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Reviews For A Mad World

Name: fairylights1006 (Signed) · Date: 07/02/09 10:24 · For: Chapter 1
I had goosebumps the whole time I was reading this. Great job. It is very realistic and touching. Too bad Sirius suspected the wrong friend....

Name: harry4lif (Signed) · Date: 06/28/09 8:35 · For: Chapter 1
First might I start off that this story is rather interesting, unlike anything that I’ve read of late. It shows us a different side of James and Sirius, a side that would have never appeared at Hogwarts. Maybe our favorite Marauders really can be mature, or maybe they always were, but the war really made that part shine in them. Either way this is an interesting one shot, showing something that I have no doubt would have actually happened.

Throughout your story you progress nicely, with a very nice concept and plot to this one shot. This story answers a question that so many authors have a question about, and want to portray but never do portray: how did they act? J.K. Rowling never really told us much outside of what was in the books. There is some information in her interviews, and the prologue that she released, but never enough for us to more than grasp the characters she created.

While this story is mostly a conversation between Sirius and James, I think it’s a good setup for what Sirius believed. We all know that Sirius thought Remus was the traitor, since Peter was deemed unable to be one, and Dumbledore said there was a traitor in their mist. Sirius and James were like brothers, of course Sirius would tell James. It only makes sense that one would tell someone they are close to this, especially if that someone was in grave danger.

But then it occurs to him that maybe Sirius isn’t asking because he doesn’t know the answer but because he hopes he doesn’t; maybe, despite his protests to the contrary, Sirius just wants a reason to believe this is all just another school game after all; maybe he wants James to tell him there’s nothing to be scared of.

Perhaps you could make this a couple of sentences instead of one long one. It’s a very powerful sentence, but it’s a bit long and has the potential to be even better than it already is. Having it split up will help us, the readers, to understand easier that these thoughts are important to the story, that they have a lot of meaning for it.

Overall, I really like this story. It is perfectly canon, and it is a good example of our dear Marauders at best. James and Sirius are characterized very well. I especially love Sirius, saying how his death wouldn’t affect as many, he is so very brave for his friends. Though James is very good too, he is a true friend when Sirius implies that it would be alright if he died, but not James.

Great work on this story!


Name: mzap (Anonymous) · Date: 06/26/09 21:19 · For: Chapter 1
This was such a touching piece. I don’t think I’ve read anything like it. You captured the mood quite well, with the angsty feeling of anticipation and fear that comes with war. I particularly liked the repetition of the word “mad” throughout the story, although you might want to be careful of overusing it, because then it looses its power over the reader. I really liked how you touched all the parts of Sirius and James’ relationship, especially during the war, with mentions of their teenage years and how they (or at least, Sirius) are becoming worried about the traitor. Another great thing is that you didn’t bring Remus and Peter into the story and Lily was all the way until the end, because in many circumstances people want to bring the others in and I think that distracts from the two’s friendship. A couple nitpicks:

“If not for yourself then for Lily and Harry!”
Comma between “yourself” and “then” because it is two parts of a sentence.

“Don’t ‘Padfoot’ me like we’re still at school and the most we have to lose is a couple of house points!” Sirius continues, his voice cracking.
I was a bit confused here, because James never actually said the word “Padfoot”. He mentions that any other time he would have said it, but he didn’t here, unless I missed that part.

But then it occurs to him that maybe Sirius isn’t asking because he doesn’t know the answer but because he hopes he doesn’t; maybe, despite his protests to the contrary, Sirius just wants a reason to believe this is all just another school game after all; maybe he wants James to tell him there’s nothing to be scared of.
A very powerful series of lines, but I think what would have made them even more powerful would be to split them into three sentences, before the “maybe”. That way, each part is a separate thought and the sentence doesn’t start bordering on a run-on. There were a couple of other sentences that were getting to be a bit long and I think you could have split those up.

On characterization, I think you did a very good job here. I liked how James was portrayed a bit reckless still, as evidenced by Lily’s letter in DH. I think my favorite part of this, though, was Sirius. We never really see a serious side to him (excuse the unintentional pun), but I thought it was very well written. I could definitely see Sirius acting that way; frustrated that James is being reckless when he has responsibilities to care and love for his family, things that Sirius never had with his. James, coming from a loving home (this is assumed), would very much be willing to cause mishaps, not realizing how dangerous that could actually be to everyone. Another thing I liked was the mention of the looming distrust of Remus (unfortunate to happen to my favorite werewolf); James would be more likely to trust him as Sirius would be more cautious (possibly another reference to the ways the two were raised).

The concept of this story was well executed, accentuated by the emotion created with your words. As I mentioned earlier, you touched on all aspects of the war: Order missions, a traitor in the midst, James’ anxiety to do things he used to, the transition of teenagers into the “real world”. I can see how the stress would build up for the group, especially when Sirius and James are paying for Remus’ and Peter’s rent. Also, I really liked how Sirius didn’t want James to be using the nicknames, another notion that he feels James needs to grow up and pay more attention to the anxiety of the war.

Overall, I think you did a great job with this piece and I really enjoyed reading it. I think you did a good job writing in present tense and with the unique style in which this was written. Well done!

- Mercy

Name: TheManagement (Signed) · Date: 06/26/09 8:12 · For: Chapter 1
That was brilliant! I loved it!

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