I like it. Nice song choice, and I love the "prop". Heels on Tonks I imagine would look weird with her pink hair. Shoulda had her change her hair like a lime green! That would have looked good. All in all, nice plot.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I didn't think about coordinating the hair and the shoes - good point. ~Carole~
That was so cool! The beginning pulled me in, and it had me locked in until the end! The whole thing about Metamorphmagi being a threat to the statue of secrecy never actually occurred to me until now, and now that I think about it, that would be a real problem! I really love that song as well, it was like a little tiny firework seeing those lyrics! I really liked the fact that Tonks didn't have to cry repeatedly to get Remus. This fic was an absolute delight!
Author's Response: Oh, I dislike weeping and wailing Tonks. She was an Auror for Merlin's sake and didn;t spend all her time crying - LOL. I know she was depressed in HBP, but she was also determined. Thank you very much for the review. I have a chaptered fic up concerning this pair (Apparently Asleep) - you might like that. Thanks again ~Carole~
Love this, I'm addicted to your version of Remus and Tonks!
Author's Response: Thank you very much. This was one of the first things I wrote for the site and it was before Apparently Asleep. It was supposed to slide into AA but that story ran away from me - hee hee - so I left it as a one shot. Ooops, I'm getting carried away in my response. Thank you ~Carole~
Carole, I just found this by way of the shiny new Hufflepuff library. I'm so glad I did, too. I had never considered Tonks' childhood, that she might have to be hidden or contained because of her abilities. Is any of this background in canon, or did you work it all out? I assume the latter, and I find it plausible, and frankly, quite brilliant. What an interesting way to connect Tonks' experience to Remus'. His werewolf arguments would hold little merit to her in these circumstances.
I also liked how she pressed him after his initial rejection. "I just want to know why the hell not?" And then again when she says it's only a dance and a kiss... it seems very like canon for her to not think ahead and be more reckless about the implications while Remus is overanalytical and worried.
I enjoyed this very much. Was this your first Remus/Tonks?
Author's Response: Hi Lori, Yes, it was my first Remus/Tonks. It inspired Apparently Asleep and this was supposed to slip seamlessly into that fic, but AA ttok on a whole new life. Tonks' background isn't canon, but I got to thinking that Metamorphmagi were unable to control themselves as babies, so what on earth would they be like as two year olds in a tantrum?! The views of Narcisa and Bellatrix on a metamorphmagus in the family, I also made up. I honestly have no idea whether they'd think it contamination or not, but I explore this much furthur in Apparently Asleep. Thanks for the review ~Carole~
You certainly start this fic out with a bit of action, which helps to pull the reader into the fic. I liked how you added the part where Remus is jealous of how Crabbe is looking at Tonks. I don’t like it when authors make Remus completely stoic and emotionless, and Tonks is the one who has to weep and cry through the entire fic to get even one little ounce of recognition from Remus. I like how you give Remus a very vulnerable and emotional personality where his calm exterior is a really difficultly attained mask that he has trained himself to put on every day.
Tonks perked up. “Ta, Remus,” she said, grinning widely. She leant over and hugged him. He had a ridiculous urge to hug her back, ridiculous because it could lead to a place he couldn’t go to. So he froze instead. Tonks released him then looked at him meditatively.
I loved this paragraph because it shows how both Remus and Tonks feel for each other. Tonks, yet, doesn’t seem to have really recognized her feelings for Remus, but he obviously already is developing feelings for her. I always thought Remus would be the to develop feelings for Tonks first, and then, later, she would pick up on them. I appreciated that you wrote the fic that way. The dancing scene was also very cute, and you injected some really clever humor into the story when you mentioned James taught Remus to dance. The unexpected kiss and ensuing fight seemed like they came right from canon. I don’t think I need to mention this to you, Carole, but you write Tonks and Remus very well.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and so sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I'm pleased you liked my characterisation because I know how well you write Tonks. Ah, and I have a pair of red shoes at home so I often wear them to dance around my kitchen - LOL. Thanks again - Carole -
Ooh, Carole, what a simply lovely story! It started off really well, Remus and Tonks' relationship developed amazingly, and the ending was simply beautiful. If I was the mushy kind, I'd be bawling right now. I, however, am not, so I'm writing you a review.
Like I said before, the starting was amazing. I like how you don't really know why the Death Eater is after them or anything, and everything is slowly revealed through the story (Tonks stepping on the dustbin, and all that jazz). I have to disagree with Spire's point that you should use Tonks instead of the woman in the first sentence-- in your fic you don't seem to call characters by their name until someone else has called them so. Seeing as this is uniform throughout the rest of your fic, I don't think you should change it here.
I think that in a couple of places, punctuation was missing (especially commas), but nothing a thorough read over wouldn't fix. Like here: “They used to lock them up – or worse kill them,” she yelled, it could use a comma between worse and kill,I think. Or here: After all, it’s not normal to have a pink-haired child is it?, where in my opinion, you could insert a comma between pink-haired and is it?. :D
I found Remus' and Tonks' characterisation simply amazing. Looking at Remus first, everything he said, and everything that he did seemed just so Remus-like. His discomfort around Tonks, his fear about his werewolfishness... Everything was done really well.
And Tonks. Tonks seemed a lot like you, Carole, with the ta's and all that. (Or is it the other way around?) I suppose that people who preach against self-insertions in stories would be rather angered by your Tonks, but frankly speaking, I think it fits. Tonks does seem IC and I suppose that if both of you are more or less the same age, you know how people would speak then better than me, so I shall shut up. >.>
He whispered something and she felt a warmth seep into her, but he kept his arm around her. I was a bit confused here. Did Remus use a spell? I suppose that's the most obvious thing, but I was still left a bit confused. >.<
I like how you incorporated the song lyrics in the end-- and the fact that the song was actually playing in the scene made it a lot better. The lyrics you chose fit perfectly, and the story and the lyrics flowed effortlessly. Good work.
She turned her flat black boots into red leather shoes, complete with a five inch stiletto heel. Hmm, I have to wonder about this line, though. If it was so easy to transfigure stuff, why would Ron and co. have terrible robes and dress robes? Why would Remus have shabby clothes? I'm sorry, but this part sounded a little implausible, in my opinion. >.<
I loved the humour in this piece. I liked how you took a common English saying What's that got to do with the price of fish? And Potter-ified it. Awesome, and funny. “I’m not asking for your life, Remus Lupin, just a dance and a kiss!” She snarled at him. This part was funny as well, though I'm quite sure the s in she shouldn't be capitalised. “That’s definitely me – falling over,” said Tonks, as he dipped her towards the floor. That has got to be one of my favourite lines from the fic-- it's funny, it's sweet, and it's definitely very IC. :D
In conclusion, I have to say that I really enjoyed this fic. You are a very talented writer, and you're amazing at characterising these two and making their relationship seem plausible. Awesome. :D
Author's Response: Thank-you for such an amazing review, BB. Hmm, where shall I start with my response? Okay, right Tonks with her 'Ta's' and such like. You're right, I do identify with her (ay yi yi I think I'm a fictional character) but the fact is Tonks says Wotcher, which is a colloquialism. It's not a 'posh' pureblood type phrase and neither is 'ta', so I've kinda adopted it for her now as well. (I don't say Wotcher in real life, by the way)
The shoes. Mmm, I agree with you, now you've mentioned it. It's a bit too easy. However they do break, so perhaps that's why. Plus Ron would have been awful at fashion type spells; if he'd just allowed Ginny a look at his robes ... (okay digging self out of hole, but you get my point)
The capitalisation of She at She snarled. Can you snarl something? Hmm, I'm not sure, but you could be right. (I'm now trying to snarl things across the room --- ooooh, it's quite effective.) Oh, and Remus did use a spell to warm her up, but also kept his arm around her.
Thanks again for a fantastic review. Badgers really are the best. Carole xxx
Oooh, I really enjoyed this. I should really catch up with AA - I love your portrayal of Remus/Tonks. Anyway, this really showed us the struggle Dora goes through, and the depth to her. Her characterisation in this is kinda like an echo of what we saw in HBP, don’t you think?
I liked the passing mentions of the Marauders, and I’d never really thought about Sirius and Andromeda properly before. And, of course, Tonks’ reasoning for both of them being outcast is spot on. Name makes all the difference in the wizarding world, but it’s easy to overlook. It’s like blood-status, but for the better side, if you know what I mean. xD
I do have a few nit-picks:
“This way,” hissed the woman. “Remus, down here!” - I think this is a great hook, but I reckon it would be better as ‘hissed Tonks’. ‘The woman’ seems kinda unfamiliar and … cold, maybe. Do you know what I mean? Hm.
“I’m not asking for your life, Remus Lupin, just a dance and a kiss!” She snarled at him. - That would be funny if she wasn’t so angry with him :[ I don’t think ‘she’ should be capitalised.
“They used to lock them up – or worse kill them,” she yelled. - to emphasise that she’s yelling, it would be better with an exclamation mark - and it would read better too, probably. And punctuation is needed between ‘worse’ and ‘kill’, but I’m not sure what. It would sound better though. A comma, possibly?
Good work! x
Author's Response: Ahhhh, an 'inspirations' review' just what every badger craves! Seriously, thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you like this. This was a story that bored it's way into my head one day, when I was singing 'Let's Dance' in my kitchen. After I'd written it, I wrote Apparently Asleep and this was supposed to slot into it - but that story has run away from a simple first kiss.
So, onto the nitpicks. I wanted 'the woman' because I didn't want it too obvious that it was Tonks to start with. I know it's revealed in the next few lines, but I guess I write a lot of stuff this way. You're right about all the others and I shall amend. I'll probably leave the dash 'cause I like that. I want something to emphasize the the fact that Purebloods used to kill Metamorphmagi. I focus a bit more on Andromeda in AA especially her resemblance to Bellatrix.
PS- I've since bought myself a pair of red shoes so I can dance for real around my kitchen *snort*
Good point about Metamorphamagi. As dangerous as it is to have a potion that lets you become someone else, to have people able to alter their appearance at will is asking for trouble--think about the criminal uses of such a talent!
The story itself was a delight; well done, with the characters behaving canonically.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I've always thought how great it must be to be a Metamorphmagus, but then it struck me that Tonks would have to lead such a sheltered life because she'd barely be able to control it - especially as her hair was changing from one hour old.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story - I do try to stick to canon and canon behaviour.