Awww, this fic was really sweet. I'd have loved to have seen more of the Potter/Weasley bunch, but I do like how you ended it, even if I do want more.
This story is adorable! I love your characterizations of Al and Scorpius. I had never considered the pairing, but after reading the story, I've become a fan. Quite Romeo and Juliet-esq, I think (though i don't know that both houses are quite alike in dignity).
My favorite part is:
‘Do you think we can keep this a secret forever?’
Like it usually did when he said something like that, my stomach did a back flip. ‘Forever?’ I asked, smiling to myself as Albus leant his head on my shoulder.
‘Well, as long as we’re together,’ he said. There was a brief pause, and then he said quietly, ‘I hope it’s forever.’
I love the way you capture such personal intimacy with only words.
The only problem I had was Scorpius' parents. I don't know what made their feelings about their son change so drastically overnight.
I would love to see another short fic from Al's point of view. I like the way you pull in Rose, but I'd love to see the Potter's side of the story. What is their family dynamic? How do they react?
Why, why, whyyyyyy have I never read this? I could have sworn that I’d stalked your author page before, and this would’ve been one of the first things I’d have clicked on. At any rate, it doesn’t matter, because I have it available in order to leave you a better review than the squeezing that I probably would have before.
Honestly, I don’t think I could specify what my absolute favourite part of this story is. There are just so many stunning elements to it. First, the characterisation is delicious. Having Scorpius question himself as to whether he wanted to be ‘normal’ and not be in love with Albus and how others would react to it if he was is so genuine. Recently, one of my best friends from school and I got back in touch via Facebook, and he told me that he had come out himself. He was so comfortable with it, yet only his immediate family and very, very few close acquaintances, because he wasn’t so at ease with it being openly homosexual. This reminds me so much of him, and I really think that you’ve captured those tremulous feelings of doubt and hesitance, despite the intensity of his feelings for Albus, so very well. Having delved into the realm of the odd and awkward aspects of coming out for Albus, I know how difficult it is to discern what is genuine and poignant from melodramatic and overstated. I don’t suppose I ever thought about how it would be if the roles were reversed, but in retrospect, it would be doubly difficult for Scorpius, who was saddled with so much social expectation, to overcome that doubt, which you did a brilliant job in illustrating. Also, the fact that he’s a bit of a coward like Draco adds a good bit of character as well as a nice canonical tie.
Albus, my favourite subject. I adore your Albus, even though he’s so different from your WWC characterisation, because he’s just so different. Often (guilty as charged), he’s troubled and angsty, but in this, he’s the one who just doesn’t get why Scorpius can’t simply say, “Hey, I’m gay. Yes, I’m dating the son of my father’s former nemesis, and I don’t care what you say.” He’s almost blithely ignorant to the social pressures that surround Scorpius, but I think that’s one of the things that Scorpius loves about him. And then there’s that floppy surfer hair and the sheer amount of cheek it would take to initiate a kiss with someone whom he honestly couldn’t have been sure to be gay. *sigh*
I will admit... I giggled a bit when Rose came into the picture. It has, upsettingly so, become cliché to make Albus and Rose friends, but I solidly believe that a cliché is only a cliché if it’s badly done. I do, however, think it was brilliantly done. She’s cranky and pushy, which is a stark contrast from Albus’s more amenable and playful nature. She’s almost a mother hen toward Scorpius when it comes to Al, and I think that is definitely a character trait that she would have learnt from being a Weasley.
Wow to Astoria. I suppose I’m more used to her crazy, alcoholic counterpart from WWC that I was surprised to see her as more of a Molly Weasley type. I don’t know if there is really a right or wrong answer to her characterisation, but the idea that Scorpius has parents who are to at least an extent loving and supporting gives me the feel-goods. That being said, I don’t know if I buy Draco’s day and night transition in such a short period of time. I suppose my reasoning behind this is the fact that it took him years to realise that being a Death Eater and a supporter of Voldemort is a really bad idea. He’s not stupid, but he is blind to things he doesn’t want to see, and he’s far too much a coward to change, I would think. I’m by no means saying that your portrayal of Draco isn’t valid, but I suppose I feel like I would need a bit more information about his change as a person to naysay the canon!Draco I know, or even the slightly frosty, judgmental Draco that Scorpius talked about in the first chapter. I suppose it’s just something for you to think about. It’s certainly given me something to think about.
I really like the completely random and unimpressive department that you picked for Scorpius and put it up against a job that Albus’s family had arranged for him to get. It seems like such a drastic reversal from what one would expect with a family who could probably buy their way in or out of anything, but a fitting one. Plus, the nature of their relationship at work is interesting. It just seems so normal, people from work dating and trying like hell to keep it a secret, even though there is nothing inherently wrong or against the rules about it. It’s endearing that they act so very different around one another in the company of their peers as compared to being around a bunch of nameless, faceless Muggles. There is just such a ring of truth about it.
Finally, the actual dynamics between Albus and Scorpius are simply amazing. Their camaraderie and ease with one another is fluid and seamless, yet I can still clearly discern one from the other. I think the best example of this is when they’re at the Muggle bar and half in the bag. It’s so easy to tell that they’re in love from the way they banter back and forth, and the sheer tactility between them when they finally did succumb to their feelings. It’s enough to make me go weak at the knees in delight. Slashy slash (I think you know what I mean) ruins what could have been a good pairing, and the fact that you didn’t do that and instead made it a beautiful coming together of souls made all the difference in the world. You rock so very hard for that.
I’m sure I’ve told you this before, but the way you write is so very nice. It lets me not have to think about the way you write and just concentrate on the story itself. I never realised how valuable this was until I ventured further into the depths of the archives and away from authors I knew to be trusted and talented. It makes each and every time I revisit, for example, your author page just that much more fulfilling. It’s hard not to take such things for granted, considering the talent of my f-list.
All in all, this story is completely fabulous, and I love, love, love it. I can’t wrap my head around any single element that pleases me the most about it, because there are simply so many. I just want to cuddle up with this fic and read it on a rainy day. Thank you for crafting such a fab story, and thank you for making me your SPEW buddy to give me an excuse (as well as proper motivation) to read it.
Minor note: There is a small continuity error in the following passage:
‘You are so stubborn,’ she said, rolling her eyes. There was a resigned look on her face as she stood up and left me alone at the table again. I sighed. No matter what I said to them, they were only going to see it as an act of cowardice. Which, thinking about it, it was.
You have him sitting at a table, but they’re standing in the Atrium at the Ministry. Simply taking out ‘at the table’ would remedy that.
This story was really lovley. I like how you protrayed teh characters. There were not clichèd in any way. The conflicst were very real and they were dealt with in a veyr mature way while still having hints of humor around. I like this paring although I was quite iffy about it at frist. You did a splendid job.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
*squee* I was soo happy when I read that Scorpius actually DID go to the party! And I'm glad Draco and his wife were supportive of Scorpius! This story makes me smile. Good job!
Author's Response: Thank you!
I loved this.
It was nice to see Scorpius' parents accept him for who he is and who he loves.
I would like to read more this. Maybe a retelling of this from Albus' point of view.
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you! And I considered writing more, but I think this particular story is finished for me. That's not to say I won't write Albus/Scorpius again, though ...
Wow. That was the first slash story I've ever read, and it was a GREAT introduction. I'm very impressed with it, especially since it is your first slash story. I think you chose a wonderful pair, mainly because their families were sort of enemies, it added the whole forbidden love factor, which was good. You really made me loathe Scorpius' parents, which I hope you were attempting to do They were real jerks.
The only suggestion I have has to with this segment:
"Where do you think you’re going?’ he asked cheekily, brushing a snowflake from my hair and tilting his head back to kiss me full on the lips. His mouth was deliciously warm compared to the cold surroundings, and I kissed him back, breathing in his scent."
Would Albus really be this impulsive? I just can't help thinking, is this really what would have happened, or is it just a way to get them together quickly? However, I understand that this is a one-shot, and you didn't have the time to this the long way, as you would in a chaptered (is that the right word?) story.
This was good:
"This was followed by an even longer pause as this sunk in, and my heart seemed to fill with more love than I had known it could hold. I had never cared more for anyone else than I did in that moment, which was when I realised:what does it matter what my parents think?"
Anyway, all in all, a great story.
Author's Response: Wow, what a great review! Thank you so much for the wonderful comments. As for Albus kissing Scorpius, I think it's a little bit of both. I do think Albus would do that - in my fic, he's much more carefree and impulsive than Scorpius is, who tends to overthink things and worry all the time. So I do see the kiss as plausible, but I'll also acknowledge that I was just trying to find a quick way to get them together. ;) I'll take your advice on board, and think those things through more carefully next time. Thank you again for the lovely review! :)
First of all I would like to state that I am in fact, NOT homophobic (i actually have a quite large amount of gay friends) but I can't believe that you could have gone this far. YES, it was an excellent story, nice plotline, but I am very dissappointed that you decided to make Albus Serverus gay. Yes, it's fanfiction, but I give a thumbs down on the decision. I would think Draco's son to be gay, but not Albus. And I think many viewers and fans would agree.
I have a theory though that just because Albus Dumbledore was gay, does NOT mean Harry's son shall be. I'm sorry, but I just don't really like the idea. In fact I would like to ask what the hell you were thinking. I am truly sorry, and I loved the plotline, but I really wished you would have picked another character or an original character to play the Draco's son's love interest.
But it just facinates me and I give you props for this, that a son of a very strong, wealthy, and pure family line could not be so pure at all. I think that is quite ironic and interesting so kudos to you:)
Author's Response: Wow. Excuse me, but I find this review extremely rude and offensive. I'm having trouble seeing why exactly you find it so bad to make Albus gay. We know nothing about the sexuality of the next-gen characters, and Albus is just as likely to be gay as any of the others. And I seriously do not think that "many viewers and fans" will agree with you on this point, seeing as you are the only person out of the many people to have read this fic to tell me this opinion. Where on earth does your reasoning come from? If it's just because Albus Dumbledore was gay, then I'm going to have to tell you that it's absolutely ridiculous. To be completely honest, that connection didn't even cross my mind while I was writing this fic. I think of Dumbledore as first and foremost a great headmaster, not a homosexual. His sexuality does not have any bearing on Albus' at all. "What the hell was I thinking?" I wanted to write a romance between two characters who we know NOTHING about. Also, for someone who is "NOT homophobic", you certainly seem to be looking at the characters' sexuality in an extremely negative way. Firstly, I don't think that Albus being gay is the huge deal you've made it out to be, and secondly, I'm extremely offended by how you deem Scorpius "not pure" simply because of his sexuality. Even if that was meant to be a compliment, you're implying that homosexuality is an impure thing and I really do not appreciate it. It's nice to hear opinions on my writing, but I might be more inclined to take you seriously if you weren't so narrow-minded and rude and perhaps used correct spelling and punctuation. Reviews like this are honestly just a waste of your time and mine. I would appreciate it if next time you kept your offensive and discriminatory opinions to yourself.
A wonderful first effort at slash.
(Not that I know anything; I haven't actually gotten the guts to write it, hah.)
I don't mean to be nitpicky, but I have a few comments of the concrit kind for you.
+Although very good, I couldn't really feel it at some points. I had to force myself to read some parts because they were rather...dry. Show, not tell, you know?
+The attraction happened a bit fast. And I think you could've used more details on the growth of it.
Other than those points, it was very good. I was anxious and sad near the end, along with...well, the end was adorable, too.
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review and helpful concrit, dear. I know this fic isn't the greatest - I'm going to rework it one of these days. :) I'll definitely keep those points in mind. Thanks again!
I loved this. I've always though AS/S was cute, but this . . .took the pairing to a whole other level. It was sweet, and sad, but ultimately very hopeful. Excellent job.
Author's Response: Thank you, dear!
T-T omigod, i absolutely love this. what an amazing oneshot.. keep up the good work! :D
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
That really was great and it was funny too. It reminded me a lot of my best friend. He was in the exact position as Scorpius, except that his mother was more understanding.
Author's Response: Thank you, dear. I'm very pleased you enjoyed it. :)
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! such a sweet story. sounds what i dream would happen with me when i find my partner. LOVE IT!!!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you, dear! This really made me smile. :D
I loved that. I've been trying to write Albus/Scorpius for ages, they're one of my favorite pairs.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, dear!
The love you portray between Albus and Scorpius is very sweet. I don't know why the Muggle barman has fire whiskey to give them and it seems odd to me that the Malfoys wouldn't have warded the house against unexpected visitors, but those are relatively minor points.
I do have to say, though, that I think Draco would have been more sympathetic than this. Not that he would necessarily have been thrilled, but somehow I find him a softer person than Lucius by time he grows up. He might have been concerned about appearances, but I think he would have surprised his son by supporting him.
We don't really know much about Albus and Scorpius at all, and nothing of them as adults, and we know almost nothing about Malfoy as an adult, in canon, this is just my gut feeling.
But again - l liked the relationship between the two young men.
Author's Response: *facepaaaaalms* I totally didn't think about the fire whiskey. Oops. I must go and change that. As for the wards around the house ... I did think of that when I was writing, but to have them would have ruined my ending slightly, and I like it as it is. And Draco - in my mind, he does support him. It's just the initial shock he has at finding out his son is gay, and I would have continued it, but like I said, I liked my ending as is. :) I'm extremely pleased you liked their relationship, though! This is the first slash I've written, so I'm glad I managed it well. Thank you!