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Reviews For Prefects Imperfect

Name: damvampsal21 (Signed) · Date: 07/10/12 15:59 · For: Chapter 3
Sneaking around snogging was perfect! There are soo little RL fanfictions and even less completed ones. This is actually one of the really good ones ive read. I hope that you do consider finishing it because I want to know what is happening!! Lol

Name: damvampsal21 (Signed) · Date: 07/10/12 15:56 · For: Chapter 2
Haha this banter they have going on is hilarious!!! The "inability to get shagged comment is I think what made me want to read the story when my friend told me about it. Great work!

Name: damvampsal21 (Signed) · Date: 07/10/12 15:52 · For: Chapter 1 - Lily Goes Lightly
Haha Remus is in shock!! I love Lily begging "touch me please". But sooo cute when he finishes early and what she says :)

Name: badboysarebest (Signed) · Date: 07/10/12 14:11 · For: Chapter 2
“Back to my inability to get shagged. Do you have anything nice to say?

So entertained by this story. It really is different than any other Remus & Lily story because your dialogue is so much fun to read!!

I squealed very loud receiving your email this morning. It gave me so much hope that you're still noticing that people love your stories.


Name: badboysarebest (Signed) · Date: 07/08/12 8:05 · For: Chapter 3
So in love with this fic. Wish you had finished it

Name: badboysarebest (Signed) · Date: 07/08/12 7:53 · For: Chapter 1 - Lily Goes Lightly
“Remus Lupin you are VERY …” She seemed lost for words.

“Very what, Lily? Pathetic? Stupid?”

“Oh, you're stupid, alright. But I was looking for some word that would indicate I'd been “itchy and twitchy for you before yesterday. Mind you, you and a few others, but since…. I tried... trust me, Remus, I am wanting you. YOU! So my question is…” She walked boldly up to him, her voice quavering only a fraction, “Can I have you?”

She reached out tentatively and put her hand on his chest with a bold awkwardness. “And when you're absolutely done, will you talk to me, and listen to me, and help me figure out just what this is? Would you?”

“For the two weeks till everyone comes back, you mean? For the two weeks until you have a few more options?”

“And you have a few more? I was thinking until we've figured it out, or gotten tired of each other, or even...”

“It was just sex, Lily,” he tried.

“Really? Is that why you were so upset? So offended? So angry that I might have been sharing the wealth?”

“Lily, I've had sex, and...” He had absolutely no idea that his right hand, grasping the curtains next to him, bid fair to bring them down at any moment, was white knuckled, and starting to cramp.

I can't begin to tell how so in love I am with your story. Your humor is priceless. Some of the best that I have ever read. Wish I could beg you to write more.

Name: milopie (Signed) · Date: 01/20/11 22:56 · For: Chapter 3
I love this! It's really well written, and so adorable, and I feel like you've characterized them all really well. I see from your previous comments that you're planning on continuing, but you haven't updated in more than a year. What's going on? Please continue!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review! *blushes at word "adorable"* I do plan on continuing. I've got about five irons in the fire right now, but perhaps I'll add this one - it has certainly waited long enough. I can't thank you enough for finding it and reviewing!

Name: lrsgreenleaf (Signed) · Date: 05/13/10 23:47 · For: Chapter 3
Glad Remus has someone worthy of him. James was an idiot for so long...I always wondered how Lily and Remus didn't get together. Cannot wait to read more.

Name: sihamlakchiri (Signed) · Date: 10/01/09 3:22 · For: Chapter 3
you are an excellent writer. i want more.

Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you! I have some stuff to send to the beta, so more will be coming... *coughs* I do have some other stories as well... (very big grin)

Name: Sainyn Swiftfoot (Signed) · Date: 09/28/09 12:15 · For: Chapter 3

Wow, Thea, that was wonderful. I liked the emotions, I liked the sex, I liked the entire thing.

Morning in winter, and the ground not covered with snow, but cold and grey

I have to say, this starting threw me off. I had to read it once or twice more to exactly understand. Perhaps you could structure the sentence in a slightly different way, so that it's less confusing?

The way you set up Lily and Remus' affair is very nice. I can see two fifteen-year olds, wondering about sex and wanting it, and all this happening. I wonder if Lily would be quite that promiscuous, but I suppose there is no evidence to the contrary, either.

I can't say you've exactly avoided cliches here-- bedwetting Peter, ladiesman!Sirius and Peter not really belonging with the Marauders, but they don't really harm the story either. They make it more interesting, on the contrary. Contraceptive potions is a thing that a lot of authors use to let their characters have a good romp with no consequences, and it's something that irks me to no end. A contraceptive spell on Hogwarts, on the other hand, isn't that improbable. I suppose there always will be things that JKR never did talk about Hogwarts, eh?

I like your characterisation of both Remus and Lily. Remus is insecure-- something likely, what with him being a werewolf and being poor. I like that Remus is definitely part of the Marauders, but not as close as James and Sirius.

Lily, as I said before, felt a tad too promiscuous to me. But even though she seemed to know everything there was to know about sex, I could see her insecurity and inexperience. Nice.

The first chapter was hilarious. I liked Lily moving in on Remus slowly, and Remus', erm, observations about Lily. This line, in particular, made me laugh:

She leaned back, and her robe fell open further, thrusting her, er, shirt into prominence.

The chapter ended on a very titillating end, and yet it didn't seem vulgar or obscene. You were toeing the line, a very thin and precarious line, but you didn't fall on either side-- you neither went into too much detail nor did you just gloss over the entire thing with the strangest of euphemisms. (I've seen both happening in other works of fiction, I swear)

Moving on to the second chapter, I'm glad it picked off immediately where the previous one left off, instead of having those ubiquitous two asterisks that could symbolise that something had happened while it could symbolise at the same time that nothing had happened.

I was a little confused, however, by several things that happened later in the chapter. First of all, you say

The night before had been a hard transformation, and he was tired.

But didn't he spend most of the night with Lily? When then did he transform? I'm assuming here that you're talking about his werewolf transformation, though it could easily be something else and I'd be headdesking here.

Both Remus and Lily's emotions after the incident were very well shown, both by their speech and their actions. The argument was done very well. I like Remus trying to be hard and cold, yet hoping that he wasn't blushing.

This may just be my thickness speaking again, but I wasn't sure at all about what you were driving at with the “other side of it” comment. By Remus' and Lily's successive comment, I assumed that you were talking about Remus' sexuality, but I wasn't really sure. I also had to read over the “Did you just – not mind with me?” part again to understand, but that was entirely because I hadn't paid enough attention-- I thought Remus had said that. >.<

Sirius' owl was very funny, and Sirius' voice just shone through xD The end of the chapter led steadily onto the next, what with the Quidditch and mentions of Edwyn and stuff.

At the start of the next chapter, the part from Lily's PoV seemed a bit random, to be honest. Everything else is from Remus' point of view, and suddenly, a part of a chapter was in Lily's point of view... I liked the scene, with her guessing whose bed which is, just by looking at them, but it seemed a little pointless to me. Moreover, were the four the only Gryffindors that year? If they weren't, then wouldn't there be a bed for the fifth or sixth people?

Both the OC's and McGonagall were characterised very well. The Quidditch was written very well, as was the scene immediately after. Sitting at the Slytherin table- ingenious!

Well, and if you do, we’ll just miss you is all,” said Lily with finality.

“They’re both nice.” Lily was saying, as she and Remus walked up to the library together after dinner. “I can see why he’s a major heartthrob.”

Two things here. First of all, I'm not sure whether what Lily says first is a grammatical error or if you'd voluntarily written it that way. “we'll just miss you is all” sounds weird, and I don't think it's entirely correct either. Now if you were wanting to emulate how people spoke that time, it's an entirely different thing and I have no experience there. Also, I think there should be some sort of seperator between the first paragraph and the second quoted here. Some time has passed between them, and to make that more obvious and less jarring, you should put two asterisks or something. :D

Remus' reason for not joining the Quidditch team is very believable. I can definitely see him being insecure about him being poor and not wanting Sirius or Remus to spend money on him. The ending scene was very well done, I loved their conversation. It was incredibly sweet. McGonagall butting in on them was also a very nice humourous touch.

To wrap this mammoth review up, I really enjoyed this fic. I'm looking forward to the next chapters. :D

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/12/09 19:40 · For: Chapter 3
I told you I'd come by for a review - sorry it took me so long! Good chapter, and I love cliffhangers! I think the dialogue here is really good - very natural and snappy, teasing and fun. You've given Lily a really nice, warm character and paired her with Lupin very naturally (which I think I might have said before.) I like reading stories like this because it makes me wonder and anticipate all sorts of things: will Remus tell her about being a werewolf? Or will she find out some other way? How will she react? And what about James?? You obviously don't have to answer those questions but a good story gets the readers asking them. :) Good luck as you continue with these two lusty lovebirds! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I'm glad it has got you asking questions! I'm not letting them get bedsores though - there's going to be a mix of types of fun and angst in their future...And James...too bad I can't do what I'd like and just eviscerate him in the courtyard...but he's going to have a decent moment here and there... Thanks for the good wishes!

Name: Spottedcat (Signed) · Date: 07/04/09 1:26 · For: Chapter 3
Well, now I'm curious as to what happens next. Lily's got a secret? Hmmm...

Author's Response: No, Lily doesn't. McGonagall does, but it won't be one for long. At least not to these four. they don't spread it around much, because they are asked not to. So what does that equal? Remus has THREE secrets. Poor Kid.

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 07/03/09 5:08 · For: Chapter 3
YAY! A new chapter. This was interesting and I loved the introduction of the two new characters. Remus and Lily see to go so well togther - darn that James he'll get in the way, but at least he can console himself with Tonks in years to come.

One particular paragraph had me sighing (unable to speak for her sweetness) and then giggling like mad. He couldn’t help it, they were in sight of the library doors, but he couldn’t help himself, he pulled her in close and held her tightly against him, unable to speak for her sweetness. Thus it was that McGonagall, coming up behind him, didn’t see Lily’s smaller form in front until she was upon them, and calling, “Mr. Lupin, do you know where I can find Miss – oh, I can see that you do.” Poor Remus, he's always so embarrassed

I do love the way you write, Thea. It's very natural and fun. Carole xxx .

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I am quite gratified to see that my two OC's are well received. Poor things, there is much tragedy in store for them, I will say no more. I felt that Remus and Lily needed a bit of a community that was not their norm, and also, that they will need friends in the future... I think Remus is a sweet soul, and responds to the sweetness in Lily. And I just could not resist giving McGonagall that line. I can hear Maggie Smith saying it in my head. He just has no experience in these things, and a rather skewed view of what people like McGonagall will think. This chapter has actually been written and beta'd for over a month - it was held up by a sock in progress. In my defense, it was a Gryffindor sock I owed to another HP fan and I couldn't in good conscience post this till I got it done. However, my knitting calender is cleared, and hopefully the next chapter will not take as long! Thanks again,especially for the general comment about my writing!

Name: yoyoyoyo (Signed) · Date: 07/01/09 10:19 · For: Chapter 3
I love the story...
It is very good...
The scenario is actually very possible, and is cleverly written.
In teh dark about what?
I wish there were a few more chapters to read write now.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing, and I am glad you like it! There will be more. I'm not sure how many chapters in specific, but quite a bit more happens. And the dark - Mwahaha....

Name: kumydabookworm (Signed) · Date: 06/06/09 17:49 · For: Chapter 2
Thea! This was absolutely titillating. *ahem* :D You did a beautiful job. Anyway, let me get right to my thoughts on this chapter.

I absolutely loved your characterization of Remus AND Lily. Especially in their fight, they seem like such TEENAGERS, and I know how difficult it is to make a character sound like an age that you're not. (My 5 year old characters always end up using words like 'comprehensive' and 'altruistic.' >.>) I'm impressed that you accomplished it SO well! They alternate between being unsure of themselves and headstrong.

I even loved the glimpse of Sirius we saw in that note he sent to Remus; he seems so cocky and, actually, quite like the pureblood we very rarely remember he is--he has an inbred snobbiness to him, I think (oh, I won't need this owl so you can have him instead, etc, etc).

Your use of prose is beautiful--the words seem to trip over themsleves off the tongue (or rather off the eyes, since I don't useually read aloud). The description, the dialogue, the phrasing of everything--the diction is elegant, gorgeous, magnificent. As much as the plot, the technical quality of the writing you're producing adds to the story so much that it in fact makes me want to keep reading!

On the subject of plot, I'm missing one critical component. Remus and Lily go from being completely off-track--leaving after their interlude together and not seeing or speaking to each other--to completely on-track in a relationship. After their one big fight in this chapter, they fall right into a comfort zone where I imagine only couples with a ridiculous amount of chemistry or a long time together would have.

I hope you're continuing the slight fights as the chapters progress, because things can't be this pat and easy for Remus and Lily. But even if you do, I STILL think the plot in this chapter itself needs a few more rough edges. Couples with as little backstory as you've shown--they've been Prefects together and they seem to say hello to each other upon sight, but your story hasn't shown them being good friends or anything--couples with that little of a backstory shouldn't be this easy around each other yet. They should still be a little unsure of how the other kisses, which side the other likes in bed, still covering up a bit around each other, etc.

I hope this small critique makes sense. Again, your language use and characterization is just GORGEOUS! I loved this chapter and can't wait to read more!!! *hug*

Name: kumydabookworm (Signed) · Date: 05/30/09 15:07 · For: Chapter 1 - Lily Goes Lightly
Thea darling, I’ll just run through the various aspects of this story and what I like, don’t like, etc. Let me know on AIM if you have any questions, love. *hug*

Alright! First and foremost, your characterization of Remus is very intriguing. The run-on sentences, the interrupting thoughts separated by dashes, the sort of introspective reflection that is his entire narrative at the start of the story makes him seem bookish, nearly like a Ravenclaw, I would venture. I was thinking about warning you not to make him seem that way, but you took care of the problem later on when Lily made an appearance. Suddenly, Remus has some sort of (still vague and tentative, but definitely existent) courage. It’s definitely not the wolf inside of him; it’s the Gryffindor. I loved that characterization.

I’m still a little vague on Lily; you haven’t really had time to develop her. You’ve put her on a pedestal because teenage boys are apt to do that, so that’s all well and good. But you also make her a touch bit promiscuous (no undergarments? Tsk, tsk!), impatient (with Remus’ understanding of mononucleosis), demanding (I told you to touch me, didn’t I?) and needy. It’s a delicious combination. I can’t wait to see more…very interesting thusfar.

The snatching glimpse of James when he makes that snide remark to Peter is lovely. Though you indulge in the clich that Sirius attracts all women, you don’t let Peter be a pathetic wimp—he gets to snog that Hufflepuff. So, yes, the characterization is rather brilliant as is the narrative technique and use of Remus’ point of view to develop the plot a bit.

I also really loved the dialogue. You take care to make it seem smooth, intersperse it with thoughts here and there, and it’s really got a beautiful flow, especially the banter between Remus and Lily. The description in the—hmm, how should I say this?—sexual part of the chapter is brilliant…very…oh yes. :) Saying just enough but not too much, not distasteful.

The only nitpick I have is that Lily’s “Touch me” comes out of nowhere. I’m sure this is a mystery that you will soon explain, but it seems as though they’re talking about Arithmancy one moment and she’s falling into his arms the next.

Can’t wait to read the next chapter! Lovely job with this one. *hug*

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 05/19/09 10:55 · For: Chapter 2
*Laughs rather a lot and very loudly.* Ah, this is a good chapter. That delicious awkwardness after the deed is done. For one moment I wasn't sure if it was slash or onanism he was indulging in, and then I realised it was both - ha ha. Having lived opposite a boys' boarding school for my formative teenage years, it certainly rang very true.

Enjoyed the chapter, had a giggle and am looking forward to the rest.

Nice one, Thea.
love Carole xxx

Name: Vindictus Viridian (Signed) · Date: 04/20/09 13:49 · For: Chapter 1 - Lily Goes Lightly
*might yet die laughing*

Name: Cheshlin (Signed) · Date: 04/18/09 21:41 · For: Chapter 1 - Lily Goes Lightly
This is a very interesting take on Lily and Remus. I really enjoyed what you have up so far. I think that you have stayed away from many stereotypes so far. I also love how Peter got some snogging action, when Remus hasn't up to this point. :)

I did find one small typo. . . You forgot a quote around “Thought I was alone in the tower this vacation, whoever you are! Mentally he was going through a list of Slytherins he suspected had some inside track to the Gryffindor passwords, the inside track quite possibly being Eleanor.


Author's Response: Oh, Cyns, thank you so much for the review! I'll have to add that punctuation - thanks! Peter always was full of surprises...mwahahaha....

Name: Spottedcat (Signed) · Date: 04/18/09 0:29 · For: Chapter 1 - Lily Goes Lightly
Monosarus! Hey, I had that once!

But seriously, I like Lily and Remus together. Very good!

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