MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
11/06/10 3:32 · For:
Is it...Molly and Ginny Weasley?? That's what comes to my mind. Lovely poem, once again. It makes me think of me and my mum sometimes :D
Author's Response: I was actually writing about me and my daughter, but thought it could fit with any mom/daughter combo in the Potter books. :) Molly and Ginny work, as would Hermione/Rose, Andromeda/Tonks, ect. :) I'm glad that you enjoyed this poem also.
(Signed) · Date:
07/12/09 22:17 · For:
Hi Sis! here to offer up a review. :)
I sit here watching the world pass by,
Things are perpetually changing.
As contemplations escape with a sigh,
My thoughts are constantly exchanging.
This is a very good start. I like the rhyming and I like the ideas presented. they catch the imagination, makes the reader want to read more and see what the person is thinking about. I do think that the flow is a bit off...very broken up/staggato in nature.
Spring comes with a rush,
Winter fades with the grey.
Love causes many a blush,
As April fades into May.
Here the thoughts from the previous stanza are left behind, blurring with the seasons. I like this in a way because it helps emphasize the passing of time and the speed at which it sometimes seems to happen...but I do kinda wish that more about the thoughts of the person in the first stanza were explained.
I watch my daughter grow,
Her heart and mind expanding.
Her size could never begin to show,
What her soul is now demanding.
Here comes the thoughts and I love this...but perhaps this stanza should come before the second? Just a thought as I was expecting something more like this after the first. The flow of this stanza is great and keeps the reader going. Much more fluid the the first stanza
Now I move with the world around me,
Trying to keep up with the bedlam.
Thoughts and visions help me see,
My world is much of who I am.
I guess I got a bit lost here, not sure what bedlam means, perhaps more explaination...more stanzas? is needed to explain what thoughts and visions the person is having...what does this have to do with her daughter discussed earlier? How does this all tie into the world and who this woman/young lady is?
Overall a very well written, great rhyme scheme, and good thoughts and ideas throughout this poem...I just think that perhaps there are gaps that need filled, some incomplete ideas that need to be expanded upon.
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this. I'll look at some of your suggestions to see what I can do with them! thanks for the review, sis!