That was a very sweet story! The summary left me with a lot of suspense... and the crying scene was played out very nicely
That was a very sweet story! The summary left me with a lot of suspense... and the crying scene was played out very nicely
I think you wrote this story well and quite deserve that blue ribbon!
a different story. cool!
never imagined harry to be part of mungo's! LOL!
i think it's well written. it's nice and easy to read! i like it!
I love it! Teddy really does seem to be following the same path as Harry, i.e having no parents and then having the closest thing to a parent taken away from him. I think its great how Harry is there to comfort him. The thing is that this would actually have to happen in JK rowlings version of how things play out, the grandmother would have to die while Ted was still young. Still i never thought of it like that, it''s beautifully sad and i feel the same sympathy for Ted which i always had for Harry. You also executed this idea really well. Well done :)
Poor Teddy now every one that's related to him is dead
Now, I understand. : ) I’d beta-ed on of your stories a long time ago and I asked you why Andromeda had died so early. : (
The fic definitely started with tension; I kept wondering what could have happened to make Teddy experience that irrational foreboding. And it hit him out of the blue, didn’t it? Andromeda was not old; she was strong and healthy, and had survived through a lot to just give up like that. She was a fighter. But how well do we know people?
While in my personal canon, I see her as a resilient survivor, I’m pretty much open to your interpretation because of two things: (a) grief suppressed over a long time could kill people, and (b) the way you handled the story.
Andromeda had a lot to deal with – her pure-blood family, being ostracized for marrying the man she loved, and then losing her husband, her daughter, and her son-in-law. And it is amazing how she has to handle all those deaths within a short time span. What if Teddy hadn’t been there to look after? I don’t think she could have gone on.
But there was Teddy, and she had to pull herself up. There was this young, wonderful boy to look after, to give her company, to bring her some happiness in his life, and while I personally see that as a reason for her to continue life, I can also get the angle you took. It is possible she suppressed her grief for the sake of this child. It is possible that when he wasn’t there, all she lived with were a few gaping holes. It is possible that she didn’t embrace those voids as long as she had to be strong for Teddy.
Coming back to my second point, I was at first conflicted over the ending. I felt that it wasn’t complete and more should have been added. It was too pessimistic. But then, I thought about the abruptness of her demise. It was realistic. In real life, things like these are seldom drawn out. Besides, he had Harry. That counted for something!
I really enjoyed reading this, Hannah. It was a bittersweet experience.
You know, even though these kind of fictions can make you feel a bit sad and depressed when you're done reading them, I do like them anyway. Stories about loosing a loved one and about grief are always very powerful, because if you've lost someone dear in your life, you can actually understand the character's pain. And that's exactly what happened for me when I read this. I've lost my best friend 6 years ago, and I couldn't help but feeling guilty for not being more there for her... Even though you know that you did everything you could, the feeling's still there.
And it's also true what Teddy says at the end: when the person's not there anymore, everything changes suddenly. Everything changes, but at the same time, life need to go on and you have to go back to "normal", even though you know it'll never be the same. That's kind of paradoxical when you think about it...
Anyway, I'll stop my reminiscence here, before I make you feel depressed! But your story made me think and it felt good to think about my friend. So I thank you for that. Very well written story, Hannah! :)
wow. that was great!
Hello, Hannah! :)
So right away there are a lot of things I like about this story. I like that you’ve updated the curriculum and have replaced Professor Binns. Not only does this set your story apart from hundreds of others, but it actually makes sense too! Also, I like how you went and gave Teddy a sort of ‘out there’ quality, but were able to justify it so it makes complete sense and wasn’t like one of those tacky personality traits that bad authors randomly add to their characters to make them less Mary-Sue or Gary-Stu –ish (I feel like I can say this to you because you obviously aren’t a bad author who doesn’t know what it’s like to create an actual well-developed character).
So, I totally know what Teddy was feeling, but . . . something feels a little off to me. I think it might be the order of events, actually. It’d make more sense to me if, like, the shiver had been mentioned first and then the fact that he sat up. I also would have liked a little more details there. It seemed a little too random, IMO, because it was come and gone so quickly that even we as readers didn’t really have time to digest it.
but the irresponsible part of him could already see him using magic for every little thing.
Hahaha. I love this line. Not only is it cute and funny, but its great character development as well. Teddy is just like any other teen (lazy) and isn’t especially disposed to do things the expected way. Wonder where he gets that from, eh? Also, Teddy becomes easier to relate to; he seems more like you and me.
I wasn’t expecting that, although, it does make the most sense. Teddy’s denial is very real and effective; as is the pleading and the regrets. And then when Victoire and the tears come, so does acceptance. I don’t know if you realized, or perhaps did it on purpose, but Teddy has gone through a very real process: The Five Stages of Death and Dying. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Often, people don’t go through all five steps—it’s a unique process, not only to the individual, but also to the time it happens—so it’s perfectly natural that Teddy wasn’t angry.
It’s sad. But good and well-written. It’s very real and I think it speaks to more than just Harry Potter and the fandom, but to anyone out there. It has that overall supportive theme and the message that life does go on. It . . . makes sense. It’s life. I really like it. :)
Hannah, this is an exquisite one-shot. I found it to be very emotional, touching me like a story about death and loss should touch a person. Beautiful work, I’m really impressed.
I very much liked how Teddy felt a moment of unease when Andromeda died. It showed that he was very close to her, that he loved her deeply and therefore to feel the moment of her passing, of course without realising what it meant. It reminded me of what my mum experienced when her father died; she saw a group of crows rise from the field she was passing and felt the same unease and emptiness in her stomach you described in the story. It’s therefore very realistically described, even when Teddy shrugged it off, but never losing the feeling of being sick and alone. I also very much loved the thoughts he had, wondering what it was that caused that feeling in his stomach, thinking that something bad happened to someone of the Weasley family. You thus showed us a very caring Teddy, who did not only love his own flesh and blood, but the surrogate families that gave him all the love they had because the adults knew his parents. That was a really great characterisation.
That you took the time to introduce us to how close Teddy and Victoire were, without letting it take over the story, you also nicely foreshadowed the role Victoire is going to play in Teddy’s life. That she is then the first to comfort him only adds to that future image you charmed into my head. I can easily imagine the two of them going to be an extremely well-fit couple.
And while writing this review, remembering the one-shot in its glory details, I’m crying about Teddy’s loss. We never got to really know Andromeda in the books, but through Teddy’s love for her, you created emotions in me that let me mourn her death as if I had known Andromeda in person. This one-shot showed me that you can describe emotions very well and link your readers to characters we don’t know so much about. It’s a gift you have there, a really wonderful one.
Probably my favourite part was And in that instant – from that one simple question – he couldn’t hold himself in any more and, in a way that he had not done since he was five, he started to cry. Until this point, you build the story up beautifully, capturing your readers in Teddy’s thoughts and entire being. I felt like I was Teddy.
However, in my opinion, the paragraphs that followed after that – in my opinion – climax, took a bit away from the emotional intensity. I found explicit descriptions of his sadness and mourning to be missing, and would have very much liked to see those, as they would have pulled me even deeper into Teddy’s loss. I still like how you continued the story from the climax, but it could have been a tad stronger, without ever going overboard, as the reader would be deeply immersed in the story and much stronger feel what Teddy felt.
That aside, like I said at the beginning, the story is exquisite like it is, and I truly loved reading it. Your style of narration let the story flow easily, catching the reader and keeping them interested. I wanted to find out what this feeling Teddy experienced was, and your story allowed me to do so while still taking in everything that went on around Teddy. Fantastic work, Hannah. Thank you for a very lovely read.
It was good, don't get me wrong, but it would have been cool if it was Harry that died.
Hannah, my dear SPEW buddy!
Quite a good little fic you have here, but sad, of course.
Your writing is very detailed and you really paint a picture of an entirely normal (wizard) boy at an entirely normal (wizarding) school, where the teenagers have nothing more to think about than the excitement of the approaching holidays and coming of age – quite a contrast to the drama of Harry’s years! This line was one of my favourites: Unfortunately, the professors weren’t in the same relaxed, winding down mood as the students, and seemed determined to keep pushing the sixth-years until the very last day. I think every school student knows that feeling! All in all, it’s very easy to relate to this fic.
Opening with the History of Magic lesson both provides the context for the fic, showing what has changed since the war, and adds a bit to Teddy’s characterisation. An explanation of how old Binns was convinced to retire would have been nice ;) , but ‘an afterlife of leisure’ was a nice touch of humour. The whole opening is quite light, which works with that sense of normalcy to provide a setting which greatly contrasts with Teddy’s anxiety.
I really love the emphasis on family and friendship! It’s nice how close all the Weasleys are, and how Teddy and Victoire’s relationship seems completely platonic, at least for now. You didn’t mention Victoire’s looks at all, which helps with avoiding making her a clichéd beauty and lets us see her for her personality – as a strong, good friend to Teddy.
I think you’ve captured McGonagall quite well, with her direct, formal language and clear compassion for her students. I’m not convinced that she would go so far as to theorise about Andromeda’s death, though… perhaps if you’d shown us that the two women were quite close, that would be more IC?
Teddy’s reaction to the news, from the disbelief to the guilt, is all very realistic, and the way Harry and Victoire care for him is touching.
All in all, very nice job. I think you have quite a knack for post-Hogwarts characterisation – I might go check out some of your other Teddy writing now :D
Hello, Hannah! I decided to come and read this little one-shot of yours, as I’ve been meaning to read more Teddy-centered fics and, of course, it’s review time. :)
I love that History of Magic is Teddy’s favorite subject. It’s one of those character traits that just adds so much to the development of a character, and it’s also a great contrast to what we’re used to in canon with that class being so boring. I love that the class has changed since Harry was at Hogwarts, because I think that’s a change that probably would have happened, and it’s lovely to see it shown here.
One of my favorite things about this fic are the frequent references to family. Of course, this fic really is about family, but the mentions of how the Weasleys always sit together and all of that – it’s just really nice. I love picturing that, and I love that Teddy fits in perfectly with the rest of them. The parallel to Harry is quite an obvious one (that I think Jo probably intended), but there’s also something that makes Teddy his own person, his own character. He and Victoire, for example, are absolutely adorable together. I completely adore the way you’ve written them. Their relationship seems so natural and close.
There was one bit that kind of confused me, though. When McGonagall is explaining why Teddy’s grandmother died (oh dear, it’s so strange to think that it’s Andromeda!), she says something about how she knows Teddy hates being told he’s just like his parents. I was just wondering why he hates that. I think it’d be normal to get annoyed when people were always just comparing you to your family, but I would think Teddy would appreciate being told he’s like his parents, especially considering who his parents were (and oh my goodness, I’m getting teary-eyed thinking about Remus and Tonks). I suppose the Harry parallel comes into play again, but all the same, I found that piece of information about Teddy to be quite odd. It seemed a little random to mention in passing, because there really wasn’t room in this fic to explain why Teddy feels that way. Instead I was left just a little bit confused, and I think maybe leaving that part out wouldn’t have detracted from the fic at all.
My biggest critique is regarding the flashback type scenes you’ve included with Teddy and his grandmother on the platform. See, I don’t think the italics were entirely necessary, because you used the past participle tense, which already indicates something that happened in the past (even though the fic is told in the classic past tense narration). That might’ve sounded confusing, but the point is that the flashbacks would have made sense without being italicized. The fact that they are italicized makes the tense feel rather awkward, and I found myself quite distracted from the fic itself.
Overall, though, I really liked this fic. I’ve mostly seen Teddy written as one half of a romantic pairing, but seeing him here as a normal person going through a normal (if very sad) life experience was great. I thought you did a very good job, dear Hannah!
Author's Response: aw, what a lovely review to receive just before I go to bed!
It's interesting that you've pointed out the flashback scenes because I did spend some time pondering the formatting of them and was never wholly convinced that they worked as they are. I will have to go back and re-read and possibly un-italicise them.
Hmm...I suppose the Teddy hating to be compared to his parents thing was thrown in without much explanation - but I suppose that to me, Teddy would probably have become a little frustrated to be told that he was so alike people he had never met and who hadn't been around to influence his life. And the stories he was probably told of them would have made them out to seem like idealised perfect people, as is so often the case when recounting stories of peoeple who have died, that he felt he couldn't live up to the people they were and hated hearing that he was somehow as good as them.(but maybe I am straying too much in to Harry's character here...)
Sorry for my waffly reply! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for your comments!
*sniff* well at least harry and victoire are there for teddy lol. good job!!
Teddy's characterization was good. He seems an ordinary young man, perhaps a little like Harry would have been with a less hazardous and unhappy childhood, which is essentially how Rowling described Teddy. Victoire also avoided most of the cliches I usually read, though we don't really see much of her.
I thought it was a nice story overall, though I'm not sure I buy Andromeda Tonks being strong enough to survive the death of most of her family in the war, but only "clinging to life" until Teddy turns seventeen. I think there should have been something stronger or more compelling to precipitate her demise; she's just not old enough to give up and die because she thinks Teddy doesn't need her anymore.
The writing was good, though there was some repetitive word usage and a bit of superfluous description. Also, there seems to be some pronoun confusion here: " Wondering if he was about to find out the crime he had committed to make him feel so awful, she stopped."
I may check out A Proper Goodbye. I think this woud be interesting as part of a larger Teddy Lupin story.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and for pointing out the pronoun mistake - I've fixed that now - and for the feedback about being repetitive; I'll keep that in mind in the future.
I'm glad you thought my Teddy characterisation was good - I've been writing him a lot recently, thanks to a SPEW challenge, and it's reassuring to hear I've not been doing too badly.
Perhaps the clinging to life part is a little bit melodramatic, but in my mind, even a person as strong as Andromeda could only endure so much before she couldn't cope anymore and I was reluctant to give her too dramatic an ending - I simply wanted her to slip away. Maybe some sort of illness, or other reason for her death, would make it a little more believable, though.
I hope you do check out A Proper Goodbye, and let me know what you think of that, too!