MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Marauders Daughter (Signed) · Date: 01/07/14 15:57 · For: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire
Please write the next chapters soon! The only thing I had a problem with is that in your story, they all seem to 25 or somewhere around there, when in J.K.'s prequel, James and Sirius were only in there late teens. But that's just what I think. Please write the rest soon!

Name: Ruchira_M (Signed) · Date: 06/15/12 7:42 · For: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire
Sirius leaned back comfortably on the sofa and began his story, never once wondering how Peter knew something happened.

Ominous. Eerie.

Author's Response: Isn't it strange how knowing what we know now, just one little statement can mean so many things? Thank you for taking the time to leave a review. Now that my muse has come back, there will be regular updates to this story.

Name: the_quiveringquill (Signed) · Date: 09/16/09 16:42 · For: An Accident
AH- MAZING! I love their little love hate relationship (well its more like sirius loves her, while she just sort of goes thru mood swings and overreacts to things) plez update!

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 08/23/09 13:29 · For: The Beginning of a Plan
I’m baaaack. :) I meant to be back sooner, but alas . . . >.>

I like that this chapter picked up right where the last chapter left off. It felt continuous and flowed well. Even though I haven’t read this story in a while, as soon as I read the first few sentences I knew exactly what had happened in the last chapter just from context.

The POV in the seemed a little weird to me. On one hand, it felt like it was third person omniscient, but on the other side, it felt like you were trying to make it third person limited. It was just a little confusing for me; I didn’t know which effect you were going for.

I know that POV can be a tough thing to decide on, but ultimately, the story reads better if the POV doesn’t slip or waver. I suggest focusing on one type of POV and re-reading what you’ve written a few times asking yourself “would [insert character here] really know that?” Just my opinion though. :)

Oh, wow. I was not expecting that much pain in Abby’s background. It really makes her character pop though. It sets her apart from all of Sirius’s fanfictional girlfriends. This connection deepens there relationship and makes it that much more intimate and real. It’s lovely.

“What you should be feeling right now?” she asked. “That is perfectly understandable. Even though my brother…well, I can only imagine the things he may have done, I still love him and miss him. I miss the boy who raised me, who took care of me when there was no one else.” Abby reached up and wiped the tears from her eyes before they could fall.

This paragraph is just. It’s so sad and beautiful and it really captures the reader. We all have family members who actions may disgust us, but who we can’t help but love because they’re our family. Not only do we connect to her on that level, but the depth of her emotions and the strength and power behind them; that shows how much feels brings up so much sympathy and empathy for Abby.

Sirius’s concern for Abigail was well-done, I thought. It was simple enough to just be a friend protecting a friend, or even just a fellow Order member protecting a fellow Order member, but it was strong enough to show that there was more than just that behind it. But in a way that made it seem like Sirius’s wasn’t quite aware of it. I’m extremely impressed that you managed to convey it all in that matter. Snaps for you. ;)

I’m so glad that Abby isn’t falling all over Sirius’s feet. And even had a look of horror on her face at the thought of them being a couple. I wish her resistance could go on a little longer and be something that Sirius really had to fight, but I guess I’ll have to be content with her just being confused and having some mixed feelings. At least she doesn’t worship the ground he walks on. ^_^

Over all, this was a wonderful chapter, Terri.

-Mere xox

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 08/05/09 13:17 · For: The Disappearance
As always, lovely chapter, dear.

I got really insanely excited when I saw that the first word was Abby. In fact, in the notes I was taking as I read I wrote “YAY! ABIGAIL!” :) I’m just really interested to see what kind of OC see she is and how she and Sirius fall in love. And I was not disappointed. She seems like a very fun, yet serious girl. I want to know more about her.

The first few paragraphs of this chapter work really well. In the first paragraph, we’re introduced to the main character: we find out that she works, is friends with Lily, shares a confidence of some sorts with Dumbledore, and knows about the Order of the Phoenix. All in three sentences, too—impressive! ;) Then, the second paragraph explains more about the confidence with Dumbledore and why she knows about the Order. I assume she can’t attend the Order meetings because it could possibly cause problems with her job at the Ministry? And of course, it means Sirius doesn’t know that much about her . . . ;D And then the third paragraph. My favourite of the three, actually, because there’s so much motion and movement and it seems very rushed and hurried just like how Abby was feeling.

And then she thinks about Sirius. Of course. ^_^ And, as much as I love this story so far, I’m going to issue a slight warning now: With regards to Abby and Sirius, this chapter was slightly predictable. I’m hoping and planning that the rest of the story isn’t, but I just wanted to tell you the thoughts/feelings I’m getting at this point.

But even in school, Sirius made her nervous. She tended to stutter and do stupid things around him.

I really like this line. It’s real. And it lets us, your readers, know why Abby is intimidated by Sirius. Even if she doesn’t know herself, we know it’s because he’s a drop dead gorgeous hunk. ;) Just kidding. But no, seriously, I mean obviously, to moi, anyways, that line up there says that she likes a little. It’s classic I-like-you-in-a-more-than-just-I-want-to-be-your-friend-way behavior.

I admire her courage and her sense of what’s right, too. At first, when she was thinking that she didn’t want to talk in front of Sirius, I was just like “uhhh, is he really that scary?” But, then, I realized a little later that it must be something about Regulus. And, yeah, so I’m glad that Abby is such a strong character who will do what she needs to do, no matter how much it scares her. Nice character development, btw.

And then we cut to Lily and James and the scene that had me grinning the entire time I was reading it. It was funny. But I suspect it was there to do more than just lighten the mood. I’m pretty sure it all came out in this line:

“Is that the only thing you two do? Every minute of every day, is that all you think about?” Sirius asked his voice betraying not only his anger but something James thought sounded like jealousy.

Sirius is jealous. Therefore, when pretty, sweet, strong Abby comes along he won’t be totally immune to her charms. :D Seriously, though, it’s very well done, the building of the scene and the slight, subtle hint that he wouldn’t totally object to having someone in his life.

-sigh- Poor Regulus. This particular plot turn has got me really interested though. I want to know what exactly they’re going to do with this information.

I like Abby’s looks/glances at Sirius while she was telling them her intel. It was very natural and normal and real. It gave this down-to-earth feeling to the conversation, made it seem like it could be happening in my kitchen.

She took out four glasses as well as the bottle of Firewhisky, James kept in there.

So much ♥ for Lily right there. This is so sad and sweet and it shows the impact of the news on all of them, without you delving into their thoughts and flat out telling us. It’s beautiful.

Hm. I don’t know, it just seems a little odd to me that Lily and James were expecting Abby, but not Dumbledore. Why wouldn’t he tell them he was coming over? Or wouldn’t they know if Abby was coming and over and had news? It just doesn’t seem logical that it would be a surprise for Dumbledore to be on there doorstep.

“As am I,” Albus said gravely. “Shall we join them?”

This line is just win. I mean it’s sad and horrible but it’s so Dumbledore and it shows the importance and gravity of the news and the compassion and humanity of Dumbledore. Really, it wraps up all the emotions of all of them and expresses them in a wonderful, beautiful way that coming straight out with what they’re feeling would completely ruin.

Wonderful chapter, love. It set up for Abby and Sirius perfectly and it showed the darker side of the story and the times they’re living in beautifully.


Mere xox

Name: bigtimer (Signed) · Date: 08/04/09 9:06 · For: The Memorial Service
good chapter a little boring i was hoping for a fight

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 08/03/09 23:14 · For: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire
Hey, Terri. :) It’s been awhile since I’ve left you a review. Or read anything by you, really . . . Anyway, I’m changing that. Right now.

I really liked the first paragraph of this fic. I know that a lot people, myself included, were a disgruntled after reading JKR’s prologue at how reckless and stupid James and Sirius seemed. But, your first paragraph provided the perfect explanation. It was a situation that James and Sirius would be likely to get themselves into and the rash way the acted suddenly seemed justified. So, thanks for that first paragraph. It was nice to see some sense behind it.

The not speaking while on the bike and the silent, simultaneous grab of the butterbeer, and then the continued silence seemed very real and natural. It also showed the depth of Sirius and James friendship. It only makes sense that would spend sometime in silence to allow for what just happened to sink in, and the fact that they both knew that each other need it, it’s just ♥. It makes me so happy to see the strength of their relationship. :)

Your characterization of them in their conversation is just wonderful. Sirius being arrogant and James being more serious and worrisome, but not too much, since he’s still able to joke about it—Elvendork, indeed! ;) And I like how Sirius is Elvendork . . . hee. It made me laugh.

And then Lily. Just. Gah! Your characterization in this fic is so awesome it almost hurts. I especially like how she jinxes them, and then looks at their faces and un-jinxes them almost immediately. I think that that really shows her nature and heart. And of course the whole being mad because they could’ve been killed . . .

I love seeing Lily and James as married couple. ♥ I think the only thing I’ve read about them post-Hogwarts is The Wedding Ring by KASK, and it’s not exactly the happiest of stories . . . ANYWAY, it makes me so happy to see them as a loving couple. It reminds me why they’re my OTP. They’re just so cute. Hee. And I love Sirius lets them kiss for a little while and then is just like “Okay. Enough.” :)) He’s such an amazing best friend. (I think I’m re-learning why I love the Marauders here. ^_^)

I know that in the past, you struggled to write Dumbledore. But that was an awfully long time ago, wasn’t it? Over a year . . . WOW. Has it been that long? Um, anyway, obviously you’ve had some time to work with and it’s not like you haven’t been writing since then –marvels at the amount of stories you’ve churned out- and, well, you struggle with Dumbledore no more! His character was very well done. Especially the “Having a party?” line. It was very Dumbledore to me. And I like his effect on James and Sirius. It’s very natural and exactly what I imagined happened.

Sirius leaned back comfortably on the sofa and began his story, never once wondering how Peter knew something happened.

I like this foreshadowing about Peter. I’m interested to see how this plays out . . . And I like how you wrote him. You know, as a character with a brain and a heart and someone his friends valued. He’s actually real. Viable. He seems like a person. It’s been awhile since I’ve read such a good characterization of him. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed it.

But I’m slightly annoyed that we don’t find out what actually happened. I suppose that it comes up later and I just have to keep reading. Right?

Heheh. I like the foreshadowing at the end of the chapter, too. I was hoping to meet Abigail in this chapter, but I guess that would have been an overload of characters. And it makes her entrance that much more dramatic, yeah?

My only critique of this is that a few time I noticed it felt like you were being sort of redundant by telling us something that we already figured out by what you showed us. This line, for example:

As Lily’s voice broke, James realised there was something else fuelling Lily’s anger, fear.

It’s not even the entire line; just the last word. We could already tell that she was scared from her words and her voice breaking, so adding that word on there sort of felt like you were beating us over the head. But that’s just my opinion.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. I couldn’t stop smiling the entire time I was reading it. I’m looking forward to the next chapter. And telling you what I think. ;D I’m glad that I sat down and read something of yours again. You’re too good of an author to not read.

Mere xox

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 08/03/09 22:38 · For: The Memorial Service
Good chapter. Walburga actually concerned about her oldest son? Interesting.

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 08/03/09 12:02 · For: The Memorial Service
Wow, I wasn't expecting it to end like that. I really like this story and I can't wait for the next chapter.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 05/30/09 20:00 · For: Slip of the Tongue
Things are getting a little more interesting. Sirius and Remus seem to be noticing Peter has a lot more knowledge of what the DE's are doing or going to do than he should. Are they beginning to think he might be a double agent? I hope so.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 05/23/09 22:15 · For: An Unexpected Revelation
Very enlightening.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 05/11/09 16:07 · For: A Death in the Family
Interesting chapter. I can understand Sirius emotions. Even though he professed to hating his parents, it was probably more to what they believed. He would have loved them when he was small, before he understood their beliefs and the fact he didin't share them. He will still mourn the loss of his father and mourn that there will never be an opportunity to change his father's ideas. And he's a little confused by his emotions.

Name: evanna11 (Signed) · Date: 05/07/09 16:07 · For: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire
I really like the story, and Abby is just the kinda person I imagined for Sirius :). They are so hilarious! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 04/28/09 23:19 · For: The Woods and a Foot in the Mouth
Quick chapter. Nice chapter. Sirius sticking foot in mouth up to knee is not an unusual occurrence. Remus is thinking Padfoot doesn't trust him because he's a werewolf, even though they've been friends since they were 11. Peter has set that one up and is now looking for more info to give Voldy, and probably trying to find a way to get James and Lily not to trust Remus or Sirius.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 04/25/09 20:46 · For: Misunderstandings
I like Abby, and James is right, Sirius needs a woman to stand up to him and give back what he dishes out. Guess Harry already isn't fond of tension and mum overdoing it. Poor Harry's going to have a lot more tension before he's done. Wish Remus could either have his friends with him on the full moon so he doesn't have to injure himself, or Wolfsbane Potion. Not even sure if it's been invented yet.

Name: Essence of Potter (Signed) · Date: 04/25/09 8:09 · For: Misunderstandings
A am so loving this story so far, I love the character of Abby. I can't wait to see what happens on their mission. The only thing I don't like is that it's moving quite slowly,but I supose you can't just jump straight into the action!

Name: meldina (Signed) · Date: 04/03/09 19:01 · For: Firewhisky and Tears
post more lol

Name: Black-Sand (Signed) · Date: 03/30/09 3:48 · For: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

Hey, Tessa! (Aussie Terri). Love the story. I haven't read your newst chap yet (reviewing first) but your last one was great.

Keeps it up!


Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 03/28/09 19:29 · For: Firewhisky and Tears
Sirius falls in love. Harry makes his presence known. Well sort of.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 03/14/09 20:43 · For: The Meeting
No surprises there. Sirius is crazy and an arrogant prat. And if I ever grow up I want to be just like him, lol. Well, at least the crazy part. I'm thinking he has met his match in Abby.

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