MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For 31 July, 1980.

Name: enchantedsleeper (Signed) · Date: 07/29/11 11:03 · For: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.
I certainly did enjoy it :D Great writing and a lovely heartwarming ending :3 Hooray for baby Harry. :D

Name: iheartyou (Signed) · Date: 03/12/11 17:04 · For: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.
P.S. I just read your reply the explaination why you chose a Muggle hospital over St. Mungo's and that makes complete sense. Well done Lily--she's no idiot! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) You just made my day! Thanks again! :)

Name: iheartyou (Signed) · Date: 03/12/11 17:01 · For: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.
This was lovely and put me through a course of emotions. The beginning had me laughing, the fight at the ministry was nerve-wracking, and the ending is bittersweet, since we know what becomes of Harry and his parents... and his godfather. This is the first fanfic I've read that describes the day of Harry's birth. Very well written and a delightful experience reading.

Name: mzap (Anonymous) · Date: 05/24/09 9:31 · For: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.
This was a very interesting story to read and I quite liked it. I really enjoyed how you brought both the darkness of the First War and the birth of Harry together into one story. The conflicts throughout with the anticipation of the baby and the need to go to battle were brought out very well, and you could feel the anxiety rising as time passed. It was interesting how you chose to have James not be there initially and for Sirius and Remus to have brought Lily to the hospital. Although, I know how Peter not being present was addressed at the end, I think it would have been nice to say so at the beginning as well, so that the readers realize that it was rather suspicious to not have him there; an excuse by him would have been nice, too. Just out of curiosity, was there a reason you choose for this to happen at a Muggle hospital, rather than St. Mungo’s?

The nurse, who had earlier conducted the Lily’s preliminary check-up, now standing beside Lily’s bed clutching a clipboard, said,
A bit of a grammar check: the ‘the’ before Lily needs to be removed and the ‘now’ is not necessary.

They were so consumed in worrying about what was going on inside that, when a silvery-blue boar darted up to them, they nearly jumped out of their skins. It was lucky that no Muggle was present in the corridor at the time, as Alastor Moody’s Patronus wasted no time to give them its message.
The comma after ‘that’ should be removed. At first it seems a bit odd that Mad-Eye would send Sirius and Remus a message at the hospital, but I suppose he didn’t know that they were at a Muggle hospital? Actually, I really liked how you chose not to say what the message had said, having the truth revealed through the present characters.

Another silvery something darted to them and almost yelled to them, “NEED HELP!” It was a message from Dedalus Diggle.
I have doubts that the Patronuses would actually yell out the message. If you look at examples from the books, it will give short sentence messages just in the voice of the sender, not in the emotion. An example would be when Kingsley sends his Patronus during the wedding in DH; although the Death Eaters are coming and the Minister is dead, it is still a calm voice.

“It took a long time for you to show up,” growled Alastor Moody, otherwise known as Mad-Eye Moody.

“Showing up late for an important Order mission in not acceptable Mr. Lupin—and disappearing during a scheduled look-out job”, thundered Moody, his magical eye uncharacteristically unmoving, fixed on Remus.

On this part, you could have brought up the second paragraph with the previous one since it is still the same person speaking. This goes for all cases, unless the person is speaking in paragraphs, in which case you drop the closing quotation mark before the second paragraph, showing that it is still the same speaker.

He beamed at the new father, mother and the godfather; and the news of Sirius having been made Harry’s godfather made Remus come out with the choicest of Remus-like comments; teasing Sirius that now perhaps he would become a bit more serious with his life and settle down, which earned him an elbow in his stomach.
A bit of a run-on sentence, so you might want to split it up a bit.

Despite all this, I really think that you did a good job in portraying your story. It was a very good plot and I think you executed it well. I particularly liked the changes in scenes, from the hospital, where everyone is in joy, to the Ministry, where tragedy has struck. You did a nice job creating the different scenes of emotions and showing how hard the First War has actually struck. I loved the ending paragraph, where Remus decides that he will remember the day Harry was born, despite what has happened. You presented a very nice closure where things are a bit more joyful because of Harry’s birth; it was a great reflection of the beginning of the story, where things are the same before Remus goes to the Ministry.

Overall, I think you did a great job with this and I hope you continue writing.

- Mercy

Author's Response: Know what-I love you! Thanks...thank you...very much...for reading my story and for that awesome review. I really appreciate every word that you wrote in there. And thanks for pointing out those grammar mistakes, i'm going to rectify them as soon as i've finished typing this. :D Okay, and about the St. Mungo's thing, as in why Lily would pick a Muggle hospital for her delivery? Because her intution warned her, to keep a safe distance from the wizarding world. With James out on Order duty and the Death Eaters attacking popular places, she thought going to a less recognised Muggle hospital would be safer. I just couldn't find a place to fit that explanation in! :D

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