Wow. that was really good. It seemed a but rough in the beginning but once you got into it the writing really smoothed out. I love how you chose Hogwarts! Great job. I can't wait for the next chapter.
This story was beyond cute and I loved every little second of it! Romance fics are so great once in awhile, don’t you agree?
Ron was portrayed perfectly here. The fact that he wanted to do something special, but didn’t know how to go about it was exactly how I imagined things would go. Some fictions show Ron as being totally useless and clumsy and would have had him blurt out the question, but he didn’t want that to happen in your story, which shows some insight on Ron’s mind and how much he loves Hermione. Hermione was also nicely portrayed, especially with the line She laughed. “No, I’ve got a wedding to organise now! Just think of how much there is to do. Who else knows about today?” I love how Hermione jumps straight to planning the wedding; she’s always been very organized and easily excited which is shown wonderfully through this one line. Your minor characters were also written carefully, staying true to who they were. I giggled at how McGonagall ”was positively beaming to see them”, though I think her character could have used a little more attention. We don’t really see her strictness in this story as we do in the books; this was probably just because she was so excited for the couple so maybe a word here and there to describe how she felt about the two former students would have improved her character. Also, the way that Harry proposed to Ginny was priceless. I never imagined something like that happening, but it’s just so perfect and so very likely of Harry to do that while flying and doing what he loves, with the person he loves. Very creative, good job!
What I also liked about this story was that it wasn’t rushed. I see a lot of romance one-shots that speed through everything and get right down to the point. This is good at times if that’s what you want, but you showed a very real way of how things would actually happen. They took a walk through Hogsmeade, went shopping and even stopped into the Three Broomsticks. This interaction between Ron and Hermione was just great to see. I thought it was nice how they were shown to be acting like friends, instead of a love-sick couple – I really believe that Ron and Hermione wouldn’t be ones to publicly show their affection for one another.
There a few missing words in some places, and a quotation should go after “…But I suppose you’re right - we did have some nice trips here when we were younger.” I had to double back after because it didn’t make sense how Hermione would say She took his hand and they started walking ;)
Overall this was a nice little read. I got shivers when Ron was proposing to Hermione! I enjoyed reading this very much, you did a wonderful job. I hope you can get around to finishing it off soon!
awww very sweet :) i like the idea of sending them to hogwarts!
I just have one question. Why is it that hermione graduated a year after Ron?
Other than that I really enjoyed this, good job!
Awwwwwwwwww! Update, update, update! The only "constructive criticism" I have is before Ron popped the question, you typed "She had sat up straighter on the soda ". I think it should be sofa. :D. This is excellent though, update soon!!!
Wow i can't wait for the next chapter this one was so good! good luck on the next chapter tho!
What can I say. Not only have you satisfied your own urge to write some Ron/Hermione, but you've restored my faith in the pairing. Ahhh, this is sweet. Ron is being all Ronnish and quite useless, but he's not hopeless which he's so often portrayed as in fanfiction. I LOVE that line when he's talking about their first kiss. I'd forgotten that they'd have been all dirty and smelly from their epic camping trip plus their journey to collect Basilisk fangs.
Hmm, Hermione seems to be very organised (as usual), but I can't see the wedding going according to her strict schedule.
Good story, Hannah.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! And I'm glad I managed to restore some of your faith in the pairing (you might not want to read the fic I've just written and is soon to be posted, in which they break-up, though!). Heehee, and yes, they're first kiss can't have been the most romantic of occasions! And no, I'm sure the wedding won't be going exactly to plan...though will still be nice and fluffy no doubt!
What a sweet story! It is my own personal indulgence to read a fluffy love story every now and again. This one was perfect for my little romance fix.
I enjoyed the way you wrote Ron. Showing that he recognized his ‘romantic limitations’ and what he knew that Hermione would want from the situations. I liked that you described Harry’s proposal to Ginny, and that up until then the details were not widely known. I felt that that stayed very true to the characterization of both. Harry’s quiet nature and understanding Ron has for it.
On that note, later in the story when you introduced Professor McGonagall I would have liked a little more development for her character. I understand that she is a secondary character in your story, but so was Harry. You wrote more description for the emotions he showed when speaking with Ron. The emotion you gave McGonagall was very limited. I understand that she usually conducts herself in a poised manner, but she had a personal interest in these two students. She had watched them struggle and triumph over a lot to get to this moment. As we saw throughout the books when something particularly struck her she was prone to small outburst of emotion. As with all reviews this is my personal opinion, but I feel that life you give to secondary characters compliment the work you put into creating your main characters.
I cannot wait to see what happens when they plan their wedding. (Hope your muse gives you a poke in the ribs, and we will see it sooner than later :p)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! My muse has been a little better behaved recently so it shouldn't be forever before a new chapter comes. Unfortunately though, it's fussy about what it will write and right now, it's stuck on Teddy Lupin. I promise to start it soon though! I'm glad you liked the fluffiness of this. Thanks for the feedback on McGonagall - I admit that I find her a tricky character to write so perhaps I didn't give her the attention she deserved!
First off, I'm writing this as I go and it will thus read disjointed and weird. Bear with me. :D
“Shut up! I wanted to say that I’ve decidedtoaskHermionetomarryme,” he said very quickly, without pausing for breath.
The tag is a little redundant, considering "decidedtoaskHermionetomarryme" is all one word, indicating that Ron was speaking fast, and also, well, without pausing. So to read both tags afterward, it's a little awkward. Still something I can see Ron saying, though. :D
“Anyway, so I took her some deserted moors where I thought we’d have the chance to do a bit of flying in peace
This is confusing. Do you mean 'took her to"?
Other than those two nits, I can't find a thing to pick! The grammar is spotless (wouldn't expect less from an Unspeakable ;)) and I really adore your writing (from the grammar to the flow, it's just amazingly enjoyable).
I like how you started the story with narration on Ron's awkwardness with romance: I could never see him being anything but, and I think you've pulled this across without playing on any of the clichés. Hermione's contentedness with his minimal gestures also just rang so true: I don't see Ron and Hermione being an overly romantic and gushy kind of couple, considering their backgrounds. Hermione being a brainy kind of girl, set in logic, and Ron being brought up in a humble family with little money but loving parents—a "down to earth" relationship is what I really see for them, and even though you've only shown a little bit of their relationship in this chapter, I think you've brought that out quite nicely.
Which brings me to the proposal: Just adorably amazing. His conference with Harry at first was, while also awkward, hesitant, and embarrassing, such a could-be-canon moment that I couldn't stop smiling, despite the fact that I wasn't even to the romance yet. :D Harry's retelling of how he proposed to Ginny (especially the "Kissing in midair while attempting to…" line. Adorable. :D) was… I don't know. Not canonical, not cute, but just… real. The conversation was… Well, I don't know, but I particularly enjoyed reading it.
The proposal itself was also all of the above words used to describe wonderful romance. :D (Insert 'cute', 'adorable', 'enjoyable', and 'I-couldn't-stop-smiling' here). One thing that I thought was missing though was that there wasn't a lot of reminiscing on their years spent in Hogwarts. I am far from an expert on romance, but I think that every couple has a beginning, and when you're writing after that beginning, one thing that can make or break you is how well you incorporate their past into the present. Considering we're dealing with fanfiction here, and your readers know Ron and Hermione so well, I think that in a good fluff it's vital that you slip in canonical references, keep their relationship fresh in our mind, but also, more importantly, keep your spin on it present. A little mingling with the past and present is (at least just in my opinion) what really makes a good romance.
Despite that, though, the setting and the description and his proposal was… Can I just giggle here and let that suffice? :D I don't know how many more ways there are to tell you how very much I loved this chapter, so I'm just going to stop and say I hope you're not as much of a sporadic writer as you say you are. :p (Oh, and I know it's a bit odd to critique outside of the story but uhm… you spell "sporadically" wrong in you’re a/n… :))
Author's Response: Firstly, thank you for such a great review. I was browsing the Monthly SPEW review thread and suddenly saw and my name and was very surprised as I hadn't yet checked my email to find that I had a new review. Thanks for pointing out those mistakes - I've got one or two other things to edit so I'll fix those as well. And thank you for the feedback on needing more of the past integrated though. I'll try and show a bit more of that in the next part. And I'm glad you liked my romance :) This story was my fluff-fix so I'm pleased someone else appreciated the romance as well! Oh and *rolls eyes* at spelling mistake - the one part I didn't do in MS Word!
Aw! I, also, love the Ron and Hermione ship, and I loved the idea of doing it at Hogwarts. So romantic!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review - I'm glad you enjoyed it!