MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
07/13/13 1:27 · For:
Hi, Vittoria. It's been a long time since you posted this story, but never too late for one more review. I was trolling the list of authors, reading old stories that deserve to be not wholly forgotten, and I clicked on your story because your pen name is like my real name, Victoria.
This was a fun little story, written in a very light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek style, and that is refreshingly unusual for a story about Voldemort, who is usually depicted so seriously. (It reminds me of the humor dramas about Adolf Hitler -- we lessen his power by laughing at him.)
The story is certainly imaginative, and it moves at a lively pace, never dragging or getting boring. The short, declarative sentences make the story plain and easy to read. You have put in just enough description (the cold, barren terrain, surrounding mountains, wire fences, tents) for us to be able to envision the situation without ever slowing the pace of the action. I liked the exotic location (Tibet) and the mental images of the fantastic dragons against a background of frozen tundra.
Although there were several original characters in your story, you kept the focus firmly on your "unfortunate protagonist" by keeping everything in Voldemort's point of view, showing only his thoughts and reflections. But your original characters were well characterized just by their dialogue. I was left wishing that I knew more about them and what work they were doing at the Dragon Reservation; they sounded very interesting.
By treating Lord Voldemort with humor, you have shown us a side of him that we haven't seen before, a tentative and uncertain side. It was fun to see him react to people who weren't impressed by him at all and who considered him incompetent rather than formidable. And yet you drew a contrast between the bumbling Voldy who can't handle a baby dragon, and the ruthless (and more familiar-to-us) Voldemort who casually commits a brutal murder of the guard at the gate. These two opposite aspects of his character provided some dynamic tension in your story and remind us that, after all, he is still Lord Voldemort.
Your writing is quite free of mechanical errors of spelling, punctuation, and grammar. But there is one spot where your computer has "gremlinized" you: at the point where Voldemort wakes up in the tent after having been attacked by the "dangerous breeds" dragon, there is a piece of text from an earlier point in the story ([i]It also became clear....a wall of fire behind him[/i]) that has inserted itself into the middle of the current sentence ([i]He perceived his surroundings and came to a single conclusion...[/i]). This accidental insertion causes confusion in the reading, but it would be only a moment's work to edit it out, and then the text would be entirely free of glitches.
I'll bet you had fun writing this story, and I certainly enjoyed reading it. It is like a breath of fresh air amongst the more solemn and heavy writings which we see so often in these archives. Even in the context of terrible wizarding wars, we all need to laugh sometimes, and your story has accomplished that goal in charming fashion. Nice job.
Author's Response: Hey Victoria! Thank you for taking the time to read and write a lovely review for my fic. I was amazed to have received a review after a really long time. I'm glad you like this story. :)
(Signed) · Date:
06/21/09 22:09 · For:
Author's Response: thank you! :)
(Signed) · Date:
06/14/09 8:31 · For:
Hmm... interesting story. I'm not sure protagonist is the right word... anti-hero might be more appropriate. The last line was amusing.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! The use of the word 'protagonist' was intended actually. XD