Ooh, I am hooked! First, I'm dying to know who Fee's mother is, and second, I want to know how the Harry/Draco started. My curiousity is well and truly piqued. :D
I really love your portrayal of Draco. He's different, which is the way I like him. I also adore the first person storytelling from a child's standpoint, because she notices things that some do not, such as how to pet the peacocks, and also, children are extremely perceptive of others' emotions and fears, even when they think they're not.
All in all, I will definitely keep reading.
sounds very interesting!
Author's Response: Thanks!
Wow this is great! I never knew Draco could ever be so sweet.
Author's Response: Hehe, thank you. I like to think that in the books he simply didn't have anyone to be a decent person to. :D
This is so good! I'll be waitring for updates:)
Author's Response: Thanks! Hopefully there will be updates very soon!
Very good. I can't wait to find out what's going on!
Your very good at leaving cliff hangers.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you appreciate the cliffies. :D
I loved it! I do wish you would have updated sooner but it was worth the wait.
Author's Response: Sorry about the wait . . .*hides* Thanks for the review!
very well written, i have a lot of suspense about who is felicity's mother and the continued story line. Great job and keep it up!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad there's lots of suspense. :)
I didn't check: Was this a one-shot or chaptered? I wanna know who the mum was! lol :D
Author's Response: Chaptered. You'll get to know . . .eventually. ;)
This seems very interesting. it's definitely got a lot of potential, and I can't wait to see what you do with it next.
Author's Response: Thank you! I've been attacked by RL, but the next chapter should be up soon!
What first attracted me to this was your banner; I love Draco :)
Anyway, I really enjoyed the chapter! I think the set-up is great - realistic, plausible and I can see it happening. Your characters are IC - especially Narcissa. I loved the addition of the peacock scence - something so simple really provided an insight into the mind of Felicity and Narcissa.
Felicity is a great character and I like the way she adores Draco. She's very perceptive about her relationship with her grandmother - but maybe a bit too much? Hate might be a harsh word for her to use. Perhaps Felicity might just think her grandmother doesn't like her very much, as opposed to hate. I know they're practically the same thing, but still :P
I love the cliff-hanger also - I can't wait to find out who the mother is! And what's going on with Harry Potter? I'm intrigued - well done :D
Author's Response: Woah -- sorry I never replied to this! I didn't realize I hadn't. :P Anyway -- thanks so much! I'm gland you thought everyone was IC; that's one of my main worries. :)
Good start! You did get Felecity right as a bright , only child, who is around adults alot. Hope you can keep updates coming. Can be tricky to keep POV of a nine-year old. might have to switch to 3rd party narrative sometimes in future episodes,
Author's Response: Thank you! I was thinking about the POV -- I'm going to try and keep it all 1st person Felicity. Though of course that might have to change, but I'll try. :-) Thanks again!
Wow, now I'm really curious as to what happens next! *favorites*
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Curious is good!
Author's Response: Thank you.
This is intriguing. I do like the set up you've established. Draco comes across as a caring father. I disagree with Felicity being too 'precious' for a nine year old. I've known seven-year olds far more precious :=]. Also I think she's in charatcer as she seems to be an only child being raised solely by her father, so probably doesn't see many other children.
Hmm, small nit-pick: distence - it's distance. I would also pick at the word 'gotten' because it's a very American word but that's me being a picky-picky Brit.
The only other thing I would say, and this isn't really a criticsm merely an observation, is that it does seem a bit dialogue heavy in places. You set this chapter up beautifully with the peacocks and I was enthralled so I'd have liked to see your obvious talent for scene setting carry on to a description of their home. That's just my personal opinion. I look out for stuff like that because I'm actually too fond of dialogue myself. Looking forward to reading the rest. Carole xxx
Author's Response: I never thought of 'gotten' as American -- I'll have to look out for that. And thank you for the spell check. ;)
I love dialogue -- it is my friend. :) I'll try to keep it balenced with description, though. Thank you so much for reviewing! *huggles*
I loved it! Your writing is spectacular.
Author's Response: Thank you! Reviews are spectacular. ;)
I liked this very much. I like that Draco obviously goes and visits his mother, even though he clearly does not agree with her much.
I agree that Felicity is not a very Malfoyesque name, but there may be a point there. And the meaning of her name might be making a point, as well.
I do hope they end up helping Harry anyway.
I agree with most of the technical points made by Inverarity, except that while 9 may be a bit precocious, She didn't strike me that way. I've known some pretty precocious children, I guess, but I also think it is more common when a child spends a lot of time with a parent, rather than with other children.
Author's Response: There's a point. There's always a point. :)
I'm really trying to keep Fee behaving at the right age, so any help on that front would be greatly appreciated. Overal, thank you for reviewing!
I'm intrigued. So far Draco and Narcissa seem quite in character. Felicity is a little too precious, especially for nine, and it's not really a Malfoy-esque name, but I'm still curious to see who her mother is and where you are going with this.
Felicity's insight and empathy for the peacocks is what grabbed me. A nice little bit of characterization right at the start that made me want to keep reading and find out more about this girl.
I think it takes away from Narcissa's coldness a bit to have her call Felicity "Fee" -- I'm not sure if that was deliberate or not.
Overall, well written. I spotted one error: "They don’t like being petting anywhere else" should be "petted."
Author's Response: Glad I got them in character -- that's one of my biggest fears while writing fan fics. And there's a reason 'Felicity' is a very Malfoy-like name. ;) You liked the peacock scene! *huggles* It was what made this story jump from plot bunny to reality, so I'm rather attached to it. Darn -- I though I had Narcisaa call her 'Felicity.' Oh, well. Off to correct that -- and the typo you pointed out, thank you -- right now.
WHO IS HER MOTHER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?
I really like this! It's a fresh perspective and I really like how you tell the story through her. This is a fantastic beginning.
And now I'm insanely curious.
Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you're curious. :)