I could feel the shock that Severus must have felt when he saw James and Lily come past the barrier together. I'll bet his heart was broken. The emotional pain and shock of seeing that sent him to the Death Eaters for sure.
Author's Response: Well, I think he was halfway there anyway. He was already fascinated way before Lily was seeing James. Thank you.
:( *sniff sniff*
Poor Severus. And to think that he would've done anything for her. Talking to his mum like that wasn't very nice, although he did have a pretty decent reason. I thought that it was interesting that he stopped when he recognised his father in himself, as it shows a sense of distaste or maybe even hatred for his father.
Although in the last bit, Lily appears to be different from the modest and mature girl that Severus remembered from the riverbank. She seems more carefree and reckless and more 'Gryffindor' (if that can be used as an adjective).
Sirius is being cheeky as usual, but I found it amusing when Regulus cheeked him back, because it gave Regulus a stronger side. To me, he is usually just an easily led child who finds himself struggling to get out of deep water, but the Regulus who can maintain the act that he has no brother when he knows that is what will infuriate Sirius most is a Regulus far more capable of tracking down and attempting to destroy a Horcrux.
So lastly I will say that I am going to have to R&R another one (or maybe two) of your stories to cheer me up now...
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. Wow, this was one of my very first fics on the site. I'd almost forgotten it, although I remember very clearly the image at the end of James and Lily nearly missing the train.
I think the girl Snape remembers was not the real Lily. He does seem to idealise her and saw what he wanted to see, rather than who she was. At fourteen she might not have been interested in boys, although I think it was more that she wasn't interested in him - ha.
Yeah, he was rude to his mother, but then I think they were a pretty miserable family. *sigh*
Thanks again ~Carole~
This is especially sad to me. Since book 7, when all was revealed, Snape's been one of my favorite characters, and it just saddens me to no end that he never got the one thing he wanted: requited love from Lily. And, although this really has nothing to do with this story, it also bothers me to try and figure out what happened to him in the afterlife. I know there are several stories out there to answer that, but none of them are really.... plausible, I guess, and I don't enjoy them. The truth is, I highly doubt he was ever truly happy, even in the afterlife. Anyways, this story was short, but very true to the books. Good job :)
Author's Response: OOOH, I have written a Snape in the Afterlife fic. It's highly implausible, but I had to write it for a Challenge. It's called Peace in Heaven, I think. (very sad that I can't remmeber off the top of my head - ooops). I agree, though, that I don't think Snape was ever 'happy' but I think he found some degree of peace and contentment. He'd probably make amends with Lily, who would force James to be nice, and then he could argue with Sirius. And there's always Albus to talk to. Um, thanks for the review ~Carole~
Cute! I have to say I am partial to the Marauders and love to see Lily and James together... ;-)
Author's Response: I'm certainly no SevGirl. James and Lily are my OTP, so I always like writing them together. Thank you for the review -Carole~
Oh my gosh, this story is sooooooooo good, why is it only one chapter? I love everything you put into it, the characters were dead on, i loved the dialogue and banter. Are you going to add to it? PLEASE say yes! By the way, I also love the Lions of Gryffindor, but this one feels cut short. I hope you continue with it...
Author's Response: Oh, ummm, well it was a oneshot written for a challenge, so I can't see me adding anymore to it. It kinda fits with Lions of Gryffindor - just from Snape's perspective. If inspiration strikes then maybe I'll do some more from his viewpoint, but theMarauders take up a lot of my time ... Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Carole xxx
Interesting one-shot, Carole. The narration is tastefully done and the story reads fluent. I enjoyed reading it. Also, you characterised Severus and his misery nicely, and I could clearly picture the entire scene. Great job. And now I feel so sorry for Sev… *sniffles*
A few nitpicks though:
At the beginning, you hyphenated “Mudblood”, and in the sentence “So, Severus,” he said, “Did you hear about my O.W.L.s?, the continuation of speech needs to be in lower case. And I think you got confused over the Black brothers in the sentence Stunned to be included in a conversation, Severus began to congratulate him, aware nevertheless that Regulus Black was barely listening.. When Regulus was talking to Sev, how can he be the one listening into their conversation? Shouldn’t that be Sirius?
All in all, nice one-shot. Loved it.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Bine. I shall deal with the punctuation lapse and the Mudblood hyphen. This was written so long ago, I guess I forgot. No, I got the right brother. Severus is congratulating him, but is aware that Regulus isn't actually listening. Regulus only spoke to Severus to wind up Sirius - he's not actually interested in his replies. Thanks again. Carole xxx
For someone who doesn't like Severus Snape, you did an excellent job with this Carole! *squishes*
Now, that is angst!Teen!Severus. I wonder how you would write Professor Snape.
Keep up the great work... Man, I didn't realise how many stories you have up... *shakes head*
Author's Response: EEEP! I never responded to your review, young Allieatrix. Thank you! I'm pleased you like it, especially as I know what a fan you are of Snape, so your opinion matters a lot. I do write Professor Snape in my Tonks fic, by the way. He's not the main focus but he's definately there (and about to turn up again). Thanks for reviewing. Carole xxx
Oh, poor abandoned Severus! Even the attention he gets, he gets because he isn't somebody else. It would be quite the reason for him to truly get involved with the Death Eaters. They pay more attention to him than anyone else does!
I must copy Akay and compliment the tension between Snape and his mother. It's always an interesting thing... Snape has learned a disrespect for Muggle-borns, etc., but his mum DID marry a Muggle. I think you've captured that inconsistency quite well here.
I'm a little uncertain about the timing of James & Lily's relationship here. The way Lupin & Sirius tell Harry that his parents started dating in their 7th year makes me think they wouldn't be a couple yet when they got aboard the train. Still, it's a nit-picky, personal preference kind of complaint.
That's a fantastic image of Sirius you have, and I like the tension between the Black brothers.
All in all, WELL DONE!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review. I really appreciate it.
I agree the timing's a bit off with James and Lily - given what Sirius and Remus tell Harry - but I needed a very definite end to Severus' hopes. I'm glad you enjoyed the story - it was actually the first oneshot I ever wrote so I'm fond of it. Carole xxx
I took your small one-shot in two parts. Two parts that have their own significant standing.
She had slapped him hard around the face; he’d raised his hand intent on retaliation. However, there was something about her shock, her cowering in front of him and his stance that reminded him strongly of his father. He had lowered his hand and stormed out into the night.
First off, wow. The 'had' narration, I believe this is the past perfect tense, really annoys me. But the tension here surpassed any grammatical pet peeve of mine. This is such a natural and relatable moment that reading this my heart pounds with Snape's emotions. You very cleverly bring to the readers' focus this particular memory. But it is so powerful, I stopped a few seconds to read a few things between the line.
Severus Snape watched from the window as James lifted a giggling Lily onto the train.
Uff! Carole, the heart break you inflict.
But spectacular again. I love you for your succint description here. Because it left me uncontended. And I refer to briefness not just in the word count but the portryal of Lily and James relationship. Lily has embraced heaven while Snape suffers through hell. Oh my. *closes eyes and dreams*
Okay and I cannot leave without commenting on this:
Suddenly, he was knocked to one side as a trolley barged through the barrier. Sitting atop three trunks was Sirius Black. A cloak fashioned from a large Gryffindor flag flowed from his shoulders. He looked, if possible, even more handsome, even cooler and even more reckless. Pushed by Remus and Peter, the trolley came to a halt in front of a gaggle of girls some of whom were applauding as Sirius leapt off the trolley. He looked across to his parents and gave them a mock salute.
You! I wonder sometimes WHO you are more smitten with! Sirius or Remus. You have to leave something devilishly handsome for us to write about Sirius too, you know.
Loved it. A job well done.
Author's Response: Lily has embraced heaven while Snape suffers through hell. - I bow to your phraseology here, Akay. That sentence was beautiful. Thank you for an AMAZING review. It's made my heart leap!
Past perfect tense - yeah, you could be right, it's a bit clumsy looking but it happened to fit that particular set of sentences because he was reliving it. I wonder sometimes WHO you are more smitten with! Sirius or Remus. I don't know either. :D
Thank you again. Carole xxx