tht was really sad but very well written. i cud see i happening in y mind. maybe she and dean will get together :)
Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! Thanks for the review! ~MJ
Really very cute,love
Favorited for sure
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. ~MJ
I’ve wanted to read this fic for ages, ever since I saw your gorgeous banner. I love Lavender/Ron, so it’s lovely to find stories about them. There aren’t many. One day, maybe I’ll even write my own. Hm. But your story, now...
You set the scene in the beginning well, taking the reader through what’s going on in Lavender’s life now, beyond Ron. I don’t know whether it is canon or not that Lavender and Parvati go back to school after the war, but I like that they’re there. It shows that Lavender cares for school – in HBP she comes across as being more interested in social stuff, to me, at least.
The first few paragraphs did seem a little repetitive though. Maybe mix the way the sentences start around a bit, or have a wider variety of sentence lengths... that might help.
You characterised Lavender well. You show that she’s probably usually a lot more friendly and laid-back, by the way you have Parvati react to her grouchiness when she comes down for breakfast, but you also show how she cares for Ron, and how that leads to a bit of... narrow-mindedness, I guess. The letters tell us a lot about her; I like how she tries to be nice, but mean thoughts slip through, and then eventually she just writes exactly what she’s thinking to make herself feel better. The strikethroughs made me smile, despite the sadness they symbolise. They show how she tries to be rational, tries to suppress her true feelings as they fight to get through.
The letter was very bittersweet, mixed with her tears, her emotions. It really sucked me in, got me into Lavender’s frame of mind. I like how the letter starts with Won-won, and eventually reaches Lav-lav. I think that shows the depths of Lavender, how much she truly loves Ron. We can see she still has the memories. It was sad, but beautifully put across.
“I heard Hermione muttering about her date tonight with . . .” she sniffed. “Ron.” - I feel ‘she sniffed’ breaks the sentence up a bit, and interrupts the flow. Maybe put it to the end of the sentence, or capitalise ‘she’...
there was no way she was going to talk to the boy-who-broke-her-heart. - I think that last word would be better as five words; how it is now caught me a bit, and it made me stop.
Just because you think you’re ‘in love’ with ex-buck tooth, doesn’t mean that you do. - clarifying what you mean by ‘do’ would be good. I stumbled a bit there.
and about our years in Hogwarts - did you miss a word somewhere there? ‘talk about’ maybe? :/
“Goodbye, Ron,” she whispered into the night - I thought this was set during the day? I think the ending would be more powerful as just ‘goodbye, Ron’, though I do like the ‘whispered’ detail.
Great job, MJ. I enjoyed your take on Lavender’s character, and how her relationship with Ron was. –hugs-
Author's Response: Wow. What a nice review! Thank you so much for all of your suggestions. I've been wanting to go back and change a couple of things but I have't found the time to. Thanks so much!
I like that Lavender didnt send the letter seriously she would only have caused pain. I dont understand though why you wrote about Lavender because I kind of think shes stuck up.BUT YOU showed that it wasnt Lavenders fault like alot of people who read HBP thought god I hate that Lavender chick but see its also the guys fault he totally hurt Lavender in the end and they still act like shes the horrible on although she did break up with him.................
Well still kudos on your story it was okay not a fave though.
Author's Response: I have to admit, I'm not a fan of Lavender. Surprised that I wrote this? Let me explain a little. I originally wrote this for a drabble on the beta forums but it ended up being long enough to be a one-shot. I have no idea where I got this idea, it just came. I wanted people to see the break up in a different point of view--to make it look like Ron had caused most of the damage and not Lavender. Thanks for the kudos and for the criticism. Thanks for the review! ~MJ
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad that you like it. Thank you for the review! --MJ
It was good. The only "problem" I found (if you call it a problem) is this:
She re-thought the lines through and once she had gotten started, the words flew from her fingertips.
Usually when someone says 'words are flying through your fingertips' it implies typing. But Lavender is writing a letter with a quill.
Gosh, I can't believe Lav-Lav and Won-Won were nicknames. Makes me sick xD
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out. I didn't even catch that. I'll go back and change that. The nicknames (I suspect) make everyone sick--including me. Thank you for the review! ~MJ
Omg! I loved this. I never really thought about what Lavender would be thinking. I liked how put that little twist at the end, how she didn't mail it, but burned it. I always cried! I'm so pathetic(:. That means you're an amazing writer though!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I never really thought about it either until I was on the beta boreds one day and something sparked. I'm so glad that you liked it and I'm sorry that I made you cry. But I'm so glad that you think I'm a good writer. That's very nice of you to say so. Thank you for the review! ~MJ
Aw, MJ, congratulations on getting this finally up. :D
Lovely story, of course, but then I might have mentioned that before. :p Great job, dear. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much Afifa! I know that this wouldn't have gotten up without you! You're the best! ~MJ =)
wOw! Okay, I'll admit that I'm not much of a Lavender fan. Okay, so I totally despise the character, but the way you wrote her, actually made me feel a twinge of pity for the girl. Great job!
Author's Response: Awww...thanks Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy that this is up! I cannot tell you how long I've been trying to get this up onto MFF. Thank you for your review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! ~MJ