Reviews For The Family Pearl
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 07/02/12 20:41
Chapter: The Family Pearl

How sad! Narcissa could have decided that she was a person who loved her family, but I suppose she was so empty and effected by the war that she just lost her way... Great poem! J love the rhyme. :)

Author's Response: Okay, I just re-read this poem since I didn't remember it from so long ago. Thanks for the review and reminding me that I'd written this.

Reviewer: Cirelondiel
Date: 02/28/09 7:32
Chapter: The Family Pearl

This poem has had over a hundred reads, but not one review? How sad. I thought it was really quite good, and an interesting take on Narcissa.

I liked the simple rhyme scheme - as if she was, as you said the summary, simply contemplating, stripping away her life to a brief summary. The first two lines in particular were my favourites, capturing the essence of the whole poem in just a few words:

When I was a little girl,
I was the family pearl.

I love the simplicity of those lines. I was a bit confused by the line that soon followed, though - 'it was sad to see' everyone loving her. I can understand Narcissa's view of her childhood changing as she got older, but I'm not sure who you meant would be saddened by seeing her doted upon...

The repetition of the second stanza later in the poem was really effective in emphasising the importance of its meaning and tying the whole poem together.

The poem mostly flowed well, but I felt that these two lines were too short compared to the rest, and disrupted the rhythm: 

Her life is gone,
And yet I live on.

I also think that the word 'suppose' might work better in this line:

I guess I won the fight,

'I guess' sounds a bit informal to me, and a two-syllable word would make the line fit in with the rhythm of the poem better too. The use of 'fight' also seemed strange as you hadn't spoken of any conflict or battle for attention between the siblings. Or maybe you were referring to a general battle for survival, and Narcissa was the only one who came out with her family and her life? Hmm.

Overall, a nice simple poem that really captured a Narcissa who sees herself as nothing special, just lucky. Nice job :)

-- Chelsea



Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Put Asunder by Equinox Chick 6th-7th Years
As a Slytherin Sorted two years after the Battle, Astoria has never been popular...
A Story for Charlie by Darkness Enshrouds 3rd-5th Years
A boy. A girl. A budding romance. If only things never got complicated... (Violence...
Scorpius Malfoy and the Salem Witch Trials by Hotrav 3rd-5th Years
The third story in the Scorpius Malfoy and the Sins of the Fathers series. Lucius...
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES