Reviews For Rebellion!
Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 12/22/09 8:54
Chapter: Rebellion!

Your mention of Dr. Seuss in the summary is what drew me to this poem. It promised whimsy and "lots of fun things that are funny." I think you delivered on that promise. The Hogwarts twist on Sing a Song of Sixpence was clever, and "Large and Luscious and lurid--oh my!" was smilingly reminiscent of "lions, and tigers, and bears--oh my!" in the Wizard of Oz.

It made me chuckle to "hear" house-elves threaten gore and then "see" the teachers calmly put down their teacups and say, "Hermione!" Your imagery is vivid and the poem was entertaining.

I must say, however, that the rhyme scheme felt forced and wasn't truly Seuss-like. As the Cat in the Hat says, "It is fun to have fun, but you have to know how.” Did you ever sit down with a Dr. Seuss book and examine the different rhyming patterns he uses? 

To emulate Seuss, pick a pattern, any pattern, and see what happens to your poem. Here’s what came to me:

The headmaster of Hogwarts sits down to eat
Jerky and jams and a jelly blue sweet.
And in the middle of it all sits a blueberry pie,
Large and luscious and lurid-- oh my!
 

I hope I’ve helped, but in the end, in the words of Oh the Places You’ll Go: 

You’re on your own. And
you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll
decide where to go . . . .  

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent
   guaranteed.)

ETA: I originally reviewed on October 1st, but I deleted and reposted it December 22nd without the Seuss quotes, which were given to be helpful yet in retrospect made me feel Grinchy.

 

Merry Christmas!

Reviewer: XhayleeXblackX
Date: 05/30/09 15:50
Chapter: Rebellion!

Oh, BB, this poem had me giggling. I loved the simple humor in it.

The headmaster of Hogwarts sits down to eat
Jerky and jams and jelly blue as the sky!
And in the middle of it all sits a blueberry pie,
Large and luscious and lurid-- oh my!


This was my favorite stanza because it flowed so completely and the word choice was lovely. It set the poem up for humor and also gave it a nice beginning. Your punctuation was very fitting and consistent throughout the poem, which is something I myself have trouble with, so it was nice to see such a naturally flowing poem.

The only thing that I really noticed was that the rhyme scheme was off at times, such as the rhyming of ‘yummy’ and ‘fairy’. The uneven, for want of a better word, rhyme here threw me, and I think a different word than yummy would provide for a better flow.

Now, the ending with everyone calling out “Hermione!” was simply wonderful. Although I know it’s supposed to be humorous, this was just something that I could really see happening, if the house-elves felt the need to rebel, that is. Your imagery allowed for the scene to be pictured vividly in my mind, which was a nice change from the typical abstract nature of poetry because I could picture it as though you had written a short story rather than just a few simple stanzas.

Good work, BB, please keep writing!

-Haylee

Reviewer: grimlysirius
Date: 05/02/09 3:16
Chapter: Rebellion!

Okay, so you made my early!morning again with your strange, humorous poem.

At the beasts and beings and the student body,

Why is he looking at the student body? This just sounded awkward to me when I read it.

Meet our demands, or you'll see real gore!'

What violent little buggers!

I think my favorite parts were the first and last stanzas. With the pie... now I want a pie. >.> At the end, how all the teachers are just sitting there drinking tea cracked me up, and how they're like "Oh look, house-elf rebellion. Must've been Hermione." Haha.

Anyway, yo poems ah da shizz. (You feelin' da gangsta vibes, foo?) :)

--Lauren

Author's Response: I'm really making your morning, aren't I? Hee hee.

Frankly, I used "student body" there only because I wanted it to rhyme (somewhat ) with Nellie... And he's looking at the student body because it's in chaos.

Violent little buggers is right! You can see what they do to themselves, just imagine what they're capable of doing to others?

*gives pie* Is the three point one four nice? You cracked me up with the whole "Oh look," thing... Heehee.

Thanks fo da review, foo!

Reviewer: sorrow_of_severus
Date: 05/01/09 17:55
Chapter: Rebellion!

I was enjoying the poem when I got to the last stanza. I wondered how it could be the last. How could you sum it all up in only a couple more lines? You did, though. "Hermione!" Perfect.

Author's Response: Reading your first sentence, I thought this was going to be a negative review.. But thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed the twist at the end (I definitely liked the twist at the end of your review), and I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Hermione was a stroke of inspiration that occured to me suddenly while writing the poem, I hadn't really planned on that. :D

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Epithalamium by Squibstress Professors
Minerva McGonagall is a bright, talented witch with dreams of becoming the first...
A Ship to Wreck by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
And good God, under starry skies we are lostAnd into the breach we got tossedAnd...
The Apothecary and the Bane by Icarus Unbound 1st-2nd Years
The apothecary receives a visitor in the wizarding slums of London.
FEATURED
Twilit Confessions by ahattab33 3rd-5th Years
After returning from Australia with the Grangers, Ron realises the moment to...
Soul Sister by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
Ted and Andromeda have just eloped. So, they dance. A songfic featuring...
Time and Tide by minnabird 6th-7th Years
Filius has seen her all his life: the Woman. She has been drifting through time...
Footprints in the Sand by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
It was a summer like any other for Danny. He worked at his parents' Bed and...
Consolation by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
For years, Remus Lupin found comfort in the arms of Rosmerta Richardson...until...
Dangerous Liaisons by eternalangel 6th-7th Years
It was a dangerous game she was playing; Dorcas Meadowes knew it, but the exhilaration...
CATEGORIES