This was really fantastic - it's always interesting reading different interpretations of the Next Generation, as everyone interprets them differently. I really enjoyed your interpretation of Dominique and Victoire and their relationship as sisters. I think it must have been hard being Dominique particularly as she looked so much like Victoire, but was so different in personality, because everyone expected her to be another Victoire. If she had looked a bit different then it might not have been so hard.
I loved the references to her being an author and her having a good imagination, and how you tied it in with the title and the last line, but I thought it was such a good idea and would have liked to have seen it come up more throughout the story.
I loved the idea that Bill knew what was going on in Dominique's mind - in the little we see of him in canon, he did always seem perceptive.
The conversation between Teddy and Dominique was beautiful, and I was really glad that she was finally able to let go of him after that.
Just out of curiosity, have you written a fic about what happens in Paris?
That was one of the best short stories I've ever read, mainly, I guess because Dominique seems so much like me, it's scary. This sounds like something that would happen to me, only I'm the older sister.
i loved this. so amazing. ur a great writer.
ur writing a book someday.
u simply have to. a big fat book which will be an instant best seller.
Author's Response: Okay, okay, if you insist! :D
What a glorious story. There are so many lines that I want to pick out as my favourites, but then that would mean me writing my own one-shot as a review. For now I'll content myself with:
She’s the sun, and I’m just the pinprick of a laser.
I love her interraction with Bill. And the fact that he does understand his daughter only too well gives me hope that she'll get over Teddy some day. She has to, otherwise life would just be too cruel for her.
The other part of the story that I really liked was when Teddy followed her out and told her how amazing she is. We've had Dominiques side of the story; her view on how fantastic Victoire is, and then we see Teddy telling her that she is too amazing for him. WOW!
Okay, one samll nit pick.
I figured that Teddy and Victoire would all apart. I think you mean 'fall' and not 'all'.
I adore your writing. You have a wonderful turn of phrase and convey so much in so few words. What I particularly love about this, and some of your other one-shots, is the way you really grab the interest of the reader and manage to keep our interest until the very end.
Absolutely amazing. I really loved reading your story. My heart aches for Dominique. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Your writing is really beautiful. You seem to capture emotions really well, and in this particular story, Dom's anguish is portrayed wonderfully.
I love that she never told anyone, because she knew what the consequences would be.
Love or family? Family. This is good characterisation, showing how very 'Weasley' she is. I love that you can represent her pain and also show that she's still a good person despite it.
The interaction between Bill and Dom is wonderful; definitely how I could see Bill as a father. He's well connected to them and keeps a level-head during their conflict.
It’s not easy to live with a rainbow. I love this line. I can see how Dom would feel out-shone by Victoire, and the ten months thing that you brought back in at the end is great.
The only thing that wasn't perfect for me was when Teddy says he had thought about the ten months as well. It seemed as though that could be something left unsaid, because saying so would only lead to more regret. Other than that, the moment between Teddy and Dom was really believable and honest, and I loved it.
This was a really interesting idea and you did it extremely well.
Beautiful!!! Absolutely brilliant!! Oh, gosh, that made my heart just melt...aw!! sigh. SO GOOD. more adjectives...
Author's Response: Haha, thank you!!
Awwww, that was so cute!!! I never imagined Dom loving Teddy, but it works very well! Amazing job!! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
After modding the one-shot, I had to leave a review, telling you how much I loved reading the fic in the queue.
The beginning is awesome. We get to know Dominique as a dreamer, a person good at imagination. I think it’s been a very good idea to show a daydream of hers, walking down the aisle as the bride instead of standing next by as the Maid of Honour. But life isn’t a dream; it’s hard reality. And Dominique comes crashing back down into that reality all of a sudden which makes me feel pity for her.
I really liked how you fleshed out Dominique. She’s appearing very real, as if I stood next to her and could start a conversation right now. She’s so lovely, and I can see why Teddy would like her and prefer to play with her rather than with Victoire. Also, what I found really great was that in her appearance she is like her older sister, but without that star-like gleam that seems to surround Victoire. It was nice reading this. I was very much able to relate to Dominique’s feelings, that she would hate her sister for always being in the centre of attention, but at the same time she still loves her because they are sisters. It created an inner conflict within Dominique which you have drawn and written about fantastically.
It’s not easy to live with a rainbow. How could it be? Being her sister is like being the sister of a queen or a star. No matter what I do, it’s nothing compared to Victoire. She’s the sun, and I’m just the pinprick of a laser. In school, at home, Victoire was number one.
That’s a wonderful part, playing with simple enough imagery everyone can understand to describe Victoire’s superiority over Dominique. It’s one of my favourite parts in this one-shot.
He saw that I was different from Victoire – maybe even better.
This marks where it starts really getting so beautifully sad. Dominique knows Teddy recognises her as equal to Victoire and has respect and love for her, too, and yet he chooses the older sister. I was mesmerised with your story from the beginning, and yet this one sentence was the turning point that captured me completely. It nearly brought me to my tears.
I also liked the interaction of Dominique with her father while dancing. Bill had this wise aura. He loves his daughters and wants no one hurt, that’s clearly visible, but he also wants the family to be friendly and peaceful with each other. He doesn’t want a rift between his two daughters over the same man. And with Teddy out of reach for Dominique, he needed to act, and he acted brilliantly. I simply love the dialogue you have created for the father-daughter-talk. It’s precise to the point and sincere in meaning and sense, but it’s still humorous enough to lighten the sad mood of the one-shot. Fantastic job.
I don’t know it now, but I will. Teddy Lupin will always be a friend, but over time, he’ll stop being the love of my life. Instead, he’ll morph into my sister’s husband, my nieces’ father, my brother-in-law. I will always have a fondness, a tender spot, for him and I’ll always imagine, but that’s all it is. No longer longing and wanting, merely imagining.
This is a very beautiful ending and paragraph. It’s foreshadowing and yet not giving anything away. Also, it leaves things open for a sequel. It’s nothing definite concerning the story’s status but a definite ending in Dominique’s life.
I really hope this one-shot gets showered with reviews because it has clearly earned it.
hey i really enjoyed your story, but i feel the need to inform you that you used a racial slur in it. the word "gypped" comes from the stereotypical and racist view of gypsies as theives, and it is offensive to gypsies. please edit the word out of your story. i would really appreciate it.
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the story.