a holler :D
Author's Response: Hey Andi, ooooh awesome, yeah, just go ahead :D have fun, I'm looking forward to seeing what you draw!
uh, I loved it! It was really really good (:
I really love this stoey. You guys did an amazing job on this. I really like the Avery part in this. This was so much fun to read.
I think it’s interesting you chose Molly and Avery for this fic. I really liked how you made Molly bitter about the end of the war. We can see how protective she is of Harry, and this really helps give those emotions a bit of background. Obviously, she has a lot of children and loves them all, but she loves Harry, too, and there’s a good chance some of that affection comes from pitying him for not growing up with parents. This fic also adds the extra element that Molly understands how Harry feels because she lost her brothers in the war, too.
I really liked this line: Avery threw his arms over his head as a firework exploded above his hideout, sending mounds of dust cascading down from the ceiling. Voldemort had been his world and now his world had gone, each firework puncturing another hole into its coffin. It shows how paranoid and afraid Avery is of being caught; it’s really the perfect description of a man with no hope to escaping. I also loved the last line of the fic. It seems to perfectly summarize what a broken world the post-War one is.
Now don't go thinking you can make me feel bad for the losses of the Death Eaters. xD Well, I suppose there's an exception for Draco, but never mind that.
I love how you've shown two sides of the story here; Molly and her brothers and a Death Eater and his comrades. While the loss of a blood brother is painful, the loss of a brother in arms is also just as painful, and, though we're seeing the side of an enemy to good, I think you've shown that well. I also love how you've linked these two stories by surroundings and by similar situations, further linking the lives of people fighting for different sides.
The scene at the burrow was just lovely. I haven't often imagined the Weasley household in a time where all the characters we know are in diapers or just out of them, and I think you two have—even in this dark time—brought a very interesting light upon the time. The characterization of Molly was absolutely enjoyable, as was seeing Fred and George as toddlers. The two of them stick fighting in the name of their passed Uncles is… very… sad and adorable.
I think you're take on the prompt was slightly less… hmm… involved than the other entries I've read. There isn't as much length nor story here, but in absolutely no way is this story less touching. Even though you chose the war that we are not familiar with, you've shown how loss touched those who fought in the first war against Voldemort. I think that the message of "Dead and Gone" not only applies to the story—how the losses were overlooked because of the triumph—but to the time period that's overlooked because of the greater losses that occurred in later times.
Lovely story here: short, bitter-sweet and to the point, and absolutely enlightening.
Author's Response: Mdmes Padfoot and Prongs (ahem *claim) would like to thank Ari for her amazing review. We both had a lot to do during the time of the challenge; I don't know if maybe it would have been longer had we both had more time. I'm very glad you enjoyed our story, and again thank you so much for this review we love long reviews :D *hugs*
Hello, you two! I can definitely say that I’m impressed with this piece. Your characters, both Avery and Molly, come off the page and become alive for me. You’ve got their emotions and their mental state post-war nailed perfectly. Molly’s treatment of baby Ginny and Avery’s last thought at the end (“the meek shall inherit…”) were particularly poignant. Surprisingly I didn’t feel too much disgust over Avery; I loved that you two were able to take a character that is viewed as evil and make him so human that it’s impossible to hate him…only to pity him.
It was a really interesting plot because you covered both the winning and the losing sides. Something I was thinking about while I read was that the victors weren’t completely jubilant and the losers weren’t completely defeated—I mean, Molly’s grieving over her brothers and Avery manages to survive through his Imperius ruse. That tells me the war isn’t completely black and white—that it’s messy and the edges don’t quite fit together neatly. Maybe you could use this theme to tie the story together—that leads perfectly into my next point.
While the stories are completely riveting individually, I feel like this one-shot could be two separate short stories. There is nothing tying the two tales together, except for perhaps a striking contrast between the way Avery deals with post-war (by hiding) and Molly deals with post-war (by standing strong). Avery ends with “The meek will inherit the earth” and Molly ends with “I will be as strong as I must in order to protect you [my children].”
In order to make this story seem complete, I think you need an overall theme to tie the story together…or if not that, at least in some way, you could elucidate the contrast and why it’s so significant to the post-war period, maybe through the eyes of a third character.
Right now, it’s a really good piece—it’s a story about two people that makes me smile and makes my heart break all at once. Your grasp of the characters and their unique circumstances makes this story stand out from many post-war stories. But if you fit the puzzle pieces together somehow, you’ll have a story that is one of the best post-war stories on MNFF, and I think you two, brilliant writers that you are, will really be able to do that without too much extra effort.
Good luck in the competition!
Author's Response: Ah, I didn't get back to replying to your review for too long... Anyway, here goes thank you very much from both of us for this fabulous review. We appreciate your criticism a lot, and we're considering now that the challenge is over to rewrite/add a bit to the story to make it a bit longer and to present a clearer connection between the characters. We're both very proud that you think our story has so much potential, and we definitely want to make this fic as good as we can. Again, thank you for your criticism there, this has helped us in sparking new ideas already. Congratulations to the Second Place with your story!
The Molly part is so touching, and explains quite a bit why she fights Bellatrix so hard in the last battle. But that very last line is very powerful. I know the Beatitude, but the enterpritation of it is just spectacular. Its hard to say I love this story because its so emotion-filled, but its true. Brilliantly done.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your nice words :) We're really glad that you enjoyed our little oneshot, and (to be honest) we are a bit proud of it, too. It's good to know that you liked it and that it maybe triggered some thoughts and emotions, because that is what a writer is usually aiming for, isn't it? Thanks for your review!