I loved this poem!!! Thanks for posting in my Avril thread btw. Talk to you soon--
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it and I hope I helped with your character. See you around on MNFF!
Loved the poem, first one i have read on here i an like it very much indeed, scares me a bit...But i am sooo glad he killed the snake in the end!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Hmm, I didn't really mean it to be frightening. Anyway, thanks for the review!
This poem is absolutely wonderful. I love the way you keep using the words "Kill the snake.", it creates some sort of rhythm.
I have to agree with Gmariam though-- the two long lines in the middle really throw the flow/rhythm off. Other than that, though, the poem is really wonderful. I like the way Neville's thoughts are all portrayed-- his indecision, then trying to convince himself and then his time of glory.
Your rhyme pattern is AABB (disregarding the 'chorus' of Kill the snake., but that rhyme scheme is not present here: I have my chance/I'd rather burn than join this fate. If you could make those two lines rhyme, it would be wondrous.
Just an idea-- while reading the poem, I felt that after the last stanza, that is 'For all out sakes/ I must kill the snake.', you could add "Kill the snake!" once more, to create some sort of symmetry-- you started the poem with those words and you're ending it with those words. It would also seem like some sort of war cry-- saying that, he cuts Nagini's head off. But it's just an idea of mine, you don't need to implement it if you don't want to... :)
On the whole though, a very good poem, with an amazing idea. And a very nicely made banner, I must add :-P
Author's Response: Hi BB! I must thank you again for the banner, you modest child. No, seriously, the banner's great! I'm glad you liked the poem. It's so weird that everyone likes this poem that I wrote at 11 o' clock at night to fulfill a deadline! I like your idea of adding "Kill the snake!" to the end, although I'm not sure I'll use it. Thanks again for both the banner and the review!! ~M_W
Nice poem! I love the idea of the repeating line, it works great. The lines in between were good as well but a few of them were a bit longer than others and thew the rhythm off. I missed the rhyme in the last two of these - chance and fate - so I'd suggest retooling the end a bit, just to clean it up. I love the last two lines, though, so I'd just tweak the ones before them, if that makes sense. And the reviewer who suggested turning this into a one-shot had a great idea! Good luck with your writing, poetry or prose! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I agree that the rhythm was a bit funky, and I'll go back and clean it up a bit. And the rhyme with fate is mistake in the penultimate stanza. Chance had no rhyme. :) And I will definitely think about turning this into a one-shot- when I have the time and the muse. Thank you for the review! ~M_W
Hi there :D
I couldn't resist reading this after seeing your banner on the forums! I love the idea of your poem - Neville's chance to prove himself a true Gryffindor. You've got talent, I have to say. I like your rhyming skills! The only problem I could see was rhythm and you can easily improve on that! Hope that didn't sound mean... Anyway, you're good and I hope to see more from you in the future; maybe getting better every time :)
Author's Response: Hello! I knew the beautiful banner would attract people to read it! I must thank BB again... I'm glad everyone liked the poem- I wrote it at like, 11 at night because I had to meet the deadline for Poetry Anyone on the boards. I guess it's true- you're most creative at night because that's when your Muse is a-partying. I did see problems with the rhythm, but I couldn't bother myself to fix them because I am a lazy monkey. Thank you for the review and I hope to see more from me in the future too! (I think my Muse is on a haitus...) ~M_W
Hello my lovely!
I absolutely love this poem! My goodness - I wish I was as talented. Honestly.
Absolutely stunning. Well done! xx
Author's Response: Hey Holly! I'm glad you liked it. I feel so warm and fuzzy that someone is jealous of my talent-- it seriously blows my mind. :D ~M_W
I like the rhythm, and I like that at the end you take out the "kill the snake" bit. The titles intriguing. My favorite is probably the first three lines, esp "Why bother? Soon we'll all be dead." Neville is so brave :) Great job
Author's Response: Aww, thanks so much. It means so much to have reviews saying they liked my poem. I agree Neville is brave, and I hope to write more of him. Thanks again for the review!! ~M_W
I couldn't resist when I saw your banner - no reviews! How terribly sad. I love getting reviews too!
I love the title and the banner - I am not much of a poet, nor a poetical connoisseur, but I will do my best, as did Neville. The body of the poem, intermixed with the refrain ("kill the snake") gave it a rhythm that I liked. The last six lines gain intensity from the absence of the refrain - very well done. I felt like it took me into Neville's thoughts as he steeled himself to face Voldemort.
I must admit to a little disappointment that this wasn't a one shot. I'd like to propose to you the challenge of turning it into one. I would enjoy seeing even deeper into Neville's thoughts as he braced himself, the brave Gryffindor, having realized that courage is not so much an innate quality as a commitment to stand up to your own fears.
Very good job, and I am looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Aww, thanks so much! I realize I do very much like getting reviews. They make me happy inside. :) I am amazed with BB's work, because it totally encompasses the theme! And it draws attention to my baby. I will definitely try to turn this into a one-shot, because I love Neville very much and would like to write more of him. Thanks for reading and reviewing!! ~M_W