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Reviews For What We Can't Have

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 01/01/09 20:01 · For: one-shot
nice story

Name: inspirations (Signed) · Date: 01/01/09 14:04 · For: one-shot
Hmm, different pairing. And, weirdly, I actually found it quite believable.

I liked the introduction part. When we passed onto the next scene though, I was confused, because you’d took a pretty hefty jump back in time, yet there was no initial indicator to this, and I thought it was the same day at first. Yeah - so it might be an idea to clear that up a bit. However, I expected it at the end, so that was fine. Also, at the beginning, there were a couple long, perplexing sentences. It would’ve been nice if some of these were split up a bit.

Whoever was after her was apparently worse than he could ever be, or the little Gryffindor wouldn’t have stayed in his presence. - ‘Little’? I know it’s Blaise, but I can’t imagine him thinking of a girl, just a year younger, like that.

But now he saw that whatever tiny chance he might have had to win Ginny had flown out the window the minute Potter reappered. - ‘reappeared’.

I liked the third person omniscient narration (I think that‘s what it‘s called), because most stories similar to this are set out in first person, so you get a direct view into the person’s head. I think, for your story, your method was more effective.

At the end, I couldn’t help but wonder what Ginny was thinking. You built up to that moment well, but Blaise didn’t see it :(

Good story. xx

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