Reviewer: EmmyT
Date: 11/13/10 12:21
Chapter: Didn't I See You Smilin'?

I'm a huge fan of romance, and this story fits the mark perfectly. Short, sweet and beautiful, with a little music mixed in!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: GinnyPotterFan26
Date: 04/15/10 23:21
Chapter: Didn't I See You Smilin'?

It's okay to use contractions sometimes (especially in dialogue). "He has insulted us" just sounds...odd.

But I thought it was a cute story.

Author's Response: Thank you.

Reviewer: Vittoria
Date: 04/14/09 23:09
Chapter: Didn't I See You Smilin'?

Though I'm not the person to read romance, I found this story very well written indeed. The romance was not overdone and I like the rational line of thought which Rose took. Usually I'm put off by cheesy lines like "I want you" and stuff, but somehow, the lines seemed to fit in here.

Nice one!

Author's Response: Thank you, Vittoria. :)

Reviewer: inspirations
Date: 04/13/09 7:06
Chapter: Didn't I See You Smilin'?

Well, Bine, I can’t resist Rose/Scorpius, so I love this. It’s a sweet take on the pairing, and you’ve written it really well.

What I liked most about this story though, is the memories from Rose’s PoV that are interwoven throughout the story. They’re all simple and brief, but it’s like a subplot to the graduation party, as it shows how their relationship progressed through all the key events. Although I would say that the first one confused me a bit, because you don’t mention a cousin until he stands up, and I wasn’t sure where exactly he was. If you know what I mean. :/

Except for him.

I have to say, isolating that line is really effective. It’s short, to the point, but having it on its own really emphasises what it’s saying.

[…] on this party. […] to powder her nose or she’s outside on the grounds […]

Well, I’m going to be really nit-picky about that line, and say the ‘on’s would work better as ‘in’s. I think.

Scorpius felt refreshed instantly […] definitely fresh air hitting his face

I love this line because it addresses that sense well, but you repeat ‘fresh’, and repetition distracts me when I read. Maybe change ‘refreshed’ to ‘revitalised’ or something like that? Then it is essentially the same.

‘You’re welcome,’ […] any distraction she welcomed […] She held up her hand for him to shake.

You repeat ‘welcome’ there. And I’d say ‘held out her hand’ unless he’s really much taller than she is, but as they’re eleven at this point, I find it doubtful that he would be.

With the first tunes of the song - the first ‘beats’ of the song, maybe? ‘Tunes’, to me, indicates a short, but whole, song.

homework can only last as long - ‘last so long’

and winked her while - ’winked at her’

She had an own microphone - ‘her own’

Scorpius face lit up - you need an apostrophe after ‘Scorpius’.

Sorry for being so nit-picky. >.> I do that.

Otherwise, the lyrics weave really very beautifully into the story, and I loved your changed ones :D Oh - and your descriptions of the dance floor were love. I could imagine all the kids dancing, and coming together.

Good work. xx

Author's Response: Aww, thank you, Spire, for the fantastic Easter egg. *hugs*

As for the first flashback: That was on Rose and Scorpius' first train ride. Scorpius asked if he could sit in the compartment. And I didn't need to mention James before he stood up because Rose knew he was there and needn't acknowledge it earlier. Besides, the flashbacks are from Rose's POV.

As for the nitpicks: They help making the story better, so don't feel bad about being nitpicky. And about the "on this party", I just remembered that it should actually be "at this party". :p The other suggestions I took on board.

Thanks again for this fabulous review. :]

Reviewer: snivellicious
Date: 03/19/09 18:37
Chapter: Didn't I See You Smilin'?

too cute!

Author's Response: Thanks.

Reviewer: Darkness Enshrouds
Date: 03/18/09 15:29
Chapter: Didn't I See You Smilin'?

Adorable! The song is one of my favorites, and I love how wonderfully you weaved it in here. Fabulous! :D

Author's Response: Thank you!

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