i love it. it is a favourite now and it is brilliant! keep writing! i like the fact that you kept it simple but managed to fit so much into the story!
That was cute. I loved it. I've never thought of Cupid being intoxicated. I can see where his judgment went down the tubes. I wonder if George and Angelina ever needed a shot from Cupid's arrow.
This was extremely amusing. Who would have ever thought that ROMILDA VANE of all people would save the day? :)
Author's Response: Poor Romilda, she doesn't have much luck - ha ha. Thank you.
Hahaha xD Too funny. Poor Terry Boot! Serves him right, though. And I always wondered, how would you fall in love with an identical twin? I know Angelina/George is canon, as well as Angelina/Fred in GOF, but I always wondered, how would you go from liking one twin to the other? Aaaanyways, it was very cute and funny :)
Author's Response: I always see George as the slightly kinder twin, if that makes sense. He's the one that offers to help Harry with his trunk, and he's a fraction quieter than Fred, so I can see Angelina preferring him even if she doesn't quite know it when they're seventeen. Thanks for the review. ~Carole~
Loved this tale! I specially enjoyed the bits of dialogue (¨What are you doing, woman?-so TTC (true to character), but it didn´t hurt that it´s a remarkably well-written fic. And the ending! ... wondering if George kissed the same way as Fred... nice little prelude to the blunt
¨Oh, George, of course... I thought that was obvious!¨
Only regret... we didn´t get to read everyone´s reaction to Lily and her sworn enemy James´ fit of sudden snogging (if that´s how Cupid´s arrow manifested itself, of course!).
Author's Response: Thank you very much. Mmm, I wonder how Lily did react? I've always had a soft spot for George/Angelina because people tend to think she should have been with Fred. Thanks again ~Carole~
I love cupid that was so funny. It was the perfect story to lift up my day. So george is the perfect man for angelina huh? makes sence. I really like your way of writing, it is so belivable, and funny, and not over dramatic.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review (and all the reviews today!) This was a fun challenge and I liked writing Cupid very much. ~Carole~
Very funny and creative. Lovely story, brilliant read! :) Keep on writing!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I plan to keep on writing for as long as my laptop holds out. Carole xxx
What was it you said in the summary, Carole...?
I am not JK Rowling; I doubt you're surprised by that.
No, I’m sure it wouldn’t surprise us, but that’s because you have your own wonderful humourous voice which perfectly suited this story. Your writing is very matter-of-fact which makes this fic very funny – I love it.
The story moved along at a nice quick pace and was never dull, and the changing points of view worked smoothly (and really helped with the humour as well), but I thought the time jump between the third and fourth sections (‘two weeks later’) was a bit jarring. Was there a reason for the gap?
You captured Angelina very well, with her temper as Quidditch captain :) Of course, when she was infatuated with Terry she was crazily OOC – but I like that you retained her traits, such as the way she flares up at George calling Terry a prat. That helps keep her believable. Fred and George were also well-characterised – you got their speech just right. And then there’s Cupid and bumbling Godfrey. Heehee.
I like that you wove elements of mythology and canon into this story – everything from Venus and love potions to an appearance by Romilda (an underused character in fanfic if ever there was one!) and mention of Lily and James. It all comes together in a fic which was clearly very well thought out. All the detail really brings it to life and adds a sparkle like JKR’s writing has.
I have a few grammatical nitpicks:
“Tarry- a-while, young cherub [...]
^ Eek, typo. Remove the space after the first hyphen.
[...] well, you’re Angelina Johnson. Gorgeous, Angelina Johnson. [...]
^ No need for a comma after gorgeous.
“Well, Angelina will be broken hearted for a while,” Cupid replied.
^ Hyphenate broken-hearted.
I must admit, the first time I read this I wasn’t that keen on the ending, because you revealed who Angelina is ‘meant’ to be with. I thought it would be nicer to let the reader make up their mind. But I can completely understand you wanting to take the chance to have your say (:D) and now that I think about it, it works nicely with the books because it’s a long time before Angelina and George actually get together.
All in all, this was a nice, light little story that had plenty of surprises to keep the reader engaged, and your writing style was just perfect for it. Good job.
Author's Response: Thank you Chelsea,
I have to say I wondered about the ending too. I was going to leave it up in the air, but I was having a 'George and Angelina belong together' type moment - probably because everyone says 'She's Fred's girlfriend.' ha ha. Thank you for pointing out the typo's; I shall fix accordingly. Um, time lapse. I don't know why I wrote it as two weeks later, I think I had it in mind that the DA meetings weren't that close to when Harry, Gred and Forge got banned from the match.
Thank you again for thereview - I do love Badgers! Carole xxx
Cute and funny. Wonder who Boot is supposed to be with? I like the one-shots. Sometimes they can be more fun than the long stories but reading the long ones is always enjoyable
Author's Response: Ahhhh, only Cupid and perhaps Godfrey know who Terry should be with. However, I fear he'll never get over the fair Angelina! Ta for the review. Carole xxx
While this wasn't the funniest story ever, it was well worth the read. Thanks for writing itl
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad it was worth reading. *grins* Carole xxx
Heh heh... these stories do me good, you know that?
You're story may have been one of the cheesiest, silliest, weirdest stories ever... which of course, I was immediately attracted to and made it so darn awesome.
I would be interested to see you try more dramatic stories, though. To get well rounded, I suppose. If you already have, then be sure that I'll be reading that one too.
You have talents, my friend. This was a great one-shot, keep it up!
Author's Response: I have a few fics on the archives and they're more dramatic. Check out my Author page if you're interested. There's some Marauder things, a Tonks fic or two, a one shot (about George Weasley) and um...um... Oh yes, a song about my true love. Yes, this fic was cheesy, partly because it was written for a Valentine's Day Challenge but also because occasionally I do like the odd bit of chedder.
Thanks so much for the review - I do appreciate it.
I haven't been on MNFF for a while now but I'm really glad I stumbled on this adorable fic! It's rare that a fanfic makes me laugh or at the very least smile, but this had me grinning ear to ear from he start! Perhaps the fact that I've always had a soft spot for George helped - still, this story is going straight to my Favourites. Really well done, especially the last line, I really enjoyed it!
Author's Response: Oh, WOW! Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. Totally random pairings are a lot of fun to write so I'm pleased it was fun to read. You've just made my day. Beaming smile, Carole xxx
Your story was higly enjoyable.
The rattlesnake analogy was awesome! Kudos for that!
Godfrey was specially adorable! And having Cupid exclaim 'Jove!' instead of 'Merlin!' was a nice touch. As well as the reference to Venus! It would have been nice to add a reference to a faun ora nymph as well...
I liked Cupid's version of how Lily and James 'realized' they liked each other!! Really cool.
Cupid's final statement was amusing as well! It's soo funny that you used the twins, very fitting Cupid and his aprentice's confusion, since even Molly has a hard time differencing them sometimes!
Kudos to a lovely one shot!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for a lovely review. I'm glad you picked up on the 'Jove' instead of 'Merlin' as I quite liked that myself. Perhaps I should have used a nymph or two- that's a good point. I'm becoming very fond of Angelina and her relationship with the twins. It must be hard to choose (but personally I always liked George better!). Thank you again for reviewing. It's always appreciated. Carole xxx
Oh, Carole, Carole.
How you amuse me.
The story was, really nice, and though not “laugh-out-loud” funny, it was funny all the same. I also LOVED the title- amazing take on the cliche!
“Will you explain to me why we’re here again?”said the rather excitable, small rounded winged man who was sitting up a tree.
Here, there should be a space after the closing quotation mark. And I'm not exactly sure what you mean by “small rounded winged man”... Were the wings small and rounded? Was the man small and rounded? Was the man small but the wings rounded? It's a bit confusing, really.
Godfrey grunted something and shifted his bum slightly on the branch of the tree.
Maybe it's me being a boy and all that, but the casual use of bum here cracked me up...
“Then what?” asked Godfrey
“I,” Cupid replied proudly, “caught them both with arrows one afternoon in Hogsmeade. Actually, it was damn close because James’ arrow nearly landed in his friend’s backside instead of his own.” Cupid mopped his brow. “Lily Pettigrew would have been a horrible mistake.”
There's a double-space between the paragraphs, I think this is a mistake.
I loved the part about Lily Pettigrew! And this is a WONDERFUL way of explaining how James and Lily suddenly got together after her hating him for so long...
Now in her seventh year and Quidditch Captain, she’d just seen her star Seeker and two Beaters receive life bans for fighting.
Nice! I like the way you tie this into canon!
This is supposed to be my year,
I think “This was supposed to be my year” would sound better here...
It was like poking a rattlesnake.
Not a normal rattlesnake, but a hungry rattlesnake, a thirsty rattlesnake, a rattlesnake that only has one thing on her mind.
“Boot, I think,” replied George. “Terry Boot. He’s that prat that nicked your robes.”
“Don’t you dare call him a prat!” Angelina exclaimed. “He’s ... he’s ... wonderful.”
“You said he was an arsehole last week,” protested Fred.
Hahahaha! The sudden change in Angelina is perfectly done!
The blood was pounding through her ears as she wrapped her arms around Terry’s waist and moulded her body to his.
The blood? It should either just be “Blood was pounding through her ears” or “Her blood was pounding through her ears”. I would personally select the former.
Not snogging this ... this ...tart in the Black Lake.
I would punctuate this as “Not snogging this... this... tart in the Black Lake” I always connect my ellipses to the previous word- I don't know if this is the only correct way, though. Also, they were doing much more than snogging- they were in their underwear in the lake! I definitely think Romilda would have thought they were doing, or planning to do something much more naughty...
But despite all of my nitpicks (for they ARE just nitpicks, this story is largely faultless), this was a very enjoyable story. :) You had the characterization down pat, right down to Michael Corner. Cupid and Godfrey were really enjoyable characters, and I really liked the reference to Venus. I can imagine it- Venus being like the headmistress, and Cupid being the top instructor... :)
Really good work, Carole!
Author's Response: Ta, BB, I always like reviews and the chance to respond. I've acted on most of your suggestions - especially the spacing issues and the 'small rounded winged man' bit. I've kept Angelina's thoughts in the present tense though, simply because it is supposed to be her year and she can't quite believe it's crashing round her ears. I'm not sure about 'The blood' being wrong but I see that it could read better your way.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. It's amazing what a raffle with Bine (She wrote names and I picked numbers) will throw into the air. Poor Terry Boot eh? Thanks again, Carole xxx