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Reviews For Turning the Page

Name: Writ Encore (Signed) · Date: 02/11/12 4:19 · For: The Magical Touch
I love how Harry and Ginny are portrayed as these clueless foljks who are desparately trying to help. YOu don't often see that; people jump the war and portray them in different ways. My only objection here - and I fear children, so ignore me, but I don't think thta Dora would have known what to do here; first parents, indeed, as you've shown through Adromeda, don't instantly know what to do. I'd be frightened out of my skin. 'Take this thing back - it's broken'. That's just something to think about. Really enjoying Kingsley's reassurance.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. You make a good point about Tonks. Glad you've enjoyed the story, although I don't know if it'll be finished at this stage.

Name: Writ Encore (Signed) · Date: 02/11/12 4:07 · For: The Hardest Day
Well done. The reaction to death, the cliched responses, it's funny how all that changes once a person experiences a death. Written with somber respect.

Author's Response: Thanks so much.

Name: Writ Encore (Signed) · Date: 02/11/12 3:53 · For: Silence
Sly Severus,

I don’t know if you are active anymore with fan fiction, but I have been looking and looking for this story. I’d read it before, you see, maybe a chapter or two, and recently it’s just been popping back into my mind. I mean, looking and looking, at a point where I’m almost embarrassed to admit, for it’s fan fiction and I’ve got Tolkien waiting for me. Finally popped it in a search engine “ yes, I was rather annoyed and I can get annoyed with research till I find anything.

Can I just say that I love the atmosphere of this? The way you set this up is just genius; the story is so plausible. Realistic. The opening of a mother worrying about her daughter is such an everyday thing. The mother talking to the baby is so realistic; people who say that it’s strange that we talk to ourselves are themselves mad. People sneak comfort, and often, when there is nothing nor nobody else, our own voices can do that. The playground, the blood, the dance the spatter: what an image! It says so much, and it’s so frightening.

The comforting reassurance of Kingsley that ‘it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay’ is just “ it shows his character in such a light through simple words, and the repetition makes it all the stronger. I don’t know if that makes sense, and I’m afraid it doesn’t, but it sounds so much like him. The crying, how the baby is weaved in at the end and it’s not clear whether it was indeed Andromeda or Teddy says everything and nothing’s there.
There are very few pieces that stick in my mind, and I could sit here and tell you flashes of what I remember, but every time I refer to the fifth book, I’ve thought about this. You’ve done so well and I can’t wait to read on. Thank you, thank you for writing this. You, madam or sir, have shined light on an old story.


Author's Response: Thanks for this great review. I have been away from fanfiction for a long time, but have recently returned. Rather or not, I'll be able to finish this story in the future is currently unknown. However, you're review has me seriously considering reviving it. Thanks, again.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/13/09 20:53 · For: Perfect
Like it lots.

Author's Response: Thank you.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/11/09 20:02 · For: Ted's Gift
Perfect. I lvoe the way you wrote this chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Name: juli_dances (Signed) · Date: 01/11/09 15:43 · For: Ted's Gift
I'm really getting teary-eyed with this story. The red rose is so sweet! Great idea. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift, and I think Ted would indeed want Andromeda to be happy with Kingsley. Thanks for the chapter (and the whole story), I super like it.

Author's Response: :D I'm glad you like it.

I also think that Ted would want Andromeda to be happy. In a way, he's probably grateful to Kingsley for being there for Andromeda when he can't.

Name: crystalphoenix (Signed) · Date: 01/10/09 0:27 · For: A Promise
hmm... this is a very original take on things, and i like that. i also like the way you portray the characters.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/08/09 19:36 · For: A Promise
I definitely like it. If I were Kingsley I'd probably suggest taking Teddy for the day as he gets even a few months older. I'm betting all Tonks and Remus' friends will spend a lot of time with Teddy, though not necessarily as part of your present story.

Author's Response: Thanks. I agree that Teddy will probably be surrounded by people who loved his parents growing up. It's too bad that couldn't have been the case for Harry. As it is, no one else will be introduced during this story.

Thanks so much for the review.

Name: juli_dances (Signed) · Date: 01/07/09 16:18 · For: The Morning After
NOOOO! Kingsley is so sweet. Poor Andromeda and poor Kingsley. I suppose this is every widow's fear, loving someone else and dishonoring the dead. I'm really looking forward to the (hopeful) resolution of their relationship. Once again, thanks for the quick update!

Author's Response: Yes, poor Kingsley. I've really grown to like him, and lately I've been writing him in romantic situations, but I have a tendency to jerk the poor guy around a lot.

Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/06/09 20:52 · For: The Morning After
I can sympathize with Andy's dilemma having lost my spouse 14 yrs ago. If I remember correctly it's only been 6 mo or so since Ted was killed. Give her another 6 to 12 mo. and she'll be able to have Kingsley for a friend if she still wants. Don't know about the rest, I haven't been on a date yet, but I do have male friends.

Author's Response: I don't plan to have her waiting that long. She needs someone. She just needs to sort through some things first. Thanks for reviewing.

Name: inspirations (Signed) · Date: 01/06/09 12:58 · For: The Morning After
That was exactly how I’d imagined Andromeda would be. The sum up of how she felt, about Ted watching her: realistic. I hope she lets Kingsley back in, all the same. Everybody will be sad else. :[

No, Andromeda’s feelings were perfectly done. Sometimes, I get the feeling that my dead are watching over me. Not quite the same situation, but it helps when you think like that to get in Andromeda’s shoes.

One nit-pick:

“Andromeda.” - that’s Harry speaking right? That’s the impression I got, but the word sounded flat, as if somebody beside her was just saying her name. I would use an exclamation mark to make it sound more far away - like a call. But you might be going for a different effect…

Good chapter. xx

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm glad Andromeda's reaction came off right. I was a little worried I might have overdone some of it.

As for Kingsley, well of course, Andromeda is struggling. But who could give Kingsley the cold shoulder forever?

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/05/09 12:51 · For: Silence
Sounds like a good thing for Andromeda and Kingsley, lol

Author's Response: Maybe...

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/04/09 20:36 · For: Feeling Good
My my

Author's Response: Erm...is that a good thing?

Name: juli_dances (Signed) · Date: 01/04/09 17:33 · For: Feeling Good
Goodness gracious. I think you should have a bit more interaction with Kingsley and Teddy because Teddy is so cute. I really like the idea of Andromeda having someone to love her, and I've always liked Kingsley. I never really thought about it, but their ages would be close, so it's a nice change for Kingsley. Congrats on a great story and thanks for updating so often!

Author's Response: Thank you!

I love that Kingsley's age isn't specified. It makes pairing him with whoever I feel like totally possible. And recently I've really grown to love his character.

There will be more interaction with Teddy coming up. But not in the next chapter...

Thanks again for the lovely review.

Name: inspirations (Signed) · Date: 01/04/09 14:28 · For: Feeling Good
Oh, man. I knew they were going to get together eventually - *it was set in the stars* - but I did not see that coming when he knocked on the door.

That was a lovely chapter. Andromeda’s reluctance to let Teddy go with Harry was perfect - not overdone at all. I like that she acknowledges what Dora would’ve wanted, and what Harry wants.

The mention of Molly made me think. When she killed Bellatrix in DH, I didn’t think much of it, though I was a bit surprised. But this woke me up - how would having the knowledge that she’d killed someone (even the Dark Lord’s most faithful servant) affect her? I bet all around everybody is telling her how fantastic it was, and she probably knows it too, but would she feel guilty or what?

Kingsley is such a gentleman. >> Or something to that affect, anyway. :]

His hands wrapped around hers as she struggled to remove his clothes. He stopped her, and pulled away from her embrace.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

The same tiny voice screamed no, but she ordered it shut up.

“Yes,” she whispered to him. “I want this.”

I suppose this will make Andromeda feel really good … until the next morning. Will she feel guilty, because she’s probably only ever done that sort of thing with Ted before (or so I’ve always assumed)? I get this impression from the ’voice in her head’. The next chapter will be interesting.

Few nit-picks:

Rushing around the house, Andromeda threw Teddy’s favorite toys in a bag. Every few seconds, she would stop with a toy in her hand debating if it should go in the bag.

The repetition of ‘bag’ is distracting. Maybe you could change it to ‘debating whether to pack it’ or something similar.

Still, after everything he’d done for her, all she managed to do for him was give him a crappy meal while Teddy slept.

Somebody else may disagree, but I cannot imagine Andromeda using the word ‘crappy’. I know it’s not first person PoV, but third person omniscient is close enough, I think. It just threw me slightly.

She sat aside the spoon she’d been using to stir the sauce and rushed to open it. - ‘set’ and not ‘sat’.

Good work. I look forward to chapter five. xx

Author's Response: Naturally, Andromeda is reluctant to see Teddy go. But I've never thought of her as a selfish person. She'll do what's best for everyone. Of course, she cares about what her daugther wants. And Teddy needs interaction oustide the home.

Sigh. I guess your Bella and Molly comments mean I'm writing this the way I meant to, but still. Ouch! I love Bella. Adore her. Actually believe she didn't die in DH. However, it was easier for this fic to leave her dead. Bella has no rule and explaining that she's alive would do nothing for the plot. And I really hate Molly. I think she's controlling, demanding, and petty. But I tried to write this the way Andromeda would be thinking. I really doubt she has any fondness for her sister, and she has no reason to dislike Molly, especially when she was close to Dora and Teddy's godfather.

But despite my personal feelings about Molly I don't think she would respond well to taking a life. She's a bit ridiculous and annoying, but she's far from a killer. Having Bella's blood on her hands would be very hard for her to deal with.

And you make very good observations about the story. The morning after is indeed the next chapter. So far there have been time gaps between the chapters, but the next morning is important to the plot. Although, I will warn you, this is not a long fic. It's ten chapters long. Just so you're not expecting a novel or anything here.

Also thanks for the nitpicks. I've fixed the errors. Some of which I meant to fix in the first place. Like crappy. LOL. I never did find the right word for that sentence.

Thanks for the really lovely review. Sorry for all the Bella and Molly ranting. I just love my Bella.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/02/09 20:22 · For: The Magical Touch
Romance blossoming perhaps? Hmmmn

Author's Response: Maybe...

Name: inspirations (Signed) · Date: 01/02/09 14:33 · For: The Magical Touch
I do like this story. This is my favourite chapter so far. The words, phrases, and atmosphere - it does a good job of showing the reader what it’s like to have an infant. But with this, you also have Andromeda’s grief coupled on the top of that.

With his little hand, he reached towards the owl, closing his tiny fingers around the beak. - I can really see that happening. It makes you think of any small child - the movement and the description. I like the way you use a toy owl, of all things. Muggle kids wouldn’t have one of those. XD

The room settled in silence. Everyone was exhausted. Teddy had fallen asleep in Andromeda’s arms, and she rested her head against the chair, closing her eyes. - I could actually feel the silence. And, granted, the room I’m in is silent, but I could feel the calmness, the tiredness. I could see the baby in Andromeda’s arms.

Maybe her grandson felt as safe in Kingsley’s arms as she did.

“Thank you,” she whispered as Kingsley lowered the sleeping infant back into the crib. “You must have the magical touch.”

That made me smile. It was mainly the word ‘magical’ that did it for me, but the whole concept of those couple of lines is nice. Andromeda finds comfort in Kingsley’s arms, Kingsley’s presence. Teddy finds comfort in Kingsley’s arms, Kingsley’s presence.

It’ll be interesting to see how this fic plays out. Good work. xx

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. I really appreciate the long review. I was actually a little leery of my ability to write about a baby having never been around them much. I'm glad it's coming of well. Thanks so much for all your wonderful comments.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/01/09 20:14 · For: The Hardest Day
I like the way this is written. I've never lost a child, but have lost a spouse. Hiding under the bed is the least of what I wanted to do.

Author's Response: Thanks. Obviously, Andromeda is struggling. But she has to try being strong, for Teddy. I think she's actually lucky to have him. He gives her a reason to go on. A reason to get up and face the day. She needs that after everything she's lost.

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/01/09 20:07 · For: Silence
Nice beginning. Very believeable. Very real.

Author's Response: Thank you!

Name: inspirations (Signed) · Date: 12/29/08 13:32 · For: Silence
Oh my God - I had to blink so much at the end of that to stop myself crying. That was a beautiful chapter - you captured Andromeda’s anguish so precisely. It made me even sadder when it ended though, because I wanted him to tell her everything was all right, and Tonks and Remus were coming back. But of course, he doesn’t - he can’t.

She paced around the room, disturbing Teddy in her arms. - ‘she’d’?

The soundless house made her uncomfortable. - I don’t like the repetition of ‘house’. How about considering changing it to ‘rooms’ or something similar?

You’re mom is always putting herself in dangerous positions. - ‘your’.

This chapter was quite magical in a way, because you linked the idea of all the horrible silence (which Meda is so unused to) from the beginning, to the middle, to the end. I think it was effective to keep the idea running all the way.

The one thing that bugged me about this chapter though, is the sentence length. Shorter sentences are very effective, and they are in this chapter too - they fit it perfectly, but I think you overused them. In some places, you have two or three different sentences, where they could be just as successful rolled into one. I think you should keep the majority of this in short sentences, it reflects how Andromeda is feeling well, but it would be better if you chucked a few more longer ones in. Someone else may disagree with me on that, though. That’s purely my opinion.

There were no signs of comfort there. A single tear fell down his cheek. - This sentence confused me at first as I though Kingsley was offering her no comfort, but then I got it. And it’s lovely and sad that he’s crying too, but I always imagined Kingsley as harder than that. You know? I think he would try to keep his composure just to make it a little less hard for Andromeda. Though he may cry with her, or his eyes might be full of tears … Or he could struggle to tell her, and that would be enough for her to know. And then the tear could come.

She didn’t feel his touch or know where she was. She only knew that her baby was gone. - that’s a great way of describing the grief. I think that line alone really got through to me, as the reader.

I look forward to the next chapter - I really liked this one. x

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review and suggestions. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.

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