Thanks for showing Malfoy's humane side.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!
First off, I’ll say that this version of Draco/Astoria was way different from my own, or those I usually like reading, BUT you really turned it around in the end. :D
/Pointless point over
Astoria: I like the consistency in your characterization, and this is true for both Astoria and Draco. Astoria is intimated by Draco in the beginning, and she is so till the end, even when she realizes she loves him. There is not a moment in the fic when she slips out of that. While this weaker version of Astoria is one I don’t generally prefer, she rather fits with the Draco we have here.
Draco: Ah…post-war Draco. I think this characterization is rather “canony”. The bullying at the Hogwarts memory, the sort of “cold” flirting in the skating incident, the drowning of his sorrow in work, and yet the softness when it comes to family – yes, they all blended well with each other. I was particularly happy with the fact that you didn’t make him someone who liked discussing his own feelings, or even talk that much. Something broke inside of him in the war, and I think that at this point, he is still trying to recover from it.
But, I adored this part above all:
“I went to Astoria’s side and took a hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Murmuring softly-spoken words into her ear, my other, free hand went to stroke her hair.”
It gives us another dimension to the sneering spoilt brat.
Narcissa: I love how you have portrayed her hair. It shows us how close she was to her son, and how different that closeness was from the one that Draco shared with his father.
Good story, Bine! I enjoyed reading it.
Author's Response: Thank you for such a great review, Natalie. I'm so glad you liked the story, more so because I had so much fun writing it. :)
wow i love it
Author's Response: Thanks.
Again, a beautifully crafted story. I'll leave it to others to point out the flaws in this diamond.
Author's Response: Thank you. Though, if you saw flaws, wouldn't it be better to tell me rather than hoping someone else comes along and finds the ones you found?
awww... that was really sweet.
Author's Response: Thank you.
I thought your story plot was well thought out and the writing well executed. I like to see a softer side of Draco and how he changed after the war. Also, it is wonderful to learn more about Astoria and her life. Keep writing!
Author's Response: Thank you. And I will, don't worry. There are many ideas in my head, and I just got another one...
Lovely work Bine. I particularly enjoyed the insights into Astoria's memories. Though I do find it hard to imagine Draco as a workaholic.
Anyway, good job!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. And well, Draco might seem like a workaholic, but maybe he's prolonging working time because he works slowly and lets everyone think he's a hard-working workaholic? ;) You never know with those Malfoys... lol
I really enjoyed this story; it's so lovely! Just a teeensy nitpick:
the boy, approximately two years older than my
"My" needs to be changed to "me."
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and nitpick. I'll edit. :) *hugs*
I liked it. War definitely changes people, sometimes for better, sometimes not. Draco changed for the better, but the birth of his son probably brought out the best change.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and your nice words. :)
Bine, this is an interesting and very well-written story. I like how you slowly wove it together with flashbacks and little hints of Astoria’s pregnancy. You really showed us rather than told us what had happened, and that’s great.Silently, snow fell down, slowly covering houses and trees with a thin white blanket. The trees in the park had long ago fallen into their annual slumber, shredding their green dresses in preparation for the change of year. Naked, their fingers pointed towards the dark navy sky, illuminated only by the twinkling starlight. A dark moon rose for its journey along the horizon.
^ That was a simply beautiful description! I love the metaphor you used for the trees. This passage perfectly sets the mood of the story: it’s poetic and serious. It drew me into the scene, a calm winter’s night... Just lovely, Bine. I really love your skill at creating images with simple yet effective words.My feet I had put up onto the lounge, covering them with a velvet blanket to keep them warm.
^ This is rather fussy of me, but I think it would sound more natural to say “I had put my feet up onto...” – your construction doesn’t sound quite like what a native speaker would say, although it does make sense.
Still, I do love the cosy image you’ve given us of Astoria. Again, I’m drawn into the story, intrigued by the idea that while she’s perfectly comfortable, she’s hurting inside.The light had been turned off, and utter darkness filled the house. Even the whiteness outside did not help illuminating anything inside the house.
^ You said “the house” twice in close proximity there – I don’t think it’s needed at the end of the second sentence.With a loud curse on my lips – that degraded the wise wizard named Merlin to the lowest level life knew – and an even louder thud – which’s echo surely travelled miles, testifying my clumsy ability of ice skating – my already painfully throbbing behind landed on the cold and hard iced surface of the lake once again.^ Eek – that paragraph was rather confusing! First off, we don’t say “which’s” – I’d change it to “the echo of which”. Then there’s this part: “testifying my clumsy ability of ice skating”. That doesn’t make sense. You could say something like “testifying to my lack of ice-skating ability” or “testifying to my clumsiness” or “testifying to my clumsy ice-skating”. So you’d end up with something like this:With a loud curse on my lips – that degraded the wise wizard named Merlin to the lowest level life knew – and an even louder thud – the echo of which surely travelled miles, testifying to my clumsy ice-skating – my already painfully throbbing behind landed on the cold and hard iced surface of the lake once again.Right, last nit-pick:I guess, had I looked into a mirror at that moment, I would surely have looked like a zombie.
^ Do they have zombies in the Potterverse? Why not change that to Inferius? ;)
Now, all in all, a very good story! I thought your characterisation was good – it does seem unlikely that Draco would find it easy to be a loving husband, and I liked that you showed Narcissa in quite a different light to what we’re used to!
The way you described Draco’s response to Scorpius’ birth was excellent: “Instead, silence settled over the office, as thick and heavy as the snow outside. And yet, it was not a cold silence, but a warm one. I had a son. I was going to be a father. The father of my own son!” Wow – that showed us the change that came over him at the news in a really unique way!
At the end of the second-to-last section, which of them was the one who said Scorpius’ name? I couldn’t tell...
In the last section (and the story as a whole, for that matter!) you captured the meaning of the quote perfectly. An excellent ending.
Well done, dear. This was a pleasure to read.-- Chelsea
Author's Response: Thank you so much for that lovely review, Chels. *hugs* As for your nitpicks: I've gone through and edited my story. Yeah, you're right about "what a native speaker wouldn't say". That's my biggest problem still but I'm working on it.
As for who said Scorpius' name at the end... I have no idea either. lol Everyone can imagine it for him- or herself this way. :)
*hugs again* It was a pleasure getting and reading your review.
LOVE it. Very insightful and well written. Thank you for sharing your point of view.
Author's Response: Thank you for leaving a review! :)
Yay! An Astoria/ Draco fic, even if slightly odd! Well done and keep up the fabulous work! x x
Author's Response: Thanks! Though, why did you think it was odd?
AHhhhhhh! Family love Malfoy style...why do I feel a need for a hot shower? LOL!
Good job of not over romanticising Draco btw.
Author's Response: LOL Thanks for reading and reviewing.
i was mesmerized by this
i dont usually like draco fics but this was brilllloooo
Author's Response: Thank you. :)