This Fan Fiction was great because Draco was IN CHARACTER. Nice job!
That was so cute!!! It was kind of different in a good way. I mean so many times you read stories and see movies about the whole "opposites attract" thing but this was a little bit different and i liked it a lot! They seem perfect for each other :) Good work! You should definitely write more!
Holy cow! I normally don't like to read fan fiction, but this one is actually good. I like how they're like "Whatever. You are annoying", but then at the end they are like "Wow...I like you". I'm a sucker for romance. Good job!
Holy camole! A Draco romance where Draco is in character. I honestly didn't think I would enjoy it at all, being a H/D fan, but I really did like this. (Yes, I'm saying I enjoy OOC Draco fics more than IC Draco fics. I know-- it's weird, but there you are.)
So, since I'm terrible at getting everything out in a comprehensible way, I'm going to form this review. Odd, I know, but... Yeah. :)
Grammar: Spotless SPaG, but you would expect that in the archives, of course. One thing that was a little off-putting, though, were your choice of words in some places. Like here:
.... Okay, so going back I can't find what I had initially thought was awkward. Not helpful, but there were just a few places where the flow was off a bit. Your style is a bit too... precise (punchy, not overly descriptive, short, to-the-point sentences) for my liking, but that's really a personal thing.
Speaking of description though, while your style doesn't allow for long, overly-descriptive scenery passages, it still had a very present image about it. I'm more prone to liking those overly-descriptive type stories, but I still really enjoyed this. The way you described the snow through dialog rather than long narrations was... refreshing. It was still very vivid in my mind, even though you didn't go into detail about it.
Canon: Like I first said, very, very, very good canon accuracy. The one thing that was a little overdone to me was how much you concentrated on the similarities between the two. I think you could have slipped the narrations in subtly and still given us the same knowledge of how Draco felt. Like here:
She looked particularly smug, and that annoyed me. I was the one who was supposed to be smirking and superior, not her.
His annoyance at her appearance lets us know how he's feeling without having to go into too much detail about it. It just feels like you're trying too hard to get the point across.
There was something in her face that looked familiar, but I figured it had to be a family resemblance.
Is subtle, and it made me smile, knowing what was coming. Little remarks like this are, in my very humble opinion, much better than plainly stating the facts.
The Pairing: Simply adorable. I love how things unfolded, and how the resistance was played on a lot. You say Astoria is an OC, but isn't she his canon wife? Either way, you've created Draco's perfect pair, and this story is a great look into his life after the war.
Overall, I really liked this. I know it doesn't sound like it from my review but when I really, really like something I tend to point out what I don't like without going over what I did. I could never turn away from my whiny, woe-is-me FFDraco, but I really like the way you've portrayed him in this.
You know, this was a wonderful portrayal of how truly rotten both Draco and Astoria are. Ironically, this is what makes characters like that so irresistable. You have obviously put a lot of thought into your story, and I'd like to see more. Well done!!!
Goodness. This is the best and only Draco/Astoria I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Honestly, it was so beautiful and extremely captivating. I was completely transfixed while I raced through this. It was short and sweet.
Draco, as you have portrayed him, is quite excellent. The coolness and abrasiveness in the beginning towards Astoria is spot-on. And her attitude in return is just as interesting to read. Even though there's so much tension, the chemistry is undeniable. And I really like how it works up too. It isn't instantaneous or rushed. AS they progress through the conversation, their feelings become more evident. The slow revelation is nice.
I didn’t enjoy the feeling. “They’ll probably notice the difference in feeling, now that the person who wants to kill them all is gone.”
What makes the story so tangible is how you write their characters and the dialogue. It's so crisp and realistic. Definitely easy to imagine them saying. It's especially impressive because, just reading this, I get the feeling that I've known Astoria the whole time. Her characterization is beautifully done.
Everything she did looked like it was done in a bored, unconcerned way.
Astoria's supposed indifference to him is quite enthralling. And as Draco's bubbling interest in her grows, so does mine.
The snow was a nice element. It provided the climax and it this point I was just wishing for certain things to happen, hehe.
She didn’t seem to mind and slipped it one regardless.
Little nitpick for you, the 'one' should be 'on.'
I thought Draco talking about Voldemort was a little abrupt and I certainly didn't expect it. Though I've obviously no idea the level of trust he has in her and I suppose it has been a fair amount of time since then. I thought it was wonderful that he would open up to her in such a simplistic manner.
she said softly, her voice very different from
From what? Ahhh!
Aw. The whole build up towards the kiss made me so anxious and excited. Whe it finally happened it was a great relief, heh. They were absolutely adorable together and not in the mushy way. How they reacted, with the sort of sassy back and forth was really a perfect reflection of their characters.
The ending was amazing. I thought he solemness was a little overdone but I was really just wishing for more. Their interaction was breath-taking.
You really did a fantastic job with them. The way it was set made for a beautiful story. Great job, love.
Perfectly reasonable to me.
i really liked this. i was an interesting take on Draco's relationship with Astoria, as we don't know anything about her except that she is related to Daphne Greengrass.
Nice, I don’t usually read Draco, but I’m pleased I did this time. I loved the way Astoria and Draco are so similar but, in a way, they clash. It’s like he says this, she throws it back in his face with that. Lol.
The characterisation for both characters was lovely. I liked how they both left the party, for basically the same reason.
I noticed that she had taken off her shoes, and her hair didn’t look as proper as most of the women out there had. - Draco noticing a little thing like her hair, though it doesn’t jump out at us, was a nice, subtle touch.
We just stared out into the dark night invaded by perfect flakes of snow that fell softly to the ground. I didn’t think they would stick, but it was still a nice sight. - Draco appreciates the snow? Aww… I like that idea, and the imagery is fitting for the story.
“Because you nearly tore my arms out of their sockets earlier — and your arrogance was annoying me.” - great line. Two arrogant people, picking on the other’s arrogance. Their conversation was entertaining.
“I think it’s worse that you’re the one who left your own family’s party. They’ll notice your esteemed absence far before mine,” she said dryly, and picked the book she had been reading. - ‘picked up’? I liked the use of ‘dryly’. It says a lot about Astoria.
It seemed more like she was merely stating a fact, and not adding any personal feelings or judgment come into it. - you need to remove ‘come’. Or you could change ‘adding’ to ‘letting’, though that would change the meaning slightly.
She didn’t seem to mind and slipped it one regardless. - ‘slipped it on’.
“This is beautiful, though, isn’t it?” she said softly, her voice very different from - from what? I’m thinking ‘before’ and in that case, I like the change in her tone.
But for some reason I had the knowledge that she truly was listening, not matter how short her responses were. - ‘no matter’.
My favourite bit has to be where she introduces herself. Bowing to Malfoy? Heehee.
I liked the end, because we know they’re going to turn back, but I didn’t expect them to collide on their way back to each other. There was something warming about the hug, too, and it made me smile.
Good story. xx
Well that was just brilliant, loved it. :) It's officially one of my favourites.
Aww, that was really sweet.