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Reviews For The Second Waltz

Name: Ginnypotter2699 (Signed) · Date: 12/23/11 4:09 · For: Chapter 2 - Not Your Average Evening
I love George and Angelina fics. This was good!

Name: coolh5000 (Signed) · Date: 04/16/09 11:41 · For: Chapter 2 - Not Your Average Evening
Ah, Viv, I was in the mood for a good bit of fluffy romance when I clicked on this and I must say you did not disappoint. The thing which appealed to me right from the beginning is that you went against the stereotype of ‘Angelina really loved Fred and ended up settling for other twin when he died’ and you presented the idea that it had been George she fancied the entire time. That was a great way to do it as it meant that instantly the focus of the story was on George and Angelina rather than with Fred there as a third wheel in their relationship.

I thought the style and the use of Angelina’s POV were both good and as a reader I really felt involved in her thoughts as the tone was very natural. I like the way you presented her thoughts such as here: Or maybe you could really start a conversation this time, silly girl, she said to herself. This line made me smile – I liked the way she showed her worries and the fact that she berated herself for being ‘silly’ and not wanting to go into the shop. Angelina’s character was generally strong and very realistic, in my opinion, especially all her doubts and fears about facing her school girl crush.

Having read so many dark George fics, I found it interesting that he was very much the same as he had always been in this story. But then, there is no rule that says George had to become depressed after his twin’s death and I thought the George you wrote was very charming as well as being his usual funny self. I did notice, however that you described him as wearing robes of a dark red that suited him incredibly well. and I’m not sure that I’m completely convinced that as a red-headed Weasley, George would suit red robes – I thought they would clash a bit.

Both of the chapters seemed well-planned – I liked that you showed how George came to ask Angelina out as well as showing the actual evening itself. I also thought that the setting of the Ball was a wonderfully romantic setting for their first ‘date’ and was an interesting idea. It also allowed you to include snippets of other characters such as Harry and Ginny, which was nice. The interaction between the two was very sweet, natural and generally well done. I especially liked the scene in the shop in the first chapter. That was my favourite part of the whole fic as I felt their little conversation was perfect for establishing both their characters’ thoughts and feelings as well as showing the ease with which they got on with each other.

Technically this was also good. There was one occasion where a comma is missing before direct address in the first chapter, here: “Hi George,”. There is also one sentence where I’m not sure about a choice of word: Once inside, she wandered through the numerous tables and shelves packed with tons of items more cranky than the others. The word ‘cranky’ doesn’t seem to make sense to me in here but I don’t know if there’s another meaning to it that I’m missing.

Overall this was great and I’m glad I found it to read.

Name: inspirations (Signed) · Date: 01/03/09 6:40 · For: Chapter 1 - Old School Crush
So usually, I don’t like lengthy descriptions of what a character’s wearing, but it was a great way to start. You could feel Angelina’s excitement and nervousness. It was great. And it sounds like a gorgeous dress too XD

She was acting like a girly teenager discovering that boys weren’t a species created only to torment girls. - LOL. I’m assuming that she’s, maybe, early twenties? She’s not over thirty, anyway, is she?

The second passage was great, though at first I didn’t realise we’d skipped back in time >.< I thought it was later that day. The scene in the shop was good. George spots her and she can’t just run away. It was kind of like confronting a fear, I suppose.

This was it; she could not hide from him anymore. - Ooh, I bet her heart was in her mouth. The short sentence here was effective - we got a little more feeling for the character just with that simple thing.

Honestly, it wasn’t a shock. - ‘honestly’ sounds like something you’d say aloud. It might just be me, but this phrase threw me slightly.

After all, how could have she forgotten his voice? - ‘how could she have’.

The red head man was standing behind the cash register, speaking animatedly with two boys who seemed to be in their teenage years. - I think it would make more sense to say ‘red haired’ or ‘red headed’. ‘Red head man’ sounds a bit weird. And I love the use of ‘animatedly’. It’s perfect for George.

“Don’t really have a choice; he’s married to my sister.” - he turns it into a joke after he’s said this, in a way, but I always got the feeling that Fred, George and Harry were good mates - especially after he gave them the money. Even when Fred died, I don’t think their relationship would change all that much. Here, George sounds almost like he doesn’t like Harry that much.

“Ah! An excellent choice!” George exclaimed before reaching for the cage door. - I had to laugh there. It’s so George. LOL.

Good work. xx

Author's Response: Oh thank you inspiration for you lovely review! I'm glad that you enjoyed my entry! Aren't fics for the Winter challenges always fun? :) About the dress, if you were wondering, I took my inspiration on the H&M web site, they always have great dresses! And yes, Angelina is in her early twenties, don't worry, she's not that old! (not that I think being over thirty is old, don't get me wrong here) I would've been excited in her place, knowing she'd have the pleasure to spend the evening with George after all this time! About the "Don't really have a choice. he's married to my sister" part, I wanted it to sound like a joke, like he was just being sarcastic about it (so typical of him). I should've made him roll his eyes to the ceiling to show it better. Anyway, thanks again!

Name: violetta (Signed) · Date: 12/27/08 23:02 · For: Chapter 2 - Not Your Average Evening
Oh! How sweet!

Name: captburke (Signed) · Date: 12/26/08 0:17 · For: Chapter 1 - Old School Crush
Definitely like it!!

Name: JustLikeHermione77 (Signed) · Date: 12/23/08 12:27 · For: Chapter 1 - Old School Crush
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aww, an angelina/george fic! yayyy!! update soon! :-)

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