i love your work. its very interesting to read esp since it stays on board with j.k. rowling's story line. write more soon!! =]
Author's Response: Aww, thank you. This story's filling the "troubled tyrant" void. :-)
There’s something very intriguing about this story so far. It’s interesting to see other people who have been damaged by the war, not related to those in the Order. Harper seems like a very interesting character, with her outcast personality and the trouble things she had seen. I really like the idea of this story, especially when I’ve never read a story with Blaise Zabini featured. The fact that you have him as a person who is trying to heal the wounds of the past is definitely different from anything I’ve seen before.
Just wanted to quote a line I really liked:
Time was a great healer, but not a perfect one.
I loved this line as it reflects largely on the theme of this story. Many things have already happened to theses characters, things that can never be changed, but time must go on, even if it does or does not heal wounds.
You’ve done a really nice job on characterization here. I liked your Hermione, where she knew everything that was happening, and your Ginny where she is the more understanding one. I especially liked how she helped Harper, comforting her, as it was in comparison to her helping the young girl in DH. I like how Harry understands, somewhat, how Harper feels and her reluctance to speak. As for Ron, there was something that seemed a bit off for me. You almost make him a bit too dumb. He made have not understood several things during the books, but the lines such as ‘Well, what is she then?’ Ron all but exploded. ‘A Banshee? Someone we used to know who’s had a sex change?’ and ‘A sandwich?’ are things I doubt he would say. Perhaps the first set of quotes, but it would be more in frustration rather than trying to make a funny line. I don’t know, there was just something off there.
On Harper, I think you have great potential for this original character. I actually quite like her already, feeling that she has a great back story. However, I should warn you to not tread in Mary-Sue territory. I’m not comparing her to that, but with her having a tragic past with powers beyond imagination, there is potential to go in that direction as well. For now, though, she is fine. Also, how is it that her two brothers and she were magical, while both parents were Muggles? It’s rare enough to be Muggle-born but to have three children all magical while the parents are not is, I’m sure, very, very rare. Other than that, you have a great start.
For the plot, I’ve already said, but it is a very interesting story. I’m curious as to what Blaise owes Harry for, and how it is that he chose that career path, to help those suffering from the war’s memories. I’m also curious about how the relationship between Harper and Blaise will form, especially given the circumstances mentioned. One problem I did have was the sudden switch in POVs about two-thirds through the story. The transition at the first part was nice, but later on, it makes a very abrupt change at: Harry stared at the young witch. She was pretty and she looked like a decent and clever sort. Her eyes had a hardness in them, but she did not look cruel. He watched her retrieve her wand and then begin to write with it. He was reminded of Tom Riddle, but the similarity ended there. That small paragraph has a complete change in POVs, to Harry’s and then goes back to Harper’s. If you plan on writing a story with POV changes, either have sections dedicated to one POV or something bigger, rather than just a paragraph.
Overall, I quite liked this story and I’m very interesting in seeing where it goes. There is great potential for this, and just watch out for the things I pointed out. Other than that, you’ve done a great job so far.
Author's Response: Thanks for such an indepth review. I do agree on the Mary-Sue problem and it's already being seen to. Thanks again for reading.
That was awesome! You are REALLY talented!
Author's Response: Thank you, m'dear. Do please keep reading and reviewing :-)
great job, this looks like it's going to be a great story i can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! :-)
Great story! I can't wait to find out what happens next XD *waiting on chapter two*
Author's Response: Thanks for some much needed encouragement. Chapter two soon, hopefully. :-)