Aww, that is really quite sad! I really feel for Ron here. What rotten timing on those accelerated exams, right in the middle of planning a wedding. But Hermione's trip couldn't have come at a better time, really--as long as he can concentrate and not just be miserable.
You (via Hermione) make a very good point: that they've been together since the were eleven. Merlin, that's a long time. It probably would be good for them to spend some time apart. I could wax on about my own personal life here, but I won't, since that has nothing to do with this review, lol - I just hadn't thought about that with them before.
I did notice a typo that sort of made me giggle:" trainee author " - I imagine you meant "trainee auror" but the idea of a trainee author is rather amusing, esp. for Ron. :)
Finally, I wonder if you've thought about using more descriptive narrative in your writing, especially during dialogue. It may be a personal preference, but I wonder if things might feel a bit less rushed if we had a bit more of something like that--descriptive dialogue tags here and there, a bit of action while talking (sounds cliche but people gesture, make faces, pause and sigh and smile and such), some more internal thoughts. It may not be what you were going for with this story, but it was something I've noticed and I hope you don't mind me mentioning it.
All right--be nice to these two. Good luck with the next chapter, I hope it's coming along and Ron and Hermione are cooperating!
Author's Response: Yay, Gina! Thanks so much for all the reviews - it's lovely to hear from you :). I'm glad you've been enjoying the story - the next chapter is planned but has stalled a little due to me being unable to write happy endings :p And yes, I think I probably did mean auror lol - whoops!
Thanks for the comment about the dialogue/narrative balance - Kara mentioned it to me too when she betaed and I think it's something I need to work on. I tend to worry that I'm waffling/being unnecessary when I narrate and so I get bogged down in dialogue instead - I'll try and work on a better balance for the last two chapters.
I never knew about this story until today, and I thank Merlin for that! It's so good that there is no way I would have survived the wait between updates if I had been there from the beginning. Once again, procrastination pays!
PS: I am so glad that this fic is on the road to completion instead of being another one that stokes excitement but is never completed. I'm sure this is making a lot of people happy!
Awww, that's very sad for Ron! You write him very well, and I particularly liked his talk with George. The bit with Hermione at work was also really clever and a good twist on the trio coasting through life rather easily after the war. Nice job, Hannah!
dont make me cry.. bring them together already :(
Author's Response: I'm doing my best! Thanks for the review. :)
This is really fascinating, because I never really thought about how Hermione would handle a wedding in both worlds. This solution made a lot of sense. And of course Hermione must have other family, so I thought it was neat to see them finally tell her grandmother about her magic.
It felt a bit rushed at times, yet by the end I could see see perfectly why Hermione would be so stressed out and upset with Ron. You totally nailed the feeling of trying to please everyone but yourself (and I speak from experience!) so I feel for them.
Looking forward to the newest chapters soon!
I hope Ron can get his stuff together in these 4 weeks and pass his exam!
Author's Response: So do I... Thanks for the review!
Hi Hannah! Lovely start. I could totally see Ron going to Harry for advice and proposing at the castle totally makes sense. Way to go, Ron! This was very sweet and I look forward to reading more, even if it takes me a few days to catch up. I'm glad you've come back to it - writing is fun, isn't it? Good luck! ~Gina :)
Beautiful chapter...planning a wedding can certainly put a strain on a relationship. I hope it isnt another year before we get an update! I
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, and for coming back a year later! I've already added another chapter since this one and the next one is two thirds done so hopefully you'll be seeing it soon.
“Fat lot of use it is now, though. Shockingly there isn’t a chapter on ‘how to stop your witch leaving you a few weeks before your wedding’.”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - okay, I shouldn;t laugh, but that line really made me giggle. I can TOTALLY see Ron saying that. Ahh, Hannah, this is a lovely story. I adore your Ron and George, too. I like them getting close, 'cause I think they would in the aftermath of the Battle - well not immediately, but a year or so after, he'd be trying to get back to some sort of normality.
I have one small issue (it's teeny) At least in his bedroom, there were no reminders - Molly Weasley may have just about accepted Ginny leaving to move in with Harry,
I don;t think Ron woiuld think of Molly as Molly, but would refer to her as 'his mum' or something. But that's the only crit.
Bob, I love this story. It's not over the top dramatic and yet there is tension. It's touching and real. -Keep writing I want to know what happens ~Carole~
Author's Response: Yes, you're right - I think I kind of slipped into 'narrator mode' there and forgot that the rest of it was definitely' in Ron's PoV. I'll change it.
Thanks for the lovely review, and I'm glad I made you giggle. :D
oh this is so intense.. I hope they work things out before its too late..
This is really good! I can't wait for the next chapter!
I loved it! So sweet and it made me smile. :)
Are you going to write something for their wedding and honeymoon? I would love it if you did!
Haha Ron is being a typical guy, my husband didn't help with our wedding plans either. Love this story so far, can't wait to see if they work it out and I'm interested to see how they work out the two weddings plus the reception. Keep it up!
I can't wait to read the rest! i love self indulgent stories about ron and hermione, and this one was amazing!
You're such a better person than I am, welcoming concrit especially. :D I do believe to err is human, to edit, divine, although to me getting concrit is like getting a "practical" gift instead of one that sparkles. Yes, it's useful and you appreciate it, but it doesn't make your eyes light up or bring a smile to your face for days afterward, LOL.
Your story made me smile, so I hope your muse is summoned by the eagerness of your readers to experience what happens next along with Ron and Hermione. I'll be honest, though, and tell you I believe you don't need anything but bum glue to start writing. Stick your bum in a chair, put on a timer, don't allow yourself to get up or do anything but write, and it will be magical how words form and become paragraphs and then pages. ;)
They say it's the little things that count and there are so many details in your story I enjoyed. Moldy cheese flavored beans, Harry and Ron's banter (“I think you can safely say I won’t be there when you propose, so you’ll be alone then,” was one of my favorite lines), where Ron proposed, and the use of her grandmother's ring.
I liked the way you had Ron admit that he missed the freedom he'd had in Australia, and loved when he said that he'd learned he could never be without Hermione. The honesty is very true to Jo’s characterization of Ron.
I did notice "replied" and "added" were used frequently. You have “There’s certainly something about this place,” replied Ron and “I love you, too, Ron,” she replied in back to back, very important paragraphs. If you changed Hermione's "replied" to "said with a radiant smile" or something else suitable it would cut the repetitiveness and add to the "Aww" factor. :)
Added, like explained and some of your other attribution tags, repeats what's already implied clearly by the dialogue.
“Th-thanks,” stuttered Ron.
“Stop!” interrupted Ron
“I’ll help you,” Hermione reassured him.
“Your grandmother’s ring,” he finished.
It's just something to keep in mind in future chapters, along with making sure you start a new paragraph when changing from on pov to another and keeping what a character does and says together. For example:
He took her hand and they headed to McGonagall’s office. She took only one look at their faces and let out an exclamation of delight, immediately knowing that Ron’s plan must have been a success.
“Congratulations! I’m so pleased for you both. I hope that you will be very happy together.”
Which I think should read:
He took her hand and they headed to McGonagall’s office.
She took only one look at their faces and let out an exclamation of delight, immediately knowing that Ron’s plan must have been a success. “Congratulations! I’m so pleased for you both. I hope that you will be very happy together.”
A couple of paragraphs down from that, if you ended the sentence at waist, drop a paragraph and put “She smiled” before "I can't believe we're getting married" it would improve the flow and clearly show who said, "I can't believe"
I can't believe my review went on so long, but remember: you asked for it :D, and my review was given in hopes of being both constructive and encouraging.
(Hint, hint, tell the muse you'll write without her fickle presence if you have to! Watch. She’ll come running.)
awww! soo sweet :) is the wedding going to be in another chapter?? i hope so!! this is sooo good! please add more!
Hurry up with Chapters 2 & 3 please!!
Aww! What a sweet story! I think Ron proposing at Hogwarts was really a great way to end the first chapter. It seemed very appropriate to the HP series because Ron and Hermione first realized they liked each other at Hogwarts (as Ron points out in the story). I loved the reference to the "battle kiss" too because that was definitely my favorite part of book 7! :) Hope you update soon. :)
I thought it was really cute, and I can't wait for the next chapters! But Rons little speach about the ring, and everything he says after that, don't sound like things Ron would say, and it doesn't really match the Ron in the beginning.
Even though that was the longest run on sentence ever, I loved it!
Wow. that was really good. It seemed a but rough in the beginning but once you got into it the writing really smoothed out. I love how you chose Hogwarts! Great job. I can't wait for the next chapter.