MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Name: Hermoine Jean Granger
(Signed) · Date:
07/31/09 0:53 · For:
Name: A H
What a sweet little story this was! Really, it was the last thing I'd expected, for a story based on the Malfoys. But I thought it was a really intriguing premise to explore-- how Abraxas, who is projected as an out and out ambitious Slytherin in the beginning, changes slowly and transforms from a person who is jealous of his brother, and wants back attention, to a person who learns to share and realises, in a little way, the meaning of love. It was a story that showed the power of that feeling, subtly, yet, really well.
The beginning-- well, it was a rather detailed article, yes, but it seemed to lack something. It seemed to be a collection of facts-- well written and alluding to the Tournament we saw in the GoF, but it really doesn't seem to give the reader more than that, and well, people love a pinch of gossip and a controversy. So, yes. I think it'd have been more captivating if it had something controversial. =)
Abraxas' feelings after reading the article were those that one could probably expect from an ambitious, attention-seeking Slytherin. We can sympathise with him on some level, too, when we see how left out he feels in the presence of Scorpius, and how he really wants to impress his parents and get back the attention that he had enjoyed before the addition of Scorpius to the family.
The interaction between the two Malfoys was, on many counts, the most adorable thing about it all. How Abraxas begins to notice Scorpius and how his feelings of resentment slowly disappear, and then how he actually starts seeing the pure and unadulterated beauty in the young baby. This line, in particular, rings so true, and was my favourite: Then again, children do have the purest minds, and this one was only a few months into the world.
The end realisation of Abraxas, and how his motive really changed from that of wanting to out-do Scorpius and grab people's attention to that of loving his brother and wanting to do it for him, someone who he actually counted as an enemy just moments before, was brought out really well towards the end. I liked the changed Abraxas Malfoy.
Overall, really nice job, and I do hope you write the sequel that you planned!
(Signed) · Date:
07/09/09 3:43 · For:
Aw, short and sweet and yet insanely enjoyable (and adorable xD). I love the characterization in this, not only from the OC (which I'll get to shortly) but also of Draco and Astoria (the later who is… well, pretty much an OC anyway).
If it says anything to my attention span, I clicked on the link and began reading before even reading the title; I was going to say how much I loved how Abraxes' motive changed after spending a quiet afternoon with his baby brother, but considering that was the point of this, I think it might be a little redundant. >.> Well, redundant or not, I love how you narrate this change of mind in Abraxas: In the beginning we automatically think "Yep, he's a Malfoy alright" due to his attitude and that never-failing Malfoy sneer, but toward the middle and around the end we're shown a lighter side of the character, a side I can definitely seen being inherited from his father, even if we never got to see it (I'm a diehard Harry/Draco/Draco-has-a-bleeding-heart fan XD).
And then toward the end, characterization staying completely consistent (i.e. it didn't feel at all like a light being switched, even though, in the situation, a lesser author could very well have slipped into the inconsistency black hole), Abraxas comes back around to being bitter and put-off by his parents. I loved how consistent and realistic this character is and I do hope you continue with the story so that I can see more of him. ;)
Characterization aside, I love the beginning of the story, where we see the newspaper article on the TriWizard Tournament; very nicely executed plot device to introduce us to the TT. In fact, I can't think of a thing that wasn't executed well here. The plot, the characterization, the reasoning behind this changed motive—it was all written very well and I just adore the prose here.
And you HAVE to continue this, Ange! Jeeze, you can't give us this amazing beginning and then rob us of the rest of the story. I want to know what happens in the TT, I want to see Draco and Astoria realize they've negligence their older son, I want to see more! You've got such a brilliant beginning here and it's only fair that you continue.
(Signed) · Date:
06/26/09 3:29 · For:
I loved this fic. At first I was thinking Abraxas was a bit of a brat, but then I figured that was normal in that situation...especially when Astoria ignored him! Poor Brax.
Gah. Brain is dead right now, so my reviewing is even worse than usual, but I do have one small correction to make:
"Abraxas raised his eyes at the baby, wondering why on Earth he was seeking judgment from a child."
Wouldn't he be raising his eyebrows?
Author's Response: *facepalms* Thank you so much Minna! Wow, I must have been going too fast or something there. *blush* Thank you. I'll fix it. And I'm *super* glad you liked it! :D