Reviews For 31 July, 1980.
Reviewer: enchantedsleeper
Date: 07/29/11 11:03
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.

I certainly did enjoy it :D Great writing and a lovely heartwarming ending :3 Hooray for baby Harry. :D

Reviewer: iheartyou
Date: 03/12/11 17:04
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.

P.S. I just read your reply the explaination why you chose a Muggle hospital over St. Mungo's and that makes complete sense. Well done Lily--she's no idiot! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) You just made my day! Thanks again! :)

Reviewer: iheartyou
Date: 03/12/11 17:01
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.

This was lovely and put me through a course of emotions. The beginning had me laughing, the fight at the ministry was nerve-wracking, and the ending is bittersweet, since we know what becomes of Harry and his parents... and his godfather. This is the first fanfic I've read that describes the day of Harry's birth. Very well written and a delightful experience reading.

Reviewer: mzap
Date: 05/24/09 9:31
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Good and the Bad.

This was a very interesting story to read and I quite liked it. I really enjoyed how you brought both the darkness of the First War and the birth of Harry together into one story. The conflicts throughout with the anticipation of the baby and the need to go to battle were brought out very well, and you could feel the anxiety rising as time passed. It was interesting how you chose to have James not be there initially and for Sirius and Remus to have brought Lily to the hospital. Although, I know how Peter not being present was addressed at the end, I think it would have been nice to say so at the beginning as well, so that the readers realize that it was rather suspicious to not have him there; an excuse by him would have been nice, too. Just out of curiosity, was there a reason you choose for this to happen at a Muggle hospital, rather than St. Mungo’s?

The nurse, who had earlier conducted the Lily’s preliminary check-up, now standing beside Lily’s bed clutching a clipboard, said,
A bit of a grammar check: the ‘the’ before Lily needs to be removed and the ‘now’ is not necessary.

They were so consumed in worrying about what was going on inside that, when a silvery-blue boar darted up to them, they nearly jumped out of their skins. It was lucky that no Muggle was present in the corridor at the time, as Alastor Moody’s Patronus wasted no time to give them its message.
The comma after ‘that’ should be removed. At first it seems a bit odd that Mad-Eye would send Sirius and Remus a message at the hospital, but I suppose he didn’t know that they were at a Muggle hospital? Actually, I really liked how you chose not to say what the message had said, having the truth revealed through the present characters.

Another silvery something darted to them and almost yelled to them, “NEED HELP!” It was a message from Dedalus Diggle.
I have doubts that the Patronuses would actually yell out the message. If you look at examples from the books, it will give short sentence messages just in the voice of the sender, not in the emotion. An example would be when Kingsley sends his Patronus during the wedding in DH; although the Death Eaters are coming and the Minister is dead, it is still a calm voice.

“It took a long time for you to show up,” growled Alastor Moody, otherwise known as Mad-Eye Moody.

“Showing up late for an important Order mission in not acceptable Mr. Lupin—and disappearing during a scheduled look-out job”, thundered Moody, his magical eye uncharacteristically unmoving, fixed on Remus.

On this part, you could have brought up the second paragraph with the previous one since it is still the same person speaking. This goes for all cases, unless the person is speaking in paragraphs, in which case you drop the closing quotation mark before the second paragraph, showing that it is still the same speaker.

He beamed at the new father, mother and the godfather; and the news of Sirius having been made Harry’s godfather made Remus come out with the choicest of Remus-like comments; teasing Sirius that now perhaps he would become a bit more serious with his life and settle down, which earned him an elbow in his stomach.
A bit of a run-on sentence, so you might want to split it up a bit.

Despite all this, I really think that you did a good job in portraying your story. It was a very good plot and I think you executed it well. I particularly liked the changes in scenes, from the hospital, where everyone is in joy, to the Ministry, where tragedy has struck. You did a nice job creating the different scenes of emotions and showing how hard the First War has actually struck. I loved the ending paragraph, where Remus decides that he will remember the day Harry was born, despite what has happened. You presented a very nice closure where things are a bit more joyful because of Harry’s birth; it was a great reflection of the beginning of the story, where things are the same before Remus goes to the Ministry.

Overall, I think you did a great job with this and I hope you continue writing.

- Mercy

Author's Response: Know what-I love you! Thanks...thank you...very much...for reading my story and for that awesome review. I really appreciate every word that you wrote in there. And thanks for pointing out those grammar mistakes, i'm going to rectify them as soon as i've finished typing this. :D Okay, and about the St. Mungo's thing, as in why Lily would pick a Muggle hospital for her delivery? Because her intution warned her, to keep a safe distance from the wizarding world. With James out on Order duty and the Death Eaters attacking popular places, she thought going to a less recognised Muggle hospital would be safer. I just couldn't find a place to fit that explanation in! :D

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
The Apothecary and the Bane by Icarus Unbound 1st-2nd Years
The apothecary receives a visitor in the wizarding slums of London.
M.I.T.: Entente Cordiale by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...