I just found your story recommended on the beta forums and thought I would give it a read. I thought it was great.
It was different to other characterisations of James and Lily that I've read, this sounds so natural! I also like that James tries to get Lily's attention with more subtlety than other fan fictions.
Lily's reply is also rathew witty and made me smile!
I love it! It's so simple and short, but sums up James and Lily perfectly! Thanks!
Well there, Natalie (hestiajones the reviewer below me) told me to read this, and wow, I'm glad I listened to her. This is an absolute gem. I was totally enthralled by James, and his utter confidence in himself and also the fact that he's so smitten by her.
Lily is great, not the total stick in the mud who's obsessed by rules all the time, but a girl who's really quite witty. (After all James wouldn't have liked a dour misery, would he?)
Brilliantly drawn story, a great snapshot. ~Carole~
First up, I would like to say this is my favorite James/Lily. Really. In less than a thousand words, you managed to capture Lily, James and the dynamics of their relationship so bloody well. And people write chapters and end up presenting caricatures instead. In fact, I chose your story for an assignment for my MWPP class (guess what that stands for ;)). This is what I wrote:
I absolutely loved how the author said so little about Lily herself, yet managed to capture her expertly. Lily here does not really detest the big-headed Potter. Neither is she impressed by him. In fact, she is shown as more tolerant of the boy’s constant teasing, but responds well to it. Instead of flying off the handle, she is shown as giving equally cheeky comebacks, or chuckling. All of these, of course, are informed to us by James. And when we do meet Lily, we gauge her reaction mostly through her body language, except maybe the last (and only) line she speaks.
Short, but superbly done. That was the most believable Lily I’ve ever come across. Her reaction towards James is balanced, and it convinces me she had the capacity to fall in love with him enough to marry him one day. "
My favorite part is:
"Soon, he knows, she’ll notice him. She’ll turn around slightly and perhaps tell him to be quiet and he’ll say something back and, if he’s lucky, she’ll chuckle a little. Maybe she’ll say something funny herself. That always gets him. What a bird, what a bird. Don’t meet girls like that every day."
And I want to say more, but really, it will be nothing less than silly fangirling. :D
But I do want to say one last thing - Thank you for such a believable portrayal of James and Lily.
Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely and in-depth review. I'm very flattered that you took so much time to write this and also that you chose this story for your MWPP class. Wow. Thank you.
*tries to stop giggling*
Absolutely loved it! Very funny and beautiful writing techniques! Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Thanks!
Absolutely lovely! And very entertaining. You portrayed James perfectly while keeping the viewpoint unique and interesting and also personal. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review.
I really like this story. It made me laugh.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
This is good, I have to say that. But I just feel the dialogue somewhat threw it off a bit. But that could be just me xD
Author's Response: Thanks for your review and also letting me know that the dialogue threw you off. I appreciate it and I'm sorry that it was confusing.
tehe i got the first revew i really liked it was a great story made me laugh because i have fallen like james did.really great though
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!