Hey, Sara! This was just beautiful. I love that Remus and Tonks planned ahead in the case of their deaths, leaving Teddy a gift for his 17th birthday. It was a tearjerker, you had me going from the time Harry showed up with the present.The concept was wonderfully carried off, I applaud you.
Your characterization is stunning. The loneliness that Teddy feels is completely believable. I love how you used his hair color throughout the fic to express his mood, noting how quickly it would shift when he was alone and how he controlled it to hide his feelings in the presence of others. It helps show how isolated he feels, loved but not quite belonging. You put it perfectly here:
No matter how he put the puzzle together, his piece did not fit. For the last seventeen years, the puzzle had been painted over giving the illusion all the pieces were in place.
Ah! Simply amazing.
The integration of the memory was just, wow. I loved that Remus and Tonks had the foresight to put it in there, just in case. And when Teddy realizes that all their dreams for him had come true, that he has the family they wanted him to have, it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever read. When he changed his hair to bubble gum pink I nearly died from happiness. Ah! It was wonderful.
There were just a few things that slightly lowered my enjoyment of the fic. You have a tendency to not use contractions in dialogue, which sometimes added marvelously to the character’s speech (such as when Lily said I am waiting. I am waiting for you to think of something fun to do instead of nothing. Wonderful! It perfectly captured how six-year-olds speak when they want to be serious.), but sometimes it left the dialogue feeling formal and stiff (“We are so glad you are staying with us this weekend, come on downstairs if you are hungry.” most people would just say “we’re” and “you’re”). It would feel a bit more…comfortable I guess, if you would use some contractions in places like this.
Also, just for clarity, you might consider putting Remus’s and Tonk’s notes to Teddy in italics. That way, the reader could see immediately where the letters began and ended. I was a bit confused the first time I read through and all of a sudden I was reading a letter; it felt like I didn’t have any notice that it was about to happen. Of course, that could just be me and my crazy brain.
Once again, just thank you so much for writing such a wonderful, beautiful, stunning, amazing fic (have I overused enough adjectives yet?). You’re a very talented writer and I can’t wait to see more from you.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my story. I am so glad that you enjoyed it, and that the emotions I wanted to display showed through so well for you. I wanted to especially thank you for the comments that you gave me for improving it. This being the first story that I had validated I found your review to be incredibly helpful. Hopefully the changes I made will make the story more enjoyable for those that read it in the future. Thank you again. Sara
oh my freak I love love love love love it
Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad you liked it.
*sniff* great story!! :]
Author's Response: Aww, Thank you!
Author's Response: Thank you :)
Author's Response: Thank you