Oooooh! Can't wait to see Ron's reaction!!
Author's Response: Don't worry, it's coming soon. I don't want to spoil anything for you, so all I'll say is stay tuned. ;) Thanks for reading! -Ash
omg your great wheres the next chapter???????????
Author's Response: The next chapter is on the way. Shouldn't be much longer til it's in the queue. If you want to know the moment it's validated, feel free to favorite the story and you'll get an email every time I update. Very glad to hear you like the story. :) Thanks for reading. -Ash
I love this fanfic!! Its really good and I can't wait for more chapters to come!! :) Please continue writing!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! :) Chapter four should be in the queue by the end of next week. I promise not to give up on this fic. Thanks again for the review. -Ash
Are we ever going to get the ending? It was very good and i look forward to reading more.
Author's Response: Yes. I haven't given up on this story. Real life just keeps taking a lot of unexpected turns. Chapter two is currently in the queue awaiting validation. Thank you for reading. And again, sorry for the delay.
This is a very interesting story! I can't wait for the next chapter. I wonder what will happen! Good Job! :)
Author's Response: Thank you! Chapter two is currently in the queue. So keep an eye out for it! sorry for he delay in updating. RL got the best of me for awhile.
Can't wait for chapter 2.
Author's Response: Thank you! And as I'm sure you'll be happy to hear, chapter two is in the queue. Keep a lookout. Should be here soon!
Helloooooo, Ash! :)
I was lurk/stalking on the beta boards and stumbled upon this in Fiction Junction, so I thought I'd give it a quick look see. First off, I love Harmony, so the subject is perfect for me.
I like your premise, because it is very Harry to spend a tonnes of money on a trip to get away before starting his Auror career (I'm assuming you're keeping as close to canon as possible). I can also see Ron having Horcrux Hell Redux, thinking about Harry and Hermione cheating behind his back. Being stuck on a plane for what had to be at least 12 hours couldn't have possibly been fun or conducive to peace between the Trio.
I really only have one nitpick, and it's not anything that you wrote so much as what you didn't write. I think it would have added a lot to your fic if you made the prologue about Harry and Ginny parting ways (show their conversations and their thoughts on the matter of splitting, or at least on Harry's end of the equation) and merged the current prologue with the first chapter. It would help make Harry's current nonchalance about his non-relationship with Ginny more solid and believable. Feel free to ignore me, though, as it is oh-so-easy to do, lol.
Overall, a nice read, and I look forward to another issue popping out of the queue soon (or whenever you can get to it).
Take care and happy writing!
Author's Response: Jess, thanks so much. Sorry it took so long for me to respond. The next chapter is in the queue. I'll message you when it's validated. The bit you're talking about, with harry and Ginny talking hasn't happened because they've been avoiding each other. It will come about in a later chapter. And Ginny is none too pleased. Trust me. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Keep a lookout for chapter two!
Yay! I was so excited to see that you had finally updated! It's good to see another Harry/Hermione fic out there! Can't wait to see what's next :)
Author's Response: Bet you'll be excited again soon. Chapte two is in the queue, so I think I'll let it answer your question about what happens next. :) Happy reading!
Please please please update. Hardly anyone writes Harmony fics anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need my fix!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: I'm sorry it's been so long on the updates... I've been really busy in RL and I've actually just gotten busier since I've been promoted to manager at my store. I have the first seventeen chapters written, and chapter one is nearly finished being beta'd, so hopefully you'll see an update soon. -Ash
Finally!! I love Harry/Hermione together but i coudn't find a fan fic where it stook to the entire series except for the epiloque, which i hated BTW!!! Meaning, you didn't change the entire story of the series. It's like everything that happened in the book happened but the Epilogue is the only thing that's been changed!! I love it! Please update!! Want to read more :)
Author's Response: So sorry for the delay. Chapter two is in the queue and chapter three is in the betaing process. Hoping to get chapter three in the queue as soon as two gets validated. Thank you for reading! I hope you come back to see it through til the end. I'm not going to give up and abandon this fic.
Ahhhh, I've been waiting for a new H/Hr to come up. I actually read this when it was first submitted but I'm reviewing now cos...well I dunno why it took me so long. Anyway, I love this and can't wait to read more. Is the first chapter submitted yet? And I love that your setting it in Paris, my favourite city in the entire world! Gasp, you should take them to the Catacombs...spoooooooky! Can't wait :)
Author's Response: Thank you. Chapter two is in the queue. So hopefully you'll see an update soon!
Haha, so I don't know if you know that I definitely prefer Draco/Hermione and Ron/Hermione to Harry/Hermione... But this is really good. I'll see where the rest of the story goes, but I may have to consider H/Hr more from now on, though I still think it's impossible with regards to canon. Haha.
"Ever since the war ended she was more protective over the rest of them than ever before; it was becoming practically impossible to do anything that she didn’t want them to do."
This needs a change of wording, because they seem to only do things that she doesn't want to do. It's impossible for them to do something that she wants them to do? Hm. You decide on that part.
But besides any nitpicking that I could go back and do... (which I'm not planning on doing, by the way) I really like where this story is going, and I'll be reading more of it, whenever that's possible.
And may I say that you did a very good job with your characterisations? I'm impressed.
Good job, dear. *hugs*
Author's Response: Thank you so much Ash. Sorry it took so long to reply to your review. They mean a lot to me. All of them. RL is just an impassible force sometimes. Anyway, if you're really wondering where the story will turn next, keep an eye out for chapter two. It's currently in the queue. :) Thanks for reading!
I adore your writing. There were a few awkward sentences here and there but that's all to do with style preference and not with the actual writing.
There's only one thing I see that could possibly be a problem in the future (it hasn't really affected this prologue): The character's thoughts on the war. If the timeline is right in my head (this is directly afterward, right?) then I find it very odd an almost unbelievable that no one would think about it. You did begin with a short passage on how Harry felt but considering the losses, I think that more than just a sentence or two should be given to the war.
You say it's too depressing to start the story off with the after events of the war, but even still, post-war stories have to include the after effects. 99% of the time I say 'pft' to anyone who says "only do this" or never do that, but in this instance, I do think that it's completely necessary. The war brought deaths by the hundreds, not just the lives lost during the Final Battle; Voldemort's rein inflicted not only the families of the lost, but the families of those who went to his aid; most importantly, Harry's life, from the age of one, was lived for the mere purpose to defeat him, and Ron and Hermione were brought into that fate at eleven: These kind of things don’t just die with the end of the war.
I understand that this story is not about the end of the war, but it can't be forgotten either. This might sound overly harsh and I don't mean it to, but I think overlooking these things is very detrimental to a direct-after story, no matter what the plot or point is. For instance, you mention Molly and her over-protectiveness, but nothing to the fact that she lost a son. You mention that Harry regrets never being able to take a trip, but no regrets that have to do with the war. Ron lost a brother—he doesn't seem to be mourning at all. And Ginny—Hermione mentions that she avoids coming out of her room sometimes, but only says that it's because of Harry: She, too, lost a brother.
I don't mean to go on about it, but I just want to make sure I explain myself right. To have the characters acting as if the end of a twenty-year (give or take—I don't know canon as well as others =/) war is like another day, is, well… just off to me.
Now, on to better things. :)
I think your characterization (other than all the previously mentioned babbling) was very spot on. The Ron/Hermione dynamic was very believable and canon-compliant; I do agree with Natasha that you could show some of their arguing so that we get to see the action rather than just see it through Harry's POV.
I also really love how you've handled H/G. Harry (while talking himself out of his emotions) mentions how she's like a sister in HBP and I think that those thoughts coming to fruition is very believable. At the end of HBP when Harry's breaking up with her, I always sort of felt like that was the end, that they're relationship was meant to happen but not continue on into their later years. And it also opens the door to Harry/(Draco!)Hermione. xD
For an hour they sat in the kitchen, just talking. There was no tension in the room when it was the three of them, just talking as friends. It felt like the old times, before the final war when they could relax and just be themselves without the fate of the world resting on their shoulders.
I loved this passage. After the end of the series the most persistent image in my mind has always been how the trio went their separate ways into life, coming together for meals sometimes and at work, as they all worked at the Ministry, but seeing them together during a quiet and cozy evening at the Burrow is very… reminiscent and nice. It painted very beautiful imagery.
I promise you a better review for the first chapter. >.< I know I fixated on the war aspect a lot but only because I feel so strongly about it. Considering the characterization shown here it's amazing that this is your first fanfiction. I eagerly await the next chapter!
Author's Response: Ari, thanks so much. I have considered what you've said abou the war. And during the betaing/rewriting process I'm trying to fix it to a point. Mentions here and there. Ghosts of the past. Things of that nature. Rather Han dwelling on it for any long period of time. And don't worry, the fight between Ron and Hermione is coming. As soon as chapter two, which is currently in the queue, gets validated. Hanks again for reading and reviewing.
You told me to review, and so I am doing. :-p I thought this was a really good first chapter. It was a good start to a good plot, and definitely makes me what to read the next chapter; I really want to know where they are going! The tension between Ron and Hermione really sets up for what we know is going to happen (H/Hr, category makes it obvious lol) And I loved the bit at the end, about how Harry feels about Ginny, although this doesn’t happen in the book, it could have done, and you wrote it convincingly.
I’m sorry, but Harry’s characterisation, I wasn’t wild on. I’m not sure exactly what it was, I just didn’t find the way he spoke very Harry-like. “said quite bluntly” “you guys get to tell Mrs Weasley,” I’m just not sure these sound very much like Harry. I never imagined of him talking ‘Bluntly’ To his friends, but rather to someone like Malfoy. UI also think that maybe Harry would have told Mrs Weasley? After all she was like a mother to him…
The other characterisations were really good. I really liked Hermione, I though she was very in character and very well written. One thing she said confused me slightly “I can’t believe I haven’t started!” How could she have started? She was only told that she was going five minutes ago. I’m sorry, I’m being nit-picky, but I did warn you!
I really enjoyed this chapter, and am looking forward to the next one! Make sure to tell me when it is accepted!
If you get upset, I will eat you, you promised! Lol
Author's Response: Thank you Russia. And so you know, looking back I'm sort of cringing at that line. I suppose I. My head it was more Harry joking around. But it didn't translate to that on paper. I may go back and fix that sometime soon. But right now I'm trying to get more chapters up and reply to all my reviewers. Chapter two is currently in the queue. So if you'd like to continue reading, keep an eye out for it. It should be here soon.
Hey Ash, you made a great start to your story. I can't wait to see what happens on this trip! You really seem to have set up the characters for an interesting plot with Harry feeling alone and Ron and Hermione having problems.
You did a really great job of characterizing people in this story. Molly Weasley is the perfect protective matriarch in the line where you mentioned her. You capture her perfectly. Ron and Hermione--they really are good friends to Harry in this chapter. I particularly liked where Ron offered to pay for his portion of the trip and Harry turned him down. That is a dynamic in their relationship that is rarely covered. The chat between Harry and Hermione about Harry's feelings about Ginny--I think that's definitely something Hermione would do for Harry and it's a unique role she plays that Ron doesn't, a key difference in their friendships with Harry. I also loved the way you detailed the travel experiences of each character because I think that was a subtle way to emphasize the differences between the three characters' backgrounds: Hermione's traveled the most, Ron's traveled some, but Harry, because of his lack of a caring family, hasn't travelled at all. That was a really good plot technique.
But there was one part of the plot that didn't quite work in my mind. You depicted Harry as not feeling the same way about Ginny that he used to, as not being in love with her. You say, in the story, something along the lines of "Kissing her was like kissing my sister." I just can't buy that--the way JKR depicts this couple in canon was pretty hot and heavy. That's a pretty significant problem because it's such a large part of the plot, but it's really easy to fix, I think. If you're going to claim this, I think you need some bridging scenes the summer after HBP where Ginny changes from being a girlfriend to a sister in Harry's eyes. Otherwise, there's just not enough of a transition to make the drastic change in the relationship between Harry and Ginny believeable. I also think that if Hermione's going to tell Harry that she and Ron are fighting a lot, you should show a few fights between the two of them to make that claim more believeable.
There were also a couple of wordings that I think you could change to make the story even better than it already is. You refer to Harry/Ron/Hermione as "the trio" in your story. That's not really a term that canon uses to refer to these characters; it's more of a fanon term. I don't think you should use it. You say that Ron and Hermione "combine forces," but "joining forces" is the term that I think you meant--that's the one that you commonly see in stories, anyway. You call Harry "persistent" when he refuses to tell Ron and Hermione their destination, but I think a better word would be 'adamant.' Persistent brings to mind that someone is trying to do something and failing, but continuing to try...and Harry isn't really failing.
I really think you've done some amazing things to set up this story. I think I can see where you're going with it (I don't want to give anything away in the review, but the tensions you've built up in certain places make for some great foreshadowing). There are a few things that you can improve to make the story better--no author is perfect, after all--but I really think you have a winner here. Keep working hard and writing; I can't wait to catch up with this story when I get back from vacation!
Author's Response: Natasha, thank you for the amazingly thoughtful review. If you ever make it back to mnff I'd love to hear your opinions on chapter one and two. I'm considering rewriting or adding to the prologue. This being my first attempt at fanfic and it being nearly three gets since this project began, I think I've grown as an author and it makes me cringe a little reading it now. Hope to talk to you soon. -ash
I still think you're delusional... buuuut... I like it. There. Lauren said she likes a H/Hr. I'll even let you borrow my confetti spewing flowers. :P
Anyway, I nitpicked! Well... half nitpicked.
"They stopped talking as they saw him coming within in earshot of their conversation[...]" You put "within in."
"“Sounds great,” Ron said glad of the opportunity to spend some time[...]" I would stick a comma between said and glad.
So yeah. Keep writing, love. :D
--Lauren (who is contemplating further nitpicking)
Author's Response: Thanks Lauren. I'm glad you liked it. If I got you to like a H/Hr then I must be doing something right. I'll fix your nitpicks. Thanks again. -Ashley
fantastic, iv been waiting for som1 to write a new H/Hr story I will anxiously be awaiting the next chapter :)
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Next chapter should be in the queue soon! -Ashley
awesome n interesting...pls update soon
Author's Response: Thank you. The next chapter should be in the queue soon! -Ashley