Reviewer: AidaLuthien
Date: 11/06/10 14:31
Chapter: The Unicorn

I really enjoyed this poem. I like the atmosphere this poem sets up and how it expounds on its theme. In particular, some of the imagery is just beautiful, especially the lines “fiery ribbon” and “sickle of light”.

I am intrigued by the line, “No memory left”. Are the people even capable of remembering the unicorn? I’m not sure; I’ll chew on it awhile longer.

I’m not sure I’m crazy about using “dawns” or “sounds” as verbs, though I think they’re both perfectly grammatically correct. I think the second to last line might make more sense as, “It’s ignorance that hinders us from seeing” instead of “to see”. Chalk it up to a style thing.

The verse about ears was a bit confusing. I couldn’t tell at first if the ears were the unicorn’s ears or the people’s ears. I’m going to go with the unicorn’s ears because that makes more sense.

Author's Response: Thank you, Aida. I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yes, the unicorn's ears are meant. I pictured the unicorn to stand in the bushes and look around while listening for possible danger - which then comes with the people. Anyway, thanks for the review. :)

Reviewer: NearlyHeadlessNickS
Date: 06/07/09 22:42
Chapter: The Unicorn

Wow! That was suuuperb. You managed to paint a picture in my mind with apparent ease, you seem to be a natural writer :) The rhythm is melodic, and a good rhythm is essential in poetry, especially haikus. I also like that you taught a lesson. There were a few of your words that I really likes, including 'sickle'. :P Keep it up! Add some more. :)

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm writing on several stories, poems unfortunately not for the time being. There's going to be a very short one in a three-shot I'm writing, but I'm having a harder time with poetry at the moment. Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Autumn At The Castle by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
The 'treat' of autumn's glorious beauty is inevitably follow by the 'trick'...
The Youngest Death Eaters: Year III by DestinyMoonStar 6th-7th Years
Year 3 A year of hard choices and tough talks: Destiny learns about...
Out of the Blue by Secret Marauder 90 1st-2nd Years
This story weaves the tale of James and Lily from the day they met right up...
FEATURED
Five Christmases by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
It took four Christmases for Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks to get together...
Coming Alive by The owl 6th-7th Years
Leanne Gamp hadn't wanted to be at that party, even though it was Christmas...
Graves by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
In December of 1997, Harry visits his parents' graves in Godric's Hollow and...
CATEGORIES